The Affair
by mynameislizzie2
Summary: Another old one. Hope you like it. I am writing some new stuff this week, so fingers crossed. Anyway, this is described in the title. Emily cheats, Naomi finds out. Mayhem.
1. Chapter 1

**Another repost. More recent. I hope it still works for you. Emily and Naomi have been living together, loving together...for 6 years.**

 **Not quite the 7 year itch, but close enough. Loads of angst for those who like that sort of thing, but some redeeming features for those who cringe a bit at the thought.**

Naomi

" _Emily is having an affair_ "

5 little words.

If it had been anyone but Katie Fitch saying them, sitting opposite me in my poky little kitchen, I might have laughed in their faces. Emily having an affair? Not a chance.

Let me say straight off that the she bitch that _was_ Katie Fitch has been dead and buried for more than five years now. Katie, of course is alive and well, and not all of her rough edges have been smoothed over. But me and her? Quite good friends nowadays. It took the majority of the time Ems and I spent at different uni's for Katie to admit that, with Emily and me barely holding on to our relationship at times, but after graduation, we moved in together properly and Katie has been a constant in our lives ever since we all up sticks and moved to London.

I work at Save the Children, as a fund raiser cum dogsbody. Emily got a job in an accountancy and probably out earns me by a factor of 3, but that's never been important to us. And Katie? Inevitably, with her flair for design and fashion, she works for an independent fashion house in Margaret Street, just behind Oxford Street, her happy hunting ground.

Ems and I have a basement two bedroom flat in Islington and Katie lives about a mile away, down the Goswell Road. We regularly go out in a foursome with the older Fitch and whatever deluded soul is currently emptying his Amex card into Katies wardrobe. When she stopped being such a cunt to me, we found we shared quite a lot of things...like our sense of humour. World affairs might mean very different things to us, mine being sort of UN based and hers Beckham/Kardashian, but we do laugh at similar things.

But neither of us are laughing at the moment. The words she had just uttered were hanging there like fucking neon lights, between us. My expression must have ben a combination of total disbelief and amusement. This was a wind up...surely?

"Come on Katie...you can do better than that. To what do I owe the honour of this unexpected visit" said, trying to keep the tremble out of my voice.

Her face was a mask of sadness, and the coldness which was creeping up from my toes, started to coil like a snake in my stomach.

"This is no joke babe" Katie said quietly, looking away from me before continuing. "I thought the same thing as you when I found out"

"B...but how...who...?" I stuttered. The enormity of what she was saying was overwhelming me. Nothing in my life could have prepared me for a bombshell like this. From the first time my eyes had met Emily's all those years ago in middle school, I'd never doubted her. Even in the fuckfest called Sophia, when I'd risked everything to try to escape the inevitable, Emily cheating wasn't something I seriously considered. OK, there was Mandy, but even in my extreme misery, I knew she was a distraction, not a serious rival. But this...?

"Listen Naoms" Katie put her hand over mine on the table and I shuddered. Somehow, touching her made it more real, and I hated it. "Haven't you noticed things have been a bit 'off' lately?"

I shook my head, although an insidious fear was creeping through me. I had noticed, hadn't I? Nothing overt, nothing dramatic, just a tailing off of the casual caresses we always exchanged when passing each other, Maybe the goodbye kiss wasn't quite so lingering in the mornings? And if I thought about it...which I was doing now...we hadn't made love for...well...weeks. I thought it was just her work schedule...all those midweek late nights wor...Oh _fuck_ late nights working?"

"Yes..." finally admitted weakly "She's been working late every Wednesday, she said it was for a big presentation...oh Jesus Katie...there was no presentation, was there?"

Katie shook her head sadly.

"No...I only found out when my friend Jenny called me at work...you know she works in the building opposite Ems, said she'd seen her and some skank going out to lunch virtually every day...holding fucking hands?"

That was too much. I lurched up from the breakfast table and hung over the sink, throwing up the pasta I had eaten an hour before. Katie got up and held my hair out of my face, which had the instant effect of making me burst into tears. Only Emily had ever done that for me before. It made me almost collapse with grief.

When I'd thrown up everything in my stomach and Katie had mopped my face with a tea towel, I stumbled back to the table, sitting down with a thump.

"But...why Katie...why?" I said hopelessly "We are...were...special" I choked, in a spectacularly inappropriate reference to a certain mistake of my own. But my brief, loveless hand job with the deceased Sophia was hardly comparable to this was it. Holding hands...intimate lunches...late night fucking working. Yeah, I could guess what sort of work they had been doing.

Suddenly other seemingly inconsequential things swam into my mind. The fact that when Emily got back from her late night 'working' she always crept in and showered before coming to bed. I never slept before she got home anyway, but I convinced myself she was just getting rid of the grime and grit of a hard days work, followed by a trip on the filthy Underground. Now, with a shock that made me physically shiver, I knew the real reason. She was washing the...evidence...off her. Again my stomach roiled, but I swallowed it down. There was nothing left to upchuck anyway now, except my heart.

Katie carried on stroking my hand and watching my changing expressions.

"Tell me everything you know" I said eventually, my voice cold and empty.

"Really" Katie answered "Does it make any difference Naoms? She cheated...no she IS cheating on you. Isn't that enough. When I see her I'm going to cut her a new arsehole...but knowing the fucking details is just going to tear you up more isn't it? Thing is...what are you going to do about it?"

I shook my head and swabbed my eyes to clear the stinging tears.

"I need to know Katie...so tell me...please?"

She took a deep breath and started to talk.

My friend...Jenny? said she was sure it was Ems..you know, coming out with this...Izzie tart..."

"Wait" I said, staring at Katie "You know her _name_?"

"I found out" Katie said grimly "Once Jenny told me...I went down to Fisher and Gordon and spoke to the security guy on the desk" She grinned mirthlessly "Nice to know a look at my tits still opens the confidence of most guys"

I smiled without humour back.

She sighed and continued.

"It seems Ems and this...cunt...have been cosying up for a while now. Lunch every day...leaving together...you get the picture. Oh...and the late night working? Doesn't exist...quelle surprise. The building gets locked at 6.30. What time has she been getting home?"

"About 10...10.30" I said dully "Plenty of time for a nice screw somewhere...I've been so blind Katie...so fucking blind. But why...after all the shit we've been through...all that with your mother...you?"

Katie blinked at that. We'd long ago put our personal differences aside, but she had the grace to look guilty at her part in the 'hate Naomi' campaign back in college.

"Yeah...well, thats ancient history...I've grown up a bit Naoms...we both have"

I nodded. Like I said before, Katie and I weren't enemies any more...friends really. But now she'd delivered a message no one ever wants to hear. I lowered my head into my hands and sobbed for a bit. When I looked up, she was holding out a half full tumbler of something clear and cold. It wasn't water.

"For the shock" she said quietly, for once without the wry smile.

I took it and swallowed a big gulp, choking at the fierceness of the raw spirit, but needing the kick.

"What am I going to do?" I said hopelessly "I fucking love her so much Katie...she's my world...I don't know what to be...who I am...if I'm not in love with her"

Again Katie pushed the glass towards my lips. I took another generous swig.

"You need to talk to her Naomi" she said flatly "Whatever this...thing...is, it's you she really loves, you she spent two years chasing and 4 more living with. You have to fight for her...after you've kicked the shit out of her of course" she smiled grimly.

"B..but...you said this has been going on for weeks...?" I choked, rubbing my red eyes and looking at her.

She looked away, and my heart sank even further. I didn't think I could bear any more bad news, but I was going to get it anyway, wasn't I?

"Months" she said in a tight voice "The security guard says they've been seeing each other for a few months"

I almost screamed at that. Months?

"But...but that means..." I whispered.

"Yeah...your anniversary...her birthday... all that time"

I swayed in my chair, and I think if Katie hadn't leapt up and rushed round the table, I would have just collapsed on the floor. Months?

When I finally was able to speak, I waved her away. Nothing could penetrate my pain now. Months...she'd been deceiving me for that long. The cold spring in my stomach coiled and stretched again.

I looked at to see Katies face swimming in front of me, holding out the glass again, but I brushed it aside.

"No...I need to be reasonably sober to do what I've got to do Katie...it's Wednesday, remember. Someone will be creeping in at 10...expecting me to be asleep like a nice, obedient little Naomikins. Well, someone is going to get a shock"

Despite Katies protestations about waiting in with me...facing Emily together. I knew this was something I had to do alone. The coldness in my stomach was now circling my heart. It was finished, that much was obvious. The only tiny bit of dignity I had left was to end it on my terms. Katie left after leaving me with one last bit of advice.

"Look Naoms...she's my sister, so I'll always have her back...despite the fact that she's been the worlds biggest cunt. But we're friends, right? Don't do anything so drastic there's no way back, huh?"

I shook my head. I had no intention of beating Emily up over this. It was too late for anything to help. I was just going to end this...thing..as quickly and painlessly as I could.

When the door closed behind Katie my throat choked up and I was a second away from collapsing on the floor and wailing for the next few hours, but I steeled myself and instead, went into our...my bedroom and started to pack an overnight case. I couldn't stay here a second after I had ended it all. I sat in a chair in the lounge with a small glass of vodka in my hand and watched the clock tick round to 10pm.


	2. Chapter 2

Katie

Sitting here, on my king size, with a glass of mineral water ( _always_ hydrate before bed) and the TV on mute, I congratulated myself, if that's the right word, for managing to break the news of my sisters infidelity to Naomi as graciously as possible. Anyone who knows us, certainly from Roundview and Uni days, will think that's an achievement in itself. There were times when I would have happily strangled her. But I've grown up a bit since then, and so has she. Cheating on my sister with the dead girl wasn't her finest hour. But she _was_ 17...confused, hormones all over the place, etc etc. In short, a typical 6th former with sexual identity issues. So far so predictable. But after my sister had dissolved into a pile of adoring goo when the blonde made her 'Freddies shed' declaration of undying love, I accepted the inevitable and came to terms, not only with my sister being a carpet muncher, but that Campbell was 'the one' for her.

Which makes it all the fucking harder to understand what the hell has just happened. Cheating... _Emily_? And not just a half arsed pissed up finger fuck on the sofa with some random, regretted straight afterwards and punished by fucking months of my sister playing Mother Teresa (ringing any bells, Naomi?). No...Emily has to go the whole hog and have a full blown affair. I'd skimped on the details, to save the blonde any more agony, but according to the salivating security guard (lesbianism still being numero uno on his list of wanking sites, no doubt) the affair was the talk of the building. Not exactly discrete, my sister, when she's besotted. I remembered how she used to follow Campbell around at school, all doe eyed and sad sideways glances. Fucking hell, she might as well have held out her knickers in surrender and just laid down in the corridor?

No, this was a fucking full on _affair_ , complete with hand holding and secret meetings. I really have no idea what Emily is playing at. It's not as if anyone saw it coming, was it? As far as I was concerned, all was well in muff mansion. OK, they weren't quite so touchy feely in public these days, but its been 6 fucking years, yeah? Juliet and Juliet were entitled to tone it down a bit by now, weren't they? In the early days I would catch them at it every possible chance they got, and I thanked the Lord that for my eyesights sake, they had recently given up on public make out sessions. Catching your sister being orally pleasured on the 6 seater table my mother was so proud of was worthy of an intense visit to Specsavers. I suspect that was a bit of territory marking by my younger sister, you know...doing it _there_. Campbell is still wary about my mother even now, and with good reason. In full sail, my mum would make a Kiwi prop think twice about tackling her.

But I still couldn't get my head round why Emily had gone so comprehensively off the rails. Cheating just wasn't something anyone would suspect her of. No way.

It was getting on for 11pm, and I knew what was going to happen very shortly. If Emily had stuck to her routine with this fucking Izzie slut, it would have been a couple of drinks (my sister always was more amorous on alcohol) then back to whatever bolt hole they had found for a quick horizontal tango for two. Then on the tube, back to Chez Campbell, where a very unwelcome welcoming party of one was waiting.

I winced as I imagined the conversation that would follow. Campbell can be very cutting when she wants to be and being caught virtually with your knickers down by your girlfriend, doesn't make you the best come back artist, does it?

So I reckoned on half an hour of shouting, Emily abject apologies and some sobbing on both sides. Then Campbell would do her patented storming out thing and after a few minutes, my sister would be on the phone to yours truly.

I sighed and poured another glass of aqua minerale, in preparation for the inevitable. Just as well I'd had a bath and washed my hair. I had a feeling the call would be short on words and long on crying.

I wasn't wrong.

Ten minutes after 11, a few minutes later than I thought, my Samsung buzzed. The picture of my sister that flicked on was taken at a far happier time for all of us. It was an old one, when her hair was still red and she had that residual tan from their trip to Vegas two years ago. I thought at the time that they might do the lamo thing of getting married in an Elvis chapel or something equally hideous, but apparently Campbell vetoed that spectacular own goal. One more reason to tolerate her I guess. It would have been a very Emily gesture, but the blonde was more of a traditionalist. She'd promised me once after a boozy night when Ems was at a conference recently (now even _that_ was suspect) that she'd let me design her wedding dress when the time came. If you'd have asked me before tonight, I would have said they were on the verge of tying the knot any day now, but it just goes to show how wrong you can be, huh?

I picked up the phone and tapped the green slider. The phone stayed silent for a moment, then I heard the unmistakeable sound of my sister in full meltdown. I didn't even try to speak. She wasn't making any fucking sense anyway. I just let her sob and stutter half words for a few moments. Then eventually my patience ran out.

"Emily…?" I said sharply and heard the quick intake of breath the other end. I took the chance, while she was winding up for another wail to say something.

"I take it you've spoken to Naomi?" I said quickly. The second intake of breath told me she now realised I knew more than she thought I did.

" _You've_ spoken to her...why...I mean _when_ Katie?" she choked, then descending into another round of hopeless sobs.

I waited for another oxygen gathering pause.

"Spoke to her tonight actually...at your place...you know, when you were ' _working_ _late_ '" I said in a voice of pure ice.

" **YOU** told her?..." she said, coughing and making that husky sound in her chest Campbell apparently finds endearing at certain moments (don't even….)

"Someone had to...you certainly weren't going to Emily...YOU were quite happy to carry on shagging this Izzie skank till doomsday...not very fair was it?"

There was a silence the other end while she digested the news that not only had I revealed her sordid little affair, but that I knew the name of the whore she had been serially shagging.

"How did you...when…?" she managed before sobbing again. I think it was finally hitting her that it was all out now. Even her lifelong ally, her sister, was in on it.

This time I didn't wait for her to stop crying. I might have been there all night.

"Simple Em...you weren't exactly being discrete, were you? Intimate lunches every day...holding hands coming out of the building...working fucking late every Wednesday. How long did you think it was going to stay secret...betraying your _actual_ girlfriend I mean?"

I made my voice deliberately cutting. No point in letting her think I was anything but disgusted with her. I've never been comfortable with cheating, which might surprise some people. I might have gone through boyfriends like false nails in my youth (OK, I still do) but I normally have the grace to dump the current squeeze before lining up the next platinum credit card, sorry I mean potential shag, in my sights. It's only fair?

" _Why_ Katie...why would you tell her?" she said dully.

I laughed at that...I mean actually laughed out loud.

"For fucks sake Emily...it might have escaped your notice but Naomi is actually my friend as well as your girlfriend. What sort of a shit friend would I be if I let you go on dumping on her. Don't try and turn this on me. YOU'RE the fucking _cheat_ "

She stayed silent, so I carried on.

"You do realise you've fucked it completely this time, don't you? She's completely devastated...wrecked. Are you proud of yourself? What is it...still trying to get even for Sophia? Jesus Emily...Naomi was 17...scared, confused, boxed in. Don't you think you punished her enough back then? Snogging that random at the barbecue, trailing that troll Mandy round with you for weeks, egging her on without ever putting out. Fucking _sleeping_ with the bitch in your girlfriends _bed_?"

"It wasn't like that...I never..." Emily tried to interrupt.

"Not for lack of trying, I bet...anyway whether you actually shagged Mandy or not, you gave Naomi hell for months and let her think you were banging the troll Emily. And now?...You can't tell me you and this cunt Izzie aren't doing the dirty deed every Wednesday after work, _can_ you?"

Another silence, which was as good as a confession.

"Anyway...she fucking knows it all now...I'm guessing she's bailed on you and now you want someone's shoulder to cry on?"

"I thought...you're my twin _sister_ Katie…?" Emily said weakly.

"Yeah...I am, and I suppose you'd better come round, but just so's you're clear. I think you did a shitty, low thing. And if she never wants to speak to you again, let alone be anywhere near you, its down to you, right?"

She whispered a defeated "yes" and hung up.

Fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rang. She must have found a cab in Upper Street straight away. God knows what the cab driver must have thought of her, She looked like she'd escaped a knocking shop. Hair all over the place, makeup ruined and red eyed, clutching a tissue.

She almost fell into the hall when I opened the door.

For the next few minutes, all I could do was hold her while her shoulders shook and she sobbed for England. Emily upset is one thing, she was completely distraught tonight. If it had been for any other reason, I would have sympathised, but I was still really angry with her, so I lifted her head and spoke to her.

"Right...well.. lets go into the lounge, huh? You've ruined my new dressing gown, so lets not add the carpet to the bill...?"

I got a reproachful look for that barb, but fuck it, she deserved to suffer a bit more.

A cup of tea and a clean towel to dry her face and we were sitting opposite each other in the lounge, me on a chair, her on the couch. I waited till she had swallowed the last of the hot sweet tea before speaking.

"So...you cheated with this Izzie...Naomi knows...and before you start giving me those accusing looks, just know this. Other people knew about it too. It was only a matter of time before someone slipped your ex the poison pill. I thought it was better coming from someone who cared about her, right?"

My hard stare stopped her from trying to pin any more blame on me. She nodded weakly and wrung the towel between her hands. It looked like she might need a new one shortly.

"I've been so...so _stupid_..." she said in a whisper.

I nodded.

"Yep...trading the love of your life for a temporary fling is pretty stupid Ems...but then it wasn't just a one off was it...by the sounds of it, you and this Izzie have been getting it on for months?"

She shook her head violently.

"N...no...it wasn't like that...we started off as just friends...then it sort of..."

"Developed? " I said unhelpfully "One night you tripped and your fingers slipped inside her fanny...happens all the time Em...perfectly normal...I've lost count of the times its happened to me..."

Again I got the reproachful look but I ignored it.

"Still...now Naomi's gone for good?" I said coldly "You can move this Izzie in to Chez Fitch and stop hiding it from the world...seamless...huh?"

Again the shake of the head.

"That's not gonna happen" she said miserably, her eyes flicking up to mine

"She's...she's...married"

"Married!" I yelled "Oh...fucking priceless...and I suppose she was going to leave her husband for you, yeah?"

Emily shook her head again.

"I don't think so...we never really discussed it...we've only just started...you know..."

"Brilliant" I said icily "So...lets summarise things shall we. You and Naomi are going through a bit of a bad patch...so you think...bingo...I'll fuck some straight woman...get my kicks converting her...then when I'm bored, I'll give Naomi another go...with me so far?"

I saw Emily wilting under the strength of my contempt.

"That's not what happened Katie...me and Naomi...we've been drifting...spending more time apart. I thought..I thought..."

"You thought munching a strange... _straight_...muff was the answer to your prayers..."

This time there was a definite flash of anger in Emily's eyes but I stared her down.

"So..." I carried on "As I see it Emsy...you have two choices. Let Naomi go...her heart will heal eventually, though by the look of her earlier on, it might take a fucking decade...Then you can concentrate on getting this...Izzie woman...to turn full time lezzer and run off into the sunset with you...oh, good luck with that one by the way. I've dated married men, usually without knowing they _were_ married at first...they all say they'll leave their other halves for you Em...in my experience, if they don't do it inside a month, its just bullshit, designed to part you from your knickers...Anyway...that's one option, if you're stupid enough to try it. Or...you can take your head out of your arse and do anything and everything you can to get Naomi to forgive you. I wish you luck with THAT one too. Basically, you're fucked"

I sat back and let her have another cry over that little bombshell. Tough love was needed, and here endeth the first Katie Fitch lesson.

XXX

I ended up letting Emily sleep with me that night. There was no way anything constructive was gonna happen till morning anyway. I have to to tell you that it was a fucking uncomfortable experience, sleeping with an emotional, jittery wreck of a sister. Fuck knows how Campbell put up with her all these years...Still, they probably shagged each other to a standstill first

Just before I went to sleep, I decided to see if I could raise Campbell on the phone. No joy, not that I was surprised. Emily told me just before she passed out with exhaustion, that Naomi was Bristol bound. Ever predictable, she was heading for Mummy. Oh well, I thought, at least I know where to find her...


	3. Chapter 3

Emily

Waking up in a strange bed threw me for a couple of seconds. Long enough for my treacherous mind to persuade me that last night was a shocking nightmare. Which it wasn't of course. It had been all too horribly real.

Katie was already gone and the little twee pink clock by her side of the bed told me it was after 9. Late for work then, I thought inconsequentially, before realising I had way bigger problems than a missed 9 a.m. start at Fisher and Gordon to worry about. Suddenly all the terrible details of yesterday rushed in to fill the temporary peace I had been enjoying.

Last night...

Drinks at the bar next door to the office...stumbling to the little hotel we...that's me and Isabel, had christened our escape pod...hot sex on the rented bed. Then hurriedly dressing and getting the tube home. Creeping down the steps to our front door. Thats me and Naomi's front door. The other 'us' I left at the door of the hotel. Along with a soft kiss and a promise to see her next morning. The kiss would soon leave ashes in my mouth, but I didn't know that then, did I?

I slipped off my shoes inside the front door and padded silently into the hall. Hanging my coat over the hook next to my sleeping girlfriends one (I thought stupidly) I started to unzip my work skirt and unbutton my top. A shower then, I thought. Five minutes under the hot water, some strawberry shower gel and shampoo and I would be fit to slip into bed next to Naomi. I always got a twinge at this point. Cheating on her didn't come easily to me, despite what she now probably...no _definitely_... thinks. 6 years together. 6 years of love, friendship and togetherness. It should have been enough, shouldn't it?

Turned out it wasn't. I hadn't cheated on her when she'd done it to me with Sophia. We were 17...I realised eventually, both very young and very fragile. She'd reached out to someone strange when she wasn't sure that what I wanted was what _she_ wanted. So she'd spent a few minutes on her mothers couch with a willing accomplice. And spent months regretting it bitterly. I'd made sure of that of course. Going out every night with so called friends, kissing that girl Sarah at that horrible barbecue...dating Mandy for weeks, even though I couldn't bring myself to sleep with her. OK, there was kissing, and a bit of over the clothes groping...but that's not cheating...is it?

Anyway, after the declaration in Freddies shed, I never looked back. She was truly sorry for what she'd done, I forgave her and we moved past it. A year later, after a wonderful 6 months in Goa and a summer spent together making plans, we compromised. She took up her place at Goldsmiths and I got in at Queen Mary's, University of London. We rented a flat in Mile End and Naomi commuted across the city until she graduated. I won't say it was easy. Being at Uni meant lots of new friends and new friends brought...temptation. But we both resisted, even when things got tough on occasion. Exams, peer pressure, the usual stuff. Occasionally Katie had to knock our heads together and remind us of what we were risking, but on the whole, we survived the separation during the terms OK.

Which, I suppose, makes what I've been doing doubly stupid. Getting this job at Fisher Gordon was my dream placement. OK, I earn about three times what Naomi does, but that wasn't the reason for taking the position. It's one of the top Accountancy firms in London and after a couple of years here, I could more or less name my price for any competitors who try to head hunt me. £45,000 a year is also very welcome, given the struggle we had getting a mortgage. Naomi's £15,000 added to mine, just about gave us enough to pay the monthly payments on this little basement flat, but it was the combined gift of several thousand pounds from my parents and Gina's surprise contribution which made it all possible. Since then, the price of the properties in this area have soared, so we made the right decision.

But all that was by the way now, wasn't it?

I got as far as the bathroom door before noticing there was a faint glow from the lounge. Silly cow forgot to turn the lamp off, I thought irritably and diverted through the lounge door, still fiddling with the side zip on my skirt. What I saw when I looked up made me freeze like a burglar with a torch beam on him.

Naomi.

Naomi sitting on the couch, holding an empty glass in her hand, staring back at me. I knew then, without words.

She knew.

I opened my mouth to say something. I have no idea what because she held up a hand to stop me.

"Good night?" she said icily "You work too hard... _darling_...you must need that cleansing shower now...all that working... _grime_ "

I stood there like I'd been turned to stone. Her eyes. The ones I had loved and worshipped for most of my life were like blue stones, hard and glittering. Before I could move or say something, she stood up and walked quickly towards me. I went to back off, but she was faster than me and gripped my wrist painfully. Her face was a mask of hurt and I knew then that I'd done something so terrible she would never forgive me.

She leaned forward and brushed my lips with hers. I actually shivered in fear. I knew what flavour lingered on my lips. Lips that had less than an hour ago been busy between another woman's thighs. When she pulled back, it was Naomi who shuddered.

In total disgust.

"Stupid of me...I know" she breathed, tears starting to brim in her wide eyes "I wanted to believe it was all in my mind...but it isn't, _is_ it Ems?"

I wanted to deny, to lie, but her eyes held mine like an invisible tractor beam was connecting us. My skin crawled as I remembered what I had been doing a short while ago. The smell of Isabel would be on my body. I felt like a crime scene exhibit with anothers DNA all over me.

For a second I thought she might collapse, she swayed so alarmingly and I stupidly put out my hand to steady her.

" _Don't_!" she said coldly and waved my hand away, instead walking unsteadily back to the couch. She sat down and looked up at me.

"Come here Emily" she said in a whisper and indicated the chair opposite to her. I wobbled over, tears blurring my vision as I did.

"Don't even try to explain" she said in a voice so low I had to lean forward to catch her words. "It doesn't matter, does it. We're finished...I know that now. But this...what you're doing..." she waved at me "...is just fucking cruel, yeah? I get that you're tired of me...of us...maybe I always knew I would never be enough to hold on to you forever...but would it have been so hard to just _tell_ me...to walk away. Instead of this fucking...charade?"

I gulped down a sob. There was nothing I could say that would make it better, was there. I _had_ cheated. I'd cheated on her for weeks. OK,. For the first couple of months it had been mainly platonic (or so I persuaded myself). A friend from work, no more than that. Someone to cry on the shoulder of when things were difficult. She was unhappily married too she'd said, offered a friendly ear to listen to me and someone to compare notes with over indifferent partners (yeah Emily...Naomi _REALLY_ looks indifferent doesn't she?). But gradually, we got closer. And closer. Lunches turned into after work drinks. Polite goodbye kisses started to linger a bit. And I was...flattered, intrigued. Someone other than Naomi fancied me, that much was obvious. And then...three weeks ago...it all got properly serious. The Wednesday night 'late working' ended up not in a bar, talking and flirting, but in a hotel room. Izzie had waved a room card at me as I laughed at one of her terrible jokes. I hadn't taken much persuading. Three large Mojito's took care of my inhibitions. An hour later we were panting side by side, naked on the hotel bed. I had cheated on Naomi...properly this time.

And now the piper had to be paid. Katie would scream at me for this, but right now I had bigger problems. Naomi looked like someone had dragged her through the streets by the hair. Her eyes were rimmed with red and she was clutching a wet handkerchief. The enormity of what I'd done was sinking in. I hadn't just cheated on her, I'd destroyed her.

"Listen..." she said with a voice that sounded controlled, but 6 years of proximity told me she was on the edge of breaking down. That icy exterior was concealing a crumbling, sodden mess. A mess that I had created.

"I'm not going to ask you why...although I suppose I should. It's obvious you were tired of me. Tired of us..."

I choked down a sob at that. It wasn't true, but it hardly mattered now, did it? Letting someone else massage my ego, listen to my problems, comfort me... and in the end, bed me...mattered, nothing else. I knew Naomi to well to think this could ever be fixed by words.

She coughed wetly and dabbed at her sore eyes.

"...but I don't know how you could be so _cruel_ Em...I made that mistake years ago, thinking someone else was the answer, remember? And I said I would never hurt you again...ever. And I haven't. But I suppose she gives you something I couldn't...apart from great sex that is...?"

This time I did sob. It had _never_ been about the sex, apart from the frisson of excitement from doing something forbidden. If you asked me flat out, I really wouldn't have an answer. I'd never slept with anyone, well female anyway, apart from Naomi...maybe that was at the heart of it. Snogging Mandy was about as far as I got as an adolescent cheater. Shagging JJ was a favour, nothing more, like having a tooth out, momentarily uncomfortable, but soon forgotten. But that was hardly an excuse, was it. I'd broken her.

She sighed when I didn't answer. How could I, I didn't have one? Chillingly, her calm at what had happened (I would have been raging if it had been me) was worse than shouting and screaming.

"I see..." she said sadly "Well...I hope you both make a go of it Em. I'll get out of your way. You earn enough to keep this place on..and I'm sure that...Izzie?...will help out, now the whole thing is in the open. I'm leaving now...I've got a bag packed already. Can you package up the stuff I've left...leave it by the front door? In a couple of weeks, when I can face it, I'll come back to collect it. Don't phone, don't text me...can you do that? Because I don't think I can bear to see or hear from you for a while...maybe a long, long while"

Now I was sobbing out loud, leaning over and clutching my stomach. I never wanted this...but it was all my fault. I had no one else to blame.

"Please Naoms...don't go... _I_ will...its my fault...don't leave...please? I'll go and stay with Katie...until...until we can talk about this... _please_?"

I knew when I was saying it that it was pointless. The hard look was back in her eyes. In this mood, she's immovable.

" **No**..." she said calmly "I can't bear to be anywhere that reminds me of...us...better if I go now. Anyway, shouldn't you be on the phone to...Izzie...I'm sure she'll be happy I'm finally out of your life?"

The last bit was delivered with the venom I had expected from the start and I bit my lip at the hatred in her voice. I had no idea whether Izzie would be even interested in leaving her home and family for me...we hadn't ever discussed it. In my poor deluded brain, sleeping with her was just a diversion, something I could keep as my own little guilty secret. Something Naomi never needed to know. I still didn't understand how she _did_ know, but that hardly mattered any more.

So I watched her go into the bedroom, pick up her battered overnight holdall and walk past me to the door. She turned just as she reached it and looked down on me, crying quietly on the chair.

"For what it's worth Em...I'll never love anyone again... You've ruined me for that. Have a nice life with...her..."

The choked sob at the end betrayed her, but I just nodded. It was true, I had ruined her...and for what? A seedy affair with a married woman at work. Fucking total cliché, me?

And so this morning, I'm waking up in my sisters bed, alone. I picked up my phone with no sense of hope. No calls, no texts. Not even from Izzie, which was odd. She must have been in the office by now and noticed I was absent. But more importantly, _much_ more importantly, nothing from Naomi either.

I dragged myself out of bed and tapped out a text to work. My 9.00 meeting was already fucked, but my boss would still need to know I wouldn't be in at all today. I had no plan, no idea what to do...just that I had spectacularly fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to me...and I had no idea how to fix it.

I took the tube to Holborn and walked the last bit to my office building. Katie would be hard at work, shouting at her subordinates, and in any case, she made it quite clear last night that this was my mess...her sympathies lay with Naomi, not me. The only person I could think of to talk to was the architect of my downfall (as well as me of course). I needed to speak to Izzie.

The security guard smirked at me when I walked in and said something out of the side of his mouth to his mate. This wasn't unusual. Men still think attractive lesbians are just marking time, shagging other girls before 'coming to their senses' and going back to gristle. I sighed and rolled my eyes at his knowing look.

"Can you page Isabel Hardman?" I said curtly.

He smirked some more, but buzzed her extension. He said something in a low murmur, then listened for a moment before turning to me again.

"She says she's a bit _busy_ Miss Fitch...all day apparently?" he said in smug voice "Trouble in paradise, perhaps...she had a visit from what I presumed was your twin sister at 9 this morning?...I don't _think_ they get on quite as well as you two do?..."

He grinned unpleasantly. Fuck, I thought, if Katie has paid Izzie a call, I can presume my 'fling' is now comprehensively warned off. I know exactly the sort of thing my twin would have threatened. Exposure at work AND at home. Katie would have no qualms about turning up at Izzie's house and blurting the whole unsavoury mess out on the doorstep. But the fact that Izzie had given in so easily was a blow. The only person I could talk to just made themselves permanently unavailable. So much for the fledgling affair. I really _was_ fucked.

I ended up sitting in Soho Square, with the vagrants and the pigeons. Staring at the people scurrying about. About 12, I got up and took the Underground back to Mile End. What I was going to do now, I had no clue. The thought of spending any time alone in the home I had shared with Naomi was terrifying, but I had nowhere else to go...


	4. Chapter 4

Naomi

"What am I gonna do mum?" I sobbed, standing on the doorstep, soaked to the skin as she opened it. The journey from London had been dire, as fucking usual. Neither Emily or I drive...me on principal because of the pollution, her because...well, it _really_ doesn't matter why she doesn't any more, does it? So I got the train from Paddington to Bristol Temple Meads. Then a fucking bus, then a long wet walk. And that's after I spent 6 hours at Paddington on a bench overnight, because I wouldn't...no _couldn't_ stay another minute in the flat. Whether Em... _she_ stayed or not, I couldn't care less, but one more minute in the place where all my dreams were built then brutally shattered would have had me reaching for the vodka and sleeping pills (not that we had any sleeping pills, but you get the picture). I phoned my mum from the station and then turned my phone off. Despite my request...no order...for Emily not to phone or text me, I knew she would fucking ignore what I said. The eternal optimist, Emily Fitch.

I knew that from the first time we met. No matter how many times I cruelly blanked her at school or ducked away from talking to her, she just bounced back like a bright shiny, happy ball. Well, maybe this time she wouldn't be quite so bouncy. Cheating on me was something I just couldn't live with. I know that might sound a bit hypocritical, given my past 'indiscretion', but it was hardly comparable, was it? We were just stupid kids then. I was terrified of falling in love. Not just because it was a girl, although that was scary enough, but just the idea of giving my heart to someone so completely that she had total charge of my life was alien to everything I was then. Closed off, aloof, defensive. Safe.

Sophia had been a handy escape valve. Pretty, willing and more importantly, available. Available to fuck and forget. Pity I miscalculated _that_ one huh? One brief twenty minute session snogging and fingering each other...well, me fingering her mostly. She had no idea what she was doing so I concentrated on getting her off and getting her out, as quickly as possible. Callous? Brutal? Yep...but even that, with the horrendous aftermath, wasn't comparable to this...

 _This_ being a calculated and _months_ long affair. Emily hadn't just cheated, she'd smashed everything I thought I knew and trusted to pieces. If she had come home and admitted she'd shagged some girl up against the wall after a boozy office party, I would have been devastated. But I would have forgiven her...eventually. After all, that _would_ be comparable with my Sophia mistake. But from what I knew from Katie and more importantly, what Emily _hadn't_ denied when I confronted her, it went a whole lot deeper than that. She might be regretting it right now, but she hadn't for the months she had been sleeping with this fucking _Izzie_ , had she?

I remembered again our anniversary, only last month. We had a lovely evening, eating her favourite spicy Thai food, drinking chilled Prosecco and giggling about what we were having for dessert. Because of course, I was having _her_ for dessert, and she me. How could she have given herself to me like she had, that night had been some of the best sex we'd ever had (and it was up against some stiff competition), knowing she would be sleeping with another woman, whispering the same after sex words of endearment to someone else a couple of days later?

The more I thought about it, the madder I got. Part of me wished I had really gone for her, instead of putting on that cold, measured front. We both knew it was bullshit anyway. She knows me well enough to know when I'm at my most sarcastic and cutting, I'm actually shitting myself with fear. Because its fear that drives me.

But really, what was the point? She had an affair, I found out. Simple really. Nothing to save, nothing to rescue. Over and out.

But I kept that brittle mask on just long enough to fall into my mothers arms at the front door of our old house. I don't mean that little end terrace in Alfred Road, where we ended up at. No, once mum and Kieran got together full time, they clubbed together and bought our old house back. The pretty yellow chalet I grew up in and loved so much. Somehow, standing in front of it today, looking up at the drooping wisteria round the porch, it seemed even more nostalgic than usual. OK, I had some very happy memories of Alfred Road too, but this house held more. Not just childhood games in the garden, chicken soup with my mum in the big kitchen before she started her 'everyone move in' period, but those with Emily too.

" _I think you should stand because I think you'd be good at it"_

" _It's catchy"..."Yeah...so is AIDS..."_

" _Come to the college ball with me..."_

OK the last one was a tad bitter sweet, but you get the gist?

Anyway, mum was her normal, reliable, annoying self and swept me up in a hug Rob Fitch would be proud of (memo to self; must stop relating everything to the Fitches).

"Come in love...you're soaked" (no really?) "There's soup on the hob...I sacrificed my principles and bought a free range chicken...coz I know you love my chicken broth"

That was it...I collapsed and sobbed in her arms for a good ten minutes...

An hour later, showered, wrapped in a too big fluffy dressing gown and sitting at the kitchen table, I was persuaded to eat some of the heroic chicken broth my mum had made overnight. Even in my tearful, distressed state, I had to admit it was as good as it used to be. I even ate half a fat dumpling which she placed reverently on my steaming plate with the piles of chicken and vegetables. Chicken soup really _is_ the answer to most things. Pandora was wrong about Hagen Daaz.

Just not the cure to this, obviously.

Mum was good enough to leave the post mortem until I had eaten half a bowl. I found out that I could actually eat after all. My intake of calories had been confined to alcohol and a disgusting cup of corporate coffee at Paddington up till now. Then, when I put down my spoon with a sigh, we looked at each other and she started the interrogation. Well, maybe that's too strong a word for what my mum does. She never seems to be putting the thumbscrews on, but she has a way of getting it out of me...eventually.

"So..." she said "Emily...?"

My eyes filled with tears and she passed me a handkerchief the size of a beach towel (my mum not going in for delicate things).

"Take your time love" she said softly, reaching over and stroking my face "I know it's hard...but you need to get it out...I know you...you've been holding this all in up till now, haven't you?"

I had...so I started to tell her, interrupted by several bouts of helpless sobbing. When I'd finished laying out the whole sorry mess, she leaned back and frowned.

"Well...that _has_ surprised me. I was expecting something quite different. If you'd said that she'd had a one night thing after a boozy office party or something, I would have said that sort of stuff happens from time to time with couples, usually when you've got too used to each other and someone spots you aren't completely happy...but this? It's so _unlike_ Emily. She was...no is... completely in love with you...I never saw anyone look at another person the way she does at you. Besotted, from the very first time you brought her home. Did she give you any sort of explanation for why she did it, love?"

I shook my head. My eyes were sore and red and I didn't trust myself to speak. Just getting the story out had exhausted me all over again.

Mum nodded her own head in disbelief.

"She had no reason...no fight between you...no terrible thing to get back at you for?"

I started at that. Anger flashed in my eyes.

" _No_ mum. Just because I fucked up once...years ago, doesn't mean this was my fault yet again. I've never hurt her since...well, since Sophia... and I never would...ever"

She reached out and put her hand over mine. I flinched at the first bit of skin on skin contact I had had for what felt like days, but let her stroke the back of my hand.

"I didn't mean...oh shit, you know how clumsy I can be with things like that. I didn't mean _you_ had done something, just that you've had your ups and downs in the past, when you were at separate uni's and things were difficult for a while? Remember that time when you had that girl...Rebecca... phoning you up over and over, not getting the message that you were in a committed relationship? I remember Emily was really upset that you didn't deal with it as firmly as she wanted you to?"

I shook my head again, harder this time.

"No mum...nothing like that. I learned a lot from that. Emily was still very touchy about what happened with Sophia. I had no feelings for Becky at all. She just mistook friendship for attraction. In the end, I turned her down flat in front of Emily...made her cry...and I felt like a bit of a shit over that, but Emily got the message. I was...no I _am_ a one woman girl"

I bit my lip and wiped my eyes for the five hundredth time.

"Pity Emily turned out not to be..." I croaked

"So, she had... _is_ having an affair? Do you actually know its still going on love?" mum asked softly.

"Yeah" I said bitterly "Well, it was up till last night...bit of a give-away, tasting another woman on your cheating partners lips"

My mum flinched at that. Even for her, that was a bit graphic.

" _Yuk_..." she said, wrinkling her forehead. "Not nice..." She made a face and started to stand " Right then...first things first. You need sleep and somewhere you can recover...it will take time love, but you _will_ recover, I promise"

I shook my head yet again.

"Not from this mum, not this time...she's broken me...and I don't know if I can ever be fixed again"

Mum leaned over and gripped my hand hard until I winced.

"Now listen to me, daughter of mine. You WILL get over this...not today, not this week, but in a few weeks time, you will be able to function again. You will NOT let this ruin your life, do you understand? Emily has done a terrible thing and you may be right that things will never be OK between you ever again. But you're young...only 23. and life does go on sweetheart, as trite as that sounds. One day you will be able to think about the good times you had together instead of the bad. Listen to this daft old bat, love...even I had my moments in the past..."

I shuddered theatrically and managed a weak smile at her earnest expression.

"Please mum...no explicit memories of your experimental youth?...I might throw up that delicious broth if you do"

We shared a careful, delicate smile before she ushered me off upstairs to what was now my bedroom. It was different now, of course. No brass bed head with childish fairy lights. No multi coloured throw over the top of the crisp duvet cover. But enough of my old space remained for me to have a fresh cry before lying on the bed and eventually falling off to sleep.

XXX

It must have been several hours later I woke up. I'd like to say I felt better, but I settled for rested. My eyes weren't so sore and after I'd rubbed the sleep out of them, I sat up and stared around the room. My little overnight bag had been brought up and put at the end of the bed. I got up and padded to the bathroom, using the loo before washing my face and using the spare toothbrush to clean my teeth. I ran my fingers through my bed hair and took a deep breath. Every time my mind started to wander towards the 'E' word, I crushed the thought and frantically tried to put other, mundane things into my head. Impossible of course, but today was the first day of healing...and I had to begin now. There was no way I could air brush Emily out of my life, but I could and would throw myself into practical things to distract me. I might be the same girl who wandered around in an alcoholic daze for months when Emily was punishing me over Sophia, but I hoped I was a bit wiser now. There were things to do, things to arrange, Separating yourself from a failed relationship was hard, but I knew what I had to do.

I dressed quickly, putting on just a touch of makeup to counteract my deathly pale face and opened the bedroom door. I could hear voices...no _a_ voice from downstairs and braced myself. Probably Kieran, back from college, I thought. It would be good to see his crumpled and world weary face again. Someone else I could rely on to cheer me up with his wry humour and deadpan delivery.

As I got to the top of the stairs, I realised I was wrong. It wasn't Kieran. My mother was on the phone to someone. I couldn't hear what she was saying at first, but then I heard a name...and froze with my foot on the first step.

"I know, Katie love...well, you do what you can, and I will too down here. Somehow we've got to sort this mess out between us"

The handset clicked as my mum put the phone down. I gritted my teeth and thumped down the rest of the stairs, not caring about stealth in the least now. When I got to the bottom, my mum was staring up towards me, her face a mixture of guilt and defiance.

"What the _FUCK_ do you think you're doing mum?" I hissed spitefully.


	5. Chapter 5

Katie

God...this is hard. I mean grindingly, painfully, relentlessly hard. Emily is in a bigger mess than I've ever seen her. It's like she's been viewing the world through some sort of fucked up tinted glasses up till now. Reality has hit her between the eyes and its awful to watch. Even when she was chasing Campbell round the 6th form, mooning sadly and hanging on her every word, she at least had the odd lucid and detached moment.

Not now.

I hate walking down the steps to their flat because I know what I'll find. My sister, sitting on the couch in her damp tee shirt and plain knickers, staring listlessly at the inane daytime TV which is droning away to itself in the corner. The half empty bottle of vodka on the coffee table is an ever present as is the jumbo box of Kleenex, the crumpled contents of which are scattered round her. She stares into the distance as if the big lezzer will actually appear out of the wall like a vision or something.

I've tried everything. Cajoling, comforting (difficult for me I know, I have the patience of a stampeding buffalo) and the careful application of hard love. Twice now I've physically picked her up off the sofa, hustling her (frankly smelly) body into a shower and forcing her to clean herself up. Three times I've come round and tidied the place up, picking up tear stained photographs from the carpet and changing the stinking sheets. Domestic chores are not really my forte...these nails cost £60 a time from the little salon I go to weekly...but someone has to make an attempt to drag her out of this abyss? And I got the short straw.

I even briefly considered getting my mother in on the act, but that would have been like pouring lighter fuel on a bonfire. She'd never have been able to conceal her happiness that it's all gone tits up at last. Despite the fact that our 6 seater table at home has been grudgingly extended to 7 chairs at Christmas and special occasions, she's never really forgiven Naomi for 'corrupting' her sweet little twin. The fact that Emily has been a beaver buffer longer than the blonde escapes her completely. She's like one of those creationists, positive the world was made in 7 days. Even if she found out the reason Emily and Naomi have split is over another woman, the only thing my mother would be saying is "Emily...a _married_ woman?"

And then start suggesting unsubtly that its time Emily found a 'nice young man'. _FFS_?

So I'm having to do this on my own, and its starting to have a rather unfortunate effect on my own social life. Call me selfish...go on, I know you want to...but I thought we had got past this theatrical adolescent type monging out. Emily is beyond sad, beyond distraught. I really think she might be heading for a breakdown, which I am desperate to stop.

With Naomi in Bristol, no doubt serially soaking pillows in Gina's house, the situation is spiralling out of control. OK, I told Emily to leave it for a a while before trying to contact Naomi. She had made it crystal clear the night I revealed all that any communication from my sister was strictly off limits, so why Emily wastes her time texting and phoning her over and over is beyond me. All that will happen is that the soppy blonde will eventually chuck her phone in the canal (I'm a bit surprised she hasn't already) and then it would be even harder to contact her when we actually need to.

My phone call to Gina apparently wasn't received well by Naomi the day she bailed. OK, it served to open a line of communication with her batty mother, but an hour later, Gina called me back and told me Naomi had ripped her a new one for 'consorting with the enemy'. Which hurt a bit. Considering it was me that delivered the bad news with as much consideration as I'm capable of (stop it). But we speak at least once every two days now. Her mum keeps me up to date with Naomi's movements, which isn't _exactly_ difficult. Not leaving your bedroom for a week is not really the action of a decisive spirit is it? Between them, they are becoming the UK answer to 'Lesbian Carmelite Nuns'...go on, I bet you thought I didn't do ANY studying at college, didn't you?... Holed up in separate isolated spaces, rocking and talking to themselves. Jesus, it's as depressing as a politicians expense account.

Emily ripped into me too over calling on this Izzie tart that morning, but in the end, she realised her little married fantasy woman was just stringing her along all the time. Ms Hardman backed off like a reversing race car when I cornered her in the lobby of Fisher and Gordon. Despite my friendship with Naomi, I was secretly hoping that the other party in this fucked up affair at least had some genuine feelings for my sister. If Naomi had definitely decided it was over for good (and why wouldn't she?), there was always the faint hope that Emily would find solace with her illicit fling.

No fucking way Jose was the answer. Just the merest mention (OK, threat) of telling her cuckolded husband what she'd been up to these past few weeks and she almost fainted with fright. Whatever she'd told my sister, her marriage was obviously way more important to her than she'd admitted to Emily. She wouldn't be the first married woman to fancy a trip to muff meadow, but giving up her safe little life and three bedroom semi in Hayes for my soggy eyed sister was apparently a definite non starter. She agreed not to speak to Ems again almost before the words were out of my mouth. Shallow bitch.

So Emily was double devastated. Not only had she fucked up the best thing that ever happened to her, but the person she thought could be her saviour turned out to be weak and...well...mostly straight. Head fuck or what?

So, walking down the steps to Chez Campbell-Fitch tonight wasn't on my favourite things to do list. I knew what I would find, and of course I was right.

I opened the front door and the stench of alcohol and weed was as strong as ever. She's even found some loser to supply her with baggies of dope. Shades of our college days or what? Emily was never a big drug user in those days, except when she was with the big lezzer, and I don't even want to start describing the sort of things they got up to when they were high. Alcohol and weed were a potent aphrodisiac to my horny little sister and that's a situation no older twin should be forced to watch unfolding. More than once I got an entirely unwelcome soundtrack to listen to if I got home unexpectedly. I once found my brother and his creepy little mate competing for the keyhole in our bedroom door when my 'rents were out one afternoon in the school holidays. After slapping both round the head and using my Manolo clad foot to help them down the stairs, I was stupid enough to open the fucking door. Jesus H Christ on a bike...is that even a sexual position?

I made an immediate escape after shouting something short and obscene at them. Seeing my sister naked is bad enough...seeing a naked Campbell...gyrating...on top of her is fucking _grisly_.

Anyway, enough trips down rainbow memory lane. I steeled myself and pushed open the lounge door. Sure enough, Jeremy Kyle was on the blaring TV, refereeing an obscenely fat couple who were spitting venom at each other. I have no fucking idea over what, but it probably went something like ' _My husband slept with my sisters cat_ ' or something equally retarded?

Emily looked up as I walked in with my nose wrinkling and sighed, quickly looking back to the educationally challenged rowing couple. I wasn't putting up with that shit, so I walked over and switched it off, reaching down and pulling the plug out for good measure.

"Oi..I was _watching_ that" she said miserably, giving me the puppy dog expression. That hasn't worked on me since 1999, so it didn't now.

"Bollocks" I said succinctly "And anyway, why would you even want to watch people who's lives are even more fucked up than yours...unless you fancy next doors siamese now?"

She just blinked at me and reached for a half smoked spliff in the overflowing ash tray. I wasn't having that either. My clothes needed fumigating every time I left the House of Pain as it was.

"Fuck _that_ " I said firmly "This ends now. I get it Ems..I really do. You made a huge mistake, fucked up your rose tinted dream for a woman who couldn't give two shits about you now she's sampled your muff...and the world has come to an end...?"

Emily folded her arms (arms that were getting skinnier by the day I noticed with alarm) and huffed weakly.

"Tell it how it is Katie...no need to sugar coat it?"

I rolled my eyes (something I have unaccountably inherited from Campbell?)...still, it could have been worse, it could have been her fashion sense).

"I told you at the beginning Ems...you either contemplate a life without Naomikins...or..." and I waited for the inevitable sob after that sentence "...you start to try to fix it"

She looked up at me with hopeless eyes.

"She'll _never_ forgive me..." Emily said, lip trembling and a very unattractive drip of clear snot beginning to appear at the end of her nose. I grabbed a tissue from the dustbin sized box on the coffee table...Jesus, the local shop must be having to order in family sized quantities...and offered it to her. I don't _do_ bodily fluids...well, maybe there's one exception, but this was hardly the time was it?

"Shut _up_ , you silly cow..." I said flatly "... I wonder sometimes how you two got this far at all without fucking counselling. You both have the emotional range of a coffee grinder. This is the woman who you pursued from the age of 15...the one who confessed to being in love with you from the age of _12_...or something unlikely like that? You two fucking _worship_ each other, always have. She might hate you at the moment, hate what you did with that fucking skank...but underneath that...she's still crazy about you. Remember, I speak to Gina now and again...you're both doing fuck all about sorting this shit out. OK, there's no way she's gonna be fine with you rushing down there and begging her forgiveness. It's gone too deep for that. She's hurting, suffering just as much as you, maybe worse, I dunno...I never had my heart ripped out and stamped on by my soon to be ' _wife_ '"

I knew the last word would bite, and it did. I told Emily in a moment of weakness last week that Naomi had been making noises about making _it_ official. I shouldn't have, of course. All I got out of Emily for the next hour was desperate sobbing and hopeless wails. Finding out the woman you're cheating on was close to proposing is a bummer, huh? My caring persona slipped a bit there. Can't help it...it's in my nature?

Anyway, I had to try to get Emily AND Naomi out of this self destructive spiral. But how?

"Look Ems...Gina says Naomi refuses even to talk about it...or you...any more. So this thing isn't going to sort itself out. You fucked up, you need to do something about it. That's if you actually want to stitch this thing back together?"

She looked up from studying her dripping tissue and swallowed.

"More than anything...I've been so stupid...how can I ever put it right Katie?"

"By doing something a bit more constructive than flooding your flat out with salty water and inhaling a plantation full of Sensimilia. Basically, its gonna be the hardest thing you've ever done. You know what a closed off, stubborn cow she is at the best of times? Well, if the mountain won't go...to whatever that blokes called...you'll have to go to her...him...whatever. You sitting up here in London, waiting for her to thaw out? Not gonna happen. She'll outlast you, and the next thing you know, the Estate Agents will come calling to sell this place. She'll end up staying in Bristol permanently. The one thing she knows is her mum will always have her back, just like I have yours. Don't let me fool you it will be anything but fucking horrible...but you have to do something. YOU fucked up..."

I took a deep breath, hoping at least some of that had registered.

"You...you mean...go down to Bristol...but she won't see me...won't even answer my calls or texts?" Emily stuttered. I swear I have to draw a fucking diagram for her sometimes.

"Look" I said in exasperation "I told you it would be fucking horrible, and it will be. But if you have any chance whatsoever of getting her back, it has to be you who makes the move. Fuck's sake Ems...you earn a fucking fortune. You must have savings...money in the bank. Surely you haven't spent it all with the dealer on the corner of Highbury Fields?"

She shook her head as if to clear it. Christ, it looked as if I was finally getting through

"So...go down to Bristol...then what?" she asked.

"Then you camp out on her fucking doorstep if you have to. Be everywhere she goes. Even Campbell can't hide in her bedroom forever. She's not as flush as you, so she'll need a job eventually, food, somewhere else to live, coz staying with mummy is only temporary. Fucking _haunt_ her Ems. She'll bite your head off for sure at first, or try to ignore you...whatever. But leaving her to stew on this is going to make sure you get airbrushed out of her life. Put up with the insults, the cold shoulder, maybe even her hitting you if you have to...although if she marks you I'll fucking maim her...wear her down. I seem to remember you were brilliant at it at Roundview?"

She flashed me a tiny smile and I cheered inside. Christ, there _was_ an Emily in there after all.

"B..but... my job...this place?" she said quietly.

"Fuck the job...fuck this place...do you really need me to tell you what is important in your life. Resign. Your qualifications will get you a job in Bristol easily. Let me worry about this place. The mortgage is up to date, yeah?"

"Yeah" she said "paid up till the end of the year actually. I got that bonus from the Sports Direct deal? Made a lump sum payment and now we have a payment holiday now till January...I hadn't really thought about all that stuff"

"Not surprising...you seem to be more interested in Kleenex and guys who shag next doors budgie?" I said, nodding at the blank screen in the corner.

I got a weak little chuckle for that, and now I knew there was definitely an Emily inside this blubbering mess.

"Right" I said briskly "Shower...some fucking clean clothes and a visit to the bank. You're gonna need some cash to find a bedsit or something down there. Look up Pandora...she's back from the States now...living with Thommo. She'll know an agency or something. She's not as sappy as we thought... all those fucking secret A levels... I'll sort out this place while you get packed. I'll keep a key and make sure the place is looked out for while you're gone. Meantime, get in that shower and I'll look up the train times on my phone"

Emily got up and wiped her eyes, hopefully for the last time today. She hugged me and I managed to avoid wrinkling my nose at the unwashed smell.

"Thanks Katie...I really mean that. I'm going to try...really try to fix this"

I smiled at her and held my breath until she'd left the room.

When she'd disappeared into the bathroom I sighed to myself and bit my bottom lip (another unwanted Campbell habit I'd seem to have taken up) I might have seemed confident about Emily's chances, but I had the feeling it would be even harder than it sounded. I just hoped my sister was as resilient as she had been back at college.


	6. Chapter 6

Emily

I felt like someone had opened me up and dug out all my organs, replacing them with...well... fuck all really. Empty doesn't even touch how I feel now. Fucking up is normally Naomi's strong point. Not the Sophia thing. I got over that years ago. I certainly never thought about it any more. We were young, I was stupidly, insanely in love with Naomi...I finally had her to myself, and she made one last bid for freedom, like a beautiful fish being pulled out of the depths. One last tug at the hook before she was landed. Trouble was she selected a lonely, troubled girl to struggle with. And we all got our fingers burned. I lost my trust in her for a while (well, OK months) and she was so traumatised at hurting me and dealing with the guilt she felt over contributing to that poor sad little girls suicide, I think she went a bit mad for a while.

But we got over that. Because I still loved her...fiercely. I might have hated what she _did_ , and maybe tortured myself for too long thinking she didn't love me as much as I did her...but finally I realised that sedating myself with drink and pills, together with tormenting my girlfriend with that non relationship with Mandy, wasn't helping either of us. Naomi's little declaration of undying love in Freddies shed was enough to finally heal the wound. We've been together ever since. Through thick and (very) thin. Uni was hard, even though we came home to each other every night. Jealousy was the main problem. She had all those attractive intelligent new friends and I started to feel a bit inadequate. That slag Becky almost brought out vindictive Emily from the dark cupboard. But Naomi squashed that issue, along with Becky's hopes of prising her away from me, with a very public vocal statement of how much she loved me. Exit hopeful suitor stage left, very red faced, while Naomi took me upstairs at that party and showed me several times, how much it was _me_ she loved.

And then...and then I went and fucked it up so spectacularly, it imploded like a fucking fusion bomb, right in both our faces. In my heart, I knew that Izzie was a side show. I was flattered. She was beautiful, friendly and more importantly, she acted like Naomi had when we first got back together after the shed thing. Attentive, warm, full of compliments and very touchy feely. A bit too fucking touchy feely as it turned out. Naomi and I were drifting a bit. Taking each other for granted. But nothing excuses what I did to her. What started as an amusing distraction, being courted by an attractive woman, bought drinks, complimented, _desired,_ turned into something else. I knew I was playing with fire, but I had no idea how quickly the blaze would get out of control. Sleeping with her was never the plan. Have a few lunches, a few drinks, a laugh about our problems...all _that_ I enjoyed. But I can't excuse the fact that when she showed me that room card, I didn't hesitate. Blame the strong Mojito's ? Nope...they might have loosened my inhibitions, but I knew exactly what I was doing when I followed her to that small hotel. All the way up in the lift, I kept telling myself I could stop any time I liked. Just another drink perhaps a chance to talk in private. Maybe flirt a bit more. Yeah, right.

The only talking we did was _after_ my knickers were off and we'd spent half an hour exploring each other with our hands. She was so different to Naomi. Dark skinned, short black hair, bigger boobs, shorter legs. Nothing like my blonde lover. Different, exciting, willing.

Whether that made it easier or harder, I couldn't say. Like I said, talking was restricted to choked pleas and a whole lot of calling out to God, until after we'd done _it_ , that is.

That night, when she said it was the first time she'd ever slept with a woman. I felt powerful, in control. The first time we went at it, it was just eager fingers and open mouthed kissing. Even so, the newness, the excitement of touching someone else was enough for me to come despite her clumsiness. But then, when I went down on her...her eyes watching me intently as I used all the skills I had learned in a thousand sessions in bed with my girlfriend... I _revelled_ in the way I could make this woman lose it completely. It was addictive. I knew it was wrong, knew it was dangerous, but something inside drove me to make this sex the most intense of her life. It was as if I was breaking free for the first time. Hearing her beg me to finish her was so exciting I only needed to be touched lightly afterwards to explode all over again.

Even then, having cheated on the love of my life once, I could have pulled back from making it more than it was...an isolated if satisfying shag with only the second woman I had ever slept with in my life. But by the time Katie gave Naomi the good news about my treachery, Izzie and I had slept together 3 more times.

Four times is not a drunken mistake, easily put down to a moment of erotic madness. As Katie and Naomi said truthfully, it was an _affair_. Simple as that. It was never about love, never about replacing Naomi, but it was all so terribly wrong.

And now I'm burning for it. Those brief moments of intense pleasure being paid for in buckets of grief and loss.

XXX

The busy train clattered over a set of points and I peered out of the grimy window to see the inevitable construction cranes of the Bristol skyline approaching. Bristol...the place I called home for 18 years. The place Naomi and I met, fell in love and got together. Bristol...the place my Naomi is now. But it felt like I was alighting on a platform on Mars when I got off. Over the past three years we'd hardly been back here together. Katie still jokes about the 6 seater table, but it was a fact. My mum stupidly believes that if I hadn't met Naomi, I would have been happily married to some sap by now. Busy producing small versions of myself or husband for her to coo over. Of course, it made things infinitely worse that Katie can't have children after her diagnosis. As far as my mum is concerned, its a plot to deprive her of grandchildren. Me in an 'unnatural' relationship with 'that girl' and my sister sadly barren.

The fact is that if I hadn't gone off the rails so stupidly, Naomi and I would definitely had considered children, had never occurred to la Fitch senior. The thought of two women having a baby was so out of her comfort zone, it might as well of been written in Aramaic. We had actually discussed it, as a matter of fact, but both of us agreed that the time wasn't right just yet.

 _Might never be right again_ , my inner voice nagged me. _She was going to_ _ **propose**_ _to you Emily_ , it hissed insistently.

I almost lost it again there, walking quickly towards the cab rank. When Katie told me about Naomi sounding her out about proposing, I cried for about an hour. The thing I wanted most of all...the thing I had nagged Naomi about in Vegas, when we passed that stupid Graceland Elvis Chapel on the Boulevard. That thing. The ring on my finger...finally the absolute commitment.

So she wanted to marry me...but instead, I've been fucking a married...a married _straight_ woman in a seedy hotel room on Wednesday nights. Way to go Ems...

I found Pandora's new apartment was in Windmill Hill, a short way from the centre of town, but a bus ride from Naomi's old house. I knew her mum and Kieran had bought the pretty yellow and white chalet back once they got married and my mind conjured up some bitter sweet memories of that house. Lying on the floor talking about oils and what lesbians did in bed. Breaking up with her (briefly) because she wouldn't come to the Roundview Love Ball. Waking up in her double bed, with Naomi already up and gone. Memories that tortured me now. I thought I was suffering then, when she couldn't make her mind up whether to love me or drive me away. Oh God, I thought...if only I could go back to that simpler time, when all I had to do was wait...she would surrender to herself soon enough. But now, I couldn't even visit her...at least not yet.

I walked up the stairs to the number Katie had given me on my little yellow memo pad. _63 Squires Court, York Road_.

It was a clean modern block, nothing like Thommo's first home in the UK, that scummy concrete tower block hovel he rented from Jonny White. More memories. Hot chillies, thumping underground raves and me admitting to Naomi that " _I just wanted_ _to kiss you...I want to kiss you now_ " Oh _God_ , how I wanted to kiss her now...

I forced my face into a cheerful smile and waited for the door to open after I'd rung the buzzer..

An hour later I was getting dizzy already. She might have changed a bit from the almost surreal blonde with pigtails in 6th form, but not by much. Thommo was his normal kind, polite self, although I caught the looks that passed between them as I revealed more of the horrible details of my infidelity. On the surface they were understanding and neutral, but I knew what those looks meant. It wasn't just Katie who was disappointed in me.

Thomas had contacted an agency while I was travelling down, so I already had an appointment in the afternoon. I had the distinct impression that, although they were happy to see me, they wouldn't be over keen on my stay with them being a long one. Their lives were tranquil and happy...why would they want this old school friend bringing trauma into it?

So after the catch ups and the intermittent hugs from Panda, we went over to the agents in Park Street and within fifteen minutes, I was looking round a 2 bedroom top floor apartment in the city centre. My salary and credit rating was checked out and a deposit paid. Luckily the place was part furnished, so I could move in at the weekend. Again, I saw the look of relief pass between Panda and Thomas. I seemed to be a bit of a burden all round these days.

Anyway, the next couple of days were spent sitting around listening to Panda burble on about something and nothing. There was very little drink in the place (I suspect Katie had primed them about my little 'problem' recently, so we just had the occasional spliff and skirted around the real reason I was back in Bristol.

I should have visited my parents, but to be honest, I couldn't face the idea of my mothers triumphant face. By now, she would have the full story from Katie. My sister may have my back, but she's never been able to keep anything this big from my mother. Luckily my mother views mobile phones as instruments of the devil, so I was very unlikely to get a call from her.

Katie rang a couple of times, which was...interesting. Specially the last call.

"Hi bitch...settled in yet?" was her opening line. Katie not being much for pleasantries or polite greetings.

"OK, I guess...Panda and Thomas are lovely, and I've found a little top floor flat in Whiteway Road, just off Park Street" I said

"Good...so do you want the gossip, or what?" Katie replied

My heart started thumping and I held my breath. If gossip meant news of my ex, then of fucking course.

"Don't tease Katie" I said, voice cracking a bit. I might not be on the verge of tears every minute now, but it was always a possibility, specially when a certain someones name was mentioned.

"Well...I spoke to Gina this morning. Apparently the worst dressed lesbian in Britain is up and about. Actually ate a meal in the kitchen as opposed to her hermits cell. Gina thinks she might be about to rejoin the human race...which may or may not be good news for you. You've both spent the past few weeks seeing who could use the most tissues in a 24 hour period. Well, it was a draw, so now you can both get back to fucking living again, huh?"

I nodded, then realised that doesn't work on the phone.

"Yeah...I mean...but what should I do, Katie?" I mumbled miserably "I can't just swan round there and knock can I?"

"Duh...you really are a silly cow, aren't you. Good job you two found each other at school. I doubt any other self respecting lezzer would touch either of you dicks...oh, except straight women who want to experience your...talents?"

I spluttered at that. Katie could be such a fucking bitch.

"Can we stop with the reminders Katie" I whispered "I've spent the past week kicking myself about that. No one could make me feel worse, or hate me more for what I've done. I just want her back..."

"Right...well, Gina and I have come up with a plan. First you go round to Chez Campbell tomorrow, apparently Naomi has an appointment at the doctors?"

I started.

" _Doctors_...why...what's wrong with her?" I said sharply.

"Nothing terminal...just has a bit of trouble sleeping...not really surprising, is it Ems...probably has a few nightmares about you enthusiastically fluffing the flange with the beautiful Isabel in the Heartbreak Hotel?"

"Katie..." I said weakly " _Please_...?"

"Anyway" she breezed, ignoring my plea "nothing _too_ serious apart from a broken heart...OK, OK...I'll stop now...but you need to get round there just after 10" Her voice got more serious "You need to make your peace with Gina first. She might love you like a daughter...which was lucky for you when our own mother treated you like you had leprosy...but Naomi is her _actual_ daughter? She's going to need convincing that you really are sorry for what you've done and more importantly won't do it again, otherwise this will all be twice as hard to pull off. You _need_ her on your side Ems...think you can do that?"

My blood froze at the thought of going to see Gina. In some ways it would be easier to confront Naomi. At least with her I could break down and sob in front of her. Katie was right (yet again, _bitch_ ) Gina had loved me like a daughter. So I had to deal with the fact that I had let her down too. God, this was going to be hard...and I'd not even begun to think about speaking to Naomi yet...

XXX

But the next morning at 10, I was standing outside the lovely little chalet I had visited many many times in the past. My hand was poised over the bell. I was trembling, not just because I was scared to death about facing Gina...but hanging around on the corner of the street a few minutes ago...I had just seen...her.

She looked so beautiful, so fragile...hugging a jumper round her, hair flying in the wind. Her face was deathly pale and she muttered to herself as she walked against the strengthening breeze. My Naomi...but now, not my Naomi.

If I had hated myself before, it was nothing to how I felt now. She looked...lost. And I had done that. I had to stifle a sob, in case I made her look round. God...this was going to be so... _hard_.


	7. Chapter 7

Naomi

"OK mum...I get the fucking picture...I can't lie here wallowing in self pity any more, I get that. So can you just fuck off please and let me get dressed?"

I was standing in my bedroom with one leg in a pair of black tights, hopping like a fucking Marabou stork.

My mum smiled that indulgent smile she saved for my worst outbursts and flounces. She's had enough practice. Even _I_ wince at some of the insults I've thrown her way over the years. But she wouldn't be my mum if she didn't just raise one eyebrow and let it all wash over her. Even last week, when I came down to find her 'talking to the enemy' as I put it, she just let me rant for a while, then injected some really annoying sweet reason to the argument.

"Naomi love..,. _Katie_ isn't the enemy. I know you're upset with Emily, but...she's just trying to do right by both of you?"

Which set me off again. On a scale of one to ten, being 'upset with Emily ' was off the top of the scale. I wasn't _upset_ with her...I fucking _hated_ her...and... yet loved her hopelessly, desperately at the same time. Which made it twice as hard to cope with. I know it's sterile, I know it's pointless, but name me one cheated on lover who hasn't spent days and nights stupidly going over the end of the relationship again and again in their fevered minds. ' _How_ _could she_ ' morphed into ' _how dare she_ '...then I added the toxic ingredient ' _Someone else has had their hands on my Emily_ ' which more than once made me leap out of bed and throw up in the bedroom sink. It was somehow strangely worse that I didn't even know what the cow who'd slept with my partner looked like. _Pretty_ , obviously, because...well, its Emily, isn't it? As Katie never ceased to remind me back in the good old days...I was punching way above my weight, bagging a 'fit Fitch'. More than once over the succeeding years, I had to brutally disabuse some hopeful dyke at a party or something that Emily was mine...exclusively. I knew she was beautiful...and mine.

Except now she wasn't, was she?

Someone else had kissed the soft lips I had worshipped alone for years. Someone else had seen her naked, touched her...been _inside_ her. And Emily had done all that to someone else too, someone not me. Every bone in my body ached. Every nerve ending screamed at me in agony. I felt like a heroin addict going through withdrawal. I tortured myself with visions of Emily and this...slut...whispering words of love to each other after satisfying sex. Because Emily only _does_ satisfying sex...Something we had enjoyed endlessly, something _I_ had never done with anyone else. Certainly not the couple of lads I had experimented with before I met her, and definitely not with Sophia. That poor cow had been shown the door almost before she was dressed again. Shame, guilt and fear of discovery, they were my only post coital emotions.

But again, _that_ wasn't true of my cheating girlfriend, was it? Even after I gave in and spoke to Katie the third day down here, I only felt marginally better afterwards. According to Emily's account...and this Isabel bitch's, who, Katie had 'paid a little visit to for a chat', the actual _physical_ affair had only been three weeks. Which hardly eased my mind. OK, they might have been building up to it for a while (all the time I had been blissfully, stupidly unaware) but in the end they did the dirty deed alright. And unlike my solitary bid for freedom years ago, not just once. You can fit a whole lot of shagging into three weeks. Emily and I used to...a lot.

So it still burned like liquid fire... and despite my mothers attempts to pour oil on fucking water or whatever the appropriate metaphor is, it still hurt like hell. Every single day.

I refused point blank to speak to Emily, despite my mother and Katie begging me to. I knew that if I did, it would end up with me screaming hysterically at her. All that control back at the flat would disappear, now I knew the full story of her betrayal. After I'd cleared my phone of the countless calls, messages and texts she'd sent me, I finally blocked her number. Better that than blindly reaching for the phone when it rang in the night, only to find her smiling face flashing up on the screen. A picture which reminded me of happier times, times of love and desire. Times I would never, _ever_ have with her again.

Finally, the lack of sleep, endless smoking and...well...just _thinking_ the same thoughts, over and over, meant I got sick. Not really sick, just exhausted and cried out and broken. I felt like I had the worst hangover in history and it wasn't touched by aspirin or paracetamol. My mum eventually got fed up with opening my curtains to find me staring sightlessly and red eyed at the ceiling, surrounded by used tissues. And I suppose being subjected to 24 hour sessions of Adele was quite wearing for her. I would have played something else...something equally sad and introspective, but most of my CD collection and my knackered iPod was back at the flat. That well used CD had been left behind here when I moved in with Emily. So Adele took a hammering for hours on end. Sometimes 24 hours on end.

My mum finally broke the CD 'cleaning the room' as she put it, without a blush, when I was in the shower one morning. I tried to be mad, but I kind of understood that 64 renditions of ' _Someone like You_ ' can be a bit depressing for anyone not suffering an emotional breakdown.

So this morning, I'm off to the doctors to hopefully get some sleeping tablets and maybe vitamin supplements. I had to be frogmarched to the door, but I finally made it out of the house. My mum was strangely insistent, but I put that down to the after effects of 'Adele trauma'.

Walking down the street towards town I got a start when I thought I saw a flash of familiar dark hair at the junction, but when I looked back, it was gone. Great, now I can add hallucinations to the mix, I thought bitterly.

The quack, of course, was useless. I got the old spiel about things looking up soon and 'have you tried _Reiki_?" Just what I needed, some hippy ding bat massaging my scalp with 'healing hands' and humming mantras. Fuck me, if that was the cure, I had a home grown tree hugger at home. There wasn't a holistic remedy my mother hadn't either tried out or had done to her. A week of chicken soup and tofu had cured me of any belief in my mothers cure alls.

So I left the doctors with a prescription for some mild sleeping tablets and a leaflet on bereavement. You couldn't make it up. I don't remember saying Emily had died...just our relationship?

Anyway. I tried aimlessly walking round the shops, but window shopping in Park Street came to a shuddering halt when I spotted Pandora and Thomas coming out of that new doughnut shop opposite College Green. Nice to know some habits never change , but I had no intention of suffering their sympathetic well wishing. They're both lovely people, but in my current state, I knew one mention of E... _her_...would start my tear ducts off again. I'm not one for public demonstrations of emotion, good or bad...and this would be bad.

So I ducked into an alleyway and waited till they'd passed, they were chattering about how many hundreds and thousands there were on the pink doughnut Pandora was holding up. Who needs the Oxford debating chamber when Pandora Moon is in full flight? Classic.

I was going to go straight home after that near miss, but my mother phoned me just as I was heading for the bus station.

"Naomi...can you pop into that new health food store 'Wild Oats' and pick up some quinoa and cranberries...I was thinking of making a nice salad with guacamole?"

Frankly I would rather have eaten my own head, but my mother was on a mission to 're-educate my taste buds' Which meant my usual comfort food of TGI Friday pulled pork burger was off the fucking menu. Even my bloody food was a reminder of the effect Emily Fitch had had on my life. When we got together, a childhood of conditioning from my hippy parent had more or less made me vegetarian too. Emily loved her meat (stop it) and so gradually I got weaned off salad and cous cous and on to more mainstream stuff like ribs and MacDonald's So sue me?

I sighed and started to protest, but she just let me moan then asked again. I heard a low murmur in the background and strained my ears to hear who was speaking.

"Who's that with you mum?" I said sharply. I wouldn't have put it past Gina Campbell to have roped in one of her medium friends to séance the despair out of me.

She muttered something unconvincing and I let it go. If I'd known what I knew later, I would have headed for the hills...but I didn't.

So I took a bus to Redland Road and spent a few minutes in the health food emporium with a few amiable middle aged people buying anonymous seeds, then walked back till I could grab a bus to my house. It was still cold out and I shivered a bit in my granny jumper. When I'd left the house, I hadn't really paid much attention to what I looked like, but the stares from the three elderly people at the bus stop made me a bit self-conscious now. Droopy necked brown tee shirt, faded stripy jumper and saggy black leggings. I must have look like a fucking down and out. I froze the looks with one of my own hard stares and they looked away eventually, starting to talk about pensions or something. I ignored them after that. It really was getting cold. When the bus arrived, I bagged the seat next to the heater and stared out of the window until my stop.

I got out at the top of the hill and walked quickly down to the yellow chalet. Putting my key in the door, I pushed the door open and slammed it behind me. I could hear voices in the kitchen and groaned to myself. If you'd spent as many years as me encountering naked men with mohicans and various pregnant females milling around the place, you'd learn too to be wary of guests. However, nothing prepared me for the pale face I saw on the other side of our kitchen table.

Emily Jane Fitch.

My first thought was...Jesus, she's still _so_ fucking beautiful. My second was...she looks as emotionally wrecked as I do...but my third thought inevitably, was the one I vocalised.

"What the _fuck_ is _she_ doing here?"


	8. Chapter 8

Emily

When Gina finally opened the door I was in such a state, I almost collapsed. Seeing Naomi so broken, so obviously exhausted and distraught gave my conscience yet another vicious poke.

" _You_ did that" it hissed maliciously

And I knew I had. All those years pursuing, catching and holding onto the woman of my dreams, and I'd fucked it up for a few nights writhing under the quilt of a rented bed, persuading my stupid self that I was just experimenting...finding out what the grass tasted like on the other side of the fence. Well, I knew now, didn't I? And it left a very bitter after taste. All my dreams lay shattered...and so did my girlfriend. She looked so much like the Naomi I punished back in college. Tired, washed out, hopeless. But this time it wasn't because _she_ had done anything wrong. She promised me, when we got back together properly, that she'd never, ever hurt me again and she'd kept her word. She hadn't.

But I had hurt _her_ instead...in the worst possible way.

XX

Earlier...

The door swung open and the unmistakeable figure of Gina, my girlfriends mother stood there, regarding me with a stern face. I'd never had that sort of welcome from her before. Even when Naomi and I were going through the bad times, her mum had been like my surrogate parent. Endless cups of tea, chicken soup, hugs, whispered encouragement. All of that. And I'd thrown it all back in her face now, hadn't I?

For a second, I thought she might just slam the door back in my face, but then her face softened and she held out her arms towards me. I collapsed into them, sobbing and brokenly trying to apologise. She just shushed me and held me tightly until I could speak without choking.

"Come on Emily..." she said kindly "Let's get you inside...I think the neighbours have had enough of a show, don't you?"

I nodded weakly and she walked me into that oh so familiar house. Sitting me down at the kitchen table, she bustled about at the worktop, boiling a kettle and pouring a cup of camomile tea for me. I sipped it gratefully. Naomi hated camomile, but I always found it soothing when I was stressed, and boy was I stressed today.

"Right..." Gina said when I had put down the cup and used yet another of my endless tissues to dry my sore eyes "...its all a bit of a mess, sweetheart, isn't it?"

I nodded wordlessly, gulping back a sob which tried to force its way out of my throat.

"I've been so stupid...so _stupid_ " I whispered "She's the best thing that ever happened to me...and now I don't think she'll ever forgive me Gina?"

The older woman shook her head sadly and my heart sank another notch.

"Well...you've both got a long hard road to travel from here on...thats for sure. You know my daughter as well as I do by now Emily. She's slow to love and even slower to forgive. That's if she even _can_ forgive?"

I wept again. If even _this_ woman thought it was impossible, maybe it was.

"I can't lose her...I just _can't_?" I said fiercely "She's everything to me...I know I've been stupid...cruel...unfaithful...but she has to forgive me...otherwise I might..."

"Oh _stop_ it" Gina said sharply and I looked up at her in shock. In all the time I'd known her, she's never raised her voice to me, or her own daughter. She was the original oasis of calm in a whirlpool of conflicting factions.

"That's _no_ answer, so put that sort of thought right out of your head young lady...didn't the death of that poor girl Sophia teach you anything? Despair is understandable...you've broken Naomi's heart..and now your own...and it might never be right between you two again. But you're young...both of you...if this truly can't be fixed...then life _does_ go on Emily Fitch...It might not seem like it now, but it will...trust me"

That was hardly the thing I wanted to hear, so she sat there while I sobbed a bit more. Being shouted at by Gina Campbell wasn't the worst thing that had happened over the past few weeks, but it was the thing I least expected.

Her warm hand came out and covered mine on the table, and her voice softened.

"But that's for the future...you know how stubborn she can be. I just want to know _why_...why you gave up on her, Emily?"

I stared at Naomi's mum. I knew this question was coming, but to be honest I still didn't know.

"I...I think it was just that it was all a bit _too_ easy...too safe...I've never wanted anyone in my life like her. Right from school, from the first time I saw her, it was always Naomi, Naomi, Naomi. I used to have to hide my school note book from Katie, because it was covered in drawings and hearts with our names in them. Then, when we got together, I felt like I was in heaven. All my dreams had come true. She loved me as much as I loved her...and for a long while, that was enough...more than enough. You know we came close to splitting up while we were at Uni? All that course work, new friends, interests. It was hard then...but we came through that. And then we got the apartment. It was perfect. I could make excuses about being flattered someone else liked me, wanted me...but it was more than that. We were drifting...just coasting along. Suddenly it _wasn't_ enough"

Gina frowned.

"It's called growing up Emily" she said quietly "Life isn't all about roses, hearts and endless shagging. Sometimes you just have to accept that you can't be on honeymoon all your life. I have one question for you..and I want you to think about it before you answer. Are you prepared for what you have to do now? Because I don't want to sugar coat it. My daughter is proud, stubborn and right now her heart is broken. She might not even want to try again, have you thought about that?"

I had of course, but I had forced the thought down, preferring to hope.

I nodded.

"Yes...I know that. I've done a terrible, hurtful thing. I don't know if she'll ever forgive me...but I have to try Gina...I have to try...she's everything to me and I promise you that I'll never do anything like that again. If she gives me a second chance, I'll make her happy again"

Again I got the long stare before Gina smiled. Not the sort of smile I was used to getting from her, but it was a start.

We had another tea and I poured out more of my heart onto the kitchen table. I told her everything. Gina is probably the least shockable person on the planet, so I took the chance to say things I hadn't even told Katie. She just listened, nodded and let me get it all out. Finally, with me reaching for yet another tissue, she stopped me with her hand.

"OK...that's enough Emily. I believe you. You made a massive mistake, instead of talking to Naomi, you rushed out and found someone else to tell your troubles to. But its _her_ who needs to hear this. Trouble is...she's not going to exactly be over the moon about you being here. You say you've given up your job? How are you going to live?...it's not like the old days...me offering you somewhere to stay. I'm sure Kieran would be fine with that, but Naomi...?"

I shook my head quickly.

"No...no, thats OK. I've found a place...a small flat in town. I can get a job here easy enough. I just _can't_ be up in London while there's even the faintest chance she'll have me back. I know she'll hate me being here...maybe even run away again herself when she finds out, but it's the only thing I can do to show her that I'm sorry and that I still want us to have a future"

I paused for breath and looked at Gina hopefully.

"OK" she breathed "I believe you're truly sorry Emily and I believe you when you say you still love her. But I'm not the one you need to convince. How do you plan to get through to her? Its not just her stubbornness you've got to contend with. She's as hurt as I've ever seen her. Trust is something that comes hard to Naomi, always has. She will probably just refuse to even be in the same room as you...at least at first...are you prepared for all that? My daughter can be a bit...forceful...in her language when she's upset"

I nodded again. I knew all that too. But I had to try? What else was there for me to do? If I wanted her back, I had to show her that not only was I incredibly sorry for hurting her so badly, but that something in me had changed, that she could trust me again.

Just then the front door lock clicked and I heard footsteps in the hall. I was facing the door and braced myself for what I knew was likely to happen.

The door opened and Naomi walked in, her pale face registered shock, then cold anger.

"What the _fuck_ is she doing here?" she spat, glaring at me.

Gina stood up and faced her daughter.

"Emily has come to see you" she said simply.

Naomi sneered and folded her arms across her chest.

"Well she's out of fucking luck...I don't want to see _her_ " she rasped "And she's got about three seconds to get the fuck out of my house before I throw her out"

I flinched at the venom in her voice. But Gina spoke before I could.

"First off sweetie, its _my_ house, not yours...and secondly...if there's any physical violence, I might have something to say about that too. Why don't you sit down...you know at some point you two have to talk...I'll make some t..."

" _Fuck_ the tea!" Naomi screeched, her face white with outrage. "You're fucking unbelievable, d'you know that? _SHE_ is sitting there, looking like butter wouldn't melt...and you want me to sit down and drink fucking tea with the bitch? She broke my fucking _heart_! I'm supposed to be your daughter mum, not her...well, if that's the way it is...I'm off. My own fucking mother siding with the slut who couldn't keep her legs crossed. Whats the matter Em?...Isabel shut hers too? Shame...you'll have to find another slut to _fuck_..."

I never saw Gina Campbell move so fast. Her hand came up and slapped Naomi across the cheek. It wasn't hard, but it had the desired effect. The look of anger on Naomi's face was replaced with one of utter shock. Then Gina grabbed her and hugged her fiercely.

"Now listen to me Naomi...I know you're angry, bitter...but I _won't_ have anyone talked to like that in this house. Emily came here to try to put things right...and you will NOT scream at her like that. Go upstairs and calm down. You're not going anywhere"

The incredible thing was, Naomi just turned and did exactly what she was told. I heard the bedroom door close quietly upstairs.

I stared at Gina as she watched Naomi walk out of the room. She had her hand up to her mouth and her eyes were wide. She turned to me.

"That's the first time I've ever laid a hand on my daughter Emily...I really don't know where that came from?"

I got up and hugged her. It was the only thing I could think of doing.

"I'm so sorry Gina...I've brought all this trouble to your house...I'll go now...I've done enough damage for one day. You go and make your peace with Naomi...I'll..."

"No" Gina said firmly " She's upset and scared and angry. But make no mistake, if you walk away now, it will be the worst thing you could ever do. She says she hates you...wants you to disappear, but I saw the look in her eyes before she started ranting. She still loves you Emily, and the best thing you can do is go up there, confront her and tell her what's in your heart. We both know she'll curse and rave at you. But she needs to know you want to make this right. I can't guarantee how this will all turn out, but I do know the very worst thing you can do now is just leave. Those old Campbell defensive walls are half way built again...you need to stop her before she closes off completely. Go on...I'll give you ten minutes, then I'll rescue you both"

She smiled again and brushed a lock of my hair out of my eyes.

"Go on...up you go"

I felt like I was 6 years old, being sent to bed. But this was worse than any early bed time. I took a deep breath and walked up those familiar stairs to her room. I started to raise my hand to knock, then realised she would know who it was, so lowered my hand again. I took another deep breath and opened the door.

I almost choked out a sob when I saw her sitting there, on her bed, facing the wall. She didn't even look up.

"Go away Emily" she said in a tiny voice.

"I can't" I said honestly "Just give me five minutes...let me tell you what I need to...then if you want to throw me out...I'll go"

She looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

"Five minutes...then I want you out of my house...out of my life Emily" she said in a trembling voice. That hurt.

I walked over and stood in front of her. Still she sat facing the wall, keeping her eyes off my face. So I knelt down in front of her and touched her on the hand. She jumped as if she was scalded.

" _Don't_...please?" she whispered.

"OK" I said "I understand. Look, I know you hate me..."

This time she looked up at me sharply.

"I don't hate you Emily...I wish to God I could hate you. You broke my fucking heart...and I don't think it can ever be fixed. Why are you even here...what else is there to say? You cheated...not once, but over and over...I found out...end of story, yeah?"

I swallowed hard, wishing that I could just magic this all away. She looked so...defeated. It broke my heart a little bit more.

"There's nothing I can say to justify what I did. I fucked up..." I started.

"No...you fucked this Isabel...remember? Was she at least a great shag Emily...better than me?...Did she make you come as hard as I used to?...Did she hold you afterwards like I did...comfort you when you were upset...dry your tears... **did** she?"

This time I did sob as I shook my head. Every word was like a knife in my heart. Truth was that Isabel did none of those things. Of course the sex was exciting...new, but we didn't spend any time cuddling like lovers afterwards...like Naomi and I had. But she didn't want or need to hear that.

Naomi looked at me again with big tears brimming in her eyes.

"Remember when you told me...on that rooftop...that I'd ruined it?" she smiled to herself, not a happy smile. "Well, I've worked it out...I really did ruin it didn't I? I thought we'd put it behind us...moved on...all forgiven and that...but it was just there , wasn't it...waiting to fuck things up for us again. Does it feel better, knowing you've done the same to me now?"

I shook my head again, crying openly now.

"Its not like that...it was never about revenge Naoms...I wish I could tell you it was something you did, something that _we_ did that caused it, but that's not true. It was all me. I forgot what I had and threw it away for a meaningless fling...I know that"

She shook her head savagely "Not meaningless Em...it means something, doesn't it...when the love of your life cheats on you...fucks you over..."

I tried again to hold her hand, but she slapped my hand away.

"It's been five minutes Emily...I'd like you to go now" she whispered.

I nodded. I'd tried to say what I wanted to, but the words stuck in my throat. I had one more card to play, so I dug in my bag and pulled something out.

When I'd found out about her and Sophia...and we'd had that confrontation on the car park roof, I'd wandered around for ages. Going to see my dad...crying in the street, just stuff. But when I got back to the house we shared (and I still didn't know why my feet had carried me there) there was a note in the letterbox. A small folded bit of yellow card. She'd written something on it...something that struck a chord inside me. I'd picked it out of the flap, for a second turning to walk away for good, but when I looked at it properly, it had a message on it.

" _I'll do anything_ "

And it may have taken months...Months where I punished her again and again for her betrayal. But I _had_ forgiven her.

I saw her eyes widen when she saw what I had in my hand. I'd never told her I'd kept it...hidden at the bottom of my jewellery box, carefully folded.

I held it out to her and she took it, tears falling on it as her hand gripped it tightly.

I'd added a few words to her note.

" _So will I_ "

Then I turned and walked out of her home, her life maybe.


	9. Chapter 9

Naomi

I sat there for nearly an hour after E... _she_...left. Holding that stupid bit of yellow card in my hand. I remembered hunting for something to write on when Emily was wandering the streets after she found out about my own personal bit of treachery. I sat and thought about how I'd hunted for something else too...the words to show her how much I loved and wanted her...how much I was sorry and ashamed. In the end, those three words were enough. Enough to make her turn round. Watching her look up at the window where I was staring down, watching her wrestle with the decision whether to come back, not just into the house, but back into our house...into our relationship.

The months ahead were bleak, nasty ones for me. Emily punishing me in small ways every day. Ignoring me, avoiding me, especially in bed. Belittling me in the common room at college in front of our friends. Then the barbecue when the whole world, including her spiteful mother, found out about my infidelity. That random girl she kissed, the 'non affair' she had with that Mandy girl...then, after actually starting to come to terms with the fact that our relationship had come to an end, I had a sort of epiphany. Waking up on the bed we had shared, with her folded clothes on the floor...inhaling her scent from that old tee shirt...deciding that I would give it one more go, because a life without Emily yawned in front of me terrifyingly, like a huge black void. And then...then she finally forgave me.

But could I forgive her?

I really didn't think so. Because this was different, wasn't it? We weren't 17 any more. We had a life together, a future. I'd even considered asking her to marry me for fucks sake. Her pleading and cajoling me in Vegas, in front of that creepy Elvis chapel had stayed with me after we got home. There was no way I was going to tie the knot with her in front of a sweating Elvis impersonator with an improbable nylon wig, complete with 1950's soundtrack. But I loved her and never wanted to be without her. I knew marriage was important to Ems. Not because of the piece of paper, not because it was legal now. But because it _mattered_ to _her_. All her life she'd encountered prejudice, denial of her sexuality, of her love for me. From the very people you trust and depend on utterly.

Her family.

She knew that Jenna would never accept our relationship as anything but a 'phase' (a fucking 6 _year_ phase, I thought savagely), Marriage would have put the seal on _that_ stupid maternal Fitch idea.

But now it was all academic, wasn't it? Because just when I was overcoming a lifelong aversion to conformity and deciding on rings and pretty dresses, she does this.

And it felt like she had thrown a hand grenade into the room where our love lived.

I stared at the yellow card again. _Could_ I forgive her...could we get past this and move on?

Like I said, an hour later...still staring at the words ' _So will I'_...I was no nearer deciding. I'd stopped crying. I think my tear ducts had actually dried out. The pills the doctor gave me were still in their packet, but I didn't think that the solution to my misery lived in there anyway.

Just then, a gentle tap came on the door. I knew Emily had left, so it could only be my annoying mother. I sighed wearily. I wanted to hate her for allowing Emily into the house ( _her_ house, my inner voice whispered), for forcing me to confront my fear. But I knew now that no amount of wallowing in my room, no amount of solitary misery and crying, were going to answer the question I feared the most. Could I _ever_ forgive her?

Mum came in with a cup of (proper) tea, which I took from her gratefully. My body needed hydration after all the crying I'd been doing and despite how hot it was, I found myself sipping it thirstily. Mum watched me drinking and sat on the end of the bed, waiting for me to finish before speaking.

"Better?" she asked

I nodded. Better is a relative term, but I did feel a tiny bit more human.

"Yeah" I said quietly with a voice ruined by crying "A bit..."

"Right...so first of all I'm so sorry for slapping you Naomi...I said I would never lift a hand to you...ever...and I've broken my promise. I am truly sorry...you didn't deserve that"

I shook my head this time.

"No...you're wrong mum. I was out of control. I would have said things...horrible, hurtful things...things I didn't mean, if you hadn't stopped me..."

She smiled warmly and gripped my hand as I held the cup in my lap.

"Well then...its never going to happen again, so lets forget it...but you have some decisions to make, haven't you?"

"Yeah" I said "Big ones...but I can't just forgive her mum. She hurt me so fucking much...I'm not sure I could ever trust her again"

She nodded.

"That would be understandable. But can you think about a future without Emily?...after all, you two have been together all of your adult lives. It's a lot of time to just discard and say it's all been for nothing?"

I knew she was right, but there was still so much...anger...in me. I didn't know if I would ever be able to look at Emily without seeing other lips on her, other hands on her. Something pure and unique had been shattered. Up until now, no one had ever seen Emily the way I had. Not just naked and writhing in a bed. But sharing tired, satisfied kisses afterwards, whispering together into the night. Waking up with her staring at me, with a look of total adoration in her eyes. Someone else had seen those eyes in the night time, someone else had caressed her, whispered to her, loved her.

Apparently my tear ducts had been recharged, because fresh salty moisture began seeping from my eyes. My mum offered me a clean hankie and I wiped my face.

"I don't know mum...it's such a mess. I may never be able to be with her without this...Isabel...coming between us. She might do it again...and I couldn't bear that"

Mum shook her head firmly.

"No...I know we can't see into the future and us human beings can fuck up spectacularly at any time, but I think Emily has been as burned by this as you..."

I went to protest, but she ignored me.

"...I don't mean you haven't been hurt worse by this, because you have. But she is hurt too...and I don't for a moment think that its the same. It's her fault and she knows it. She did a horrible, deceitful thing, and she's paying for it. But somehow love, we need to get past this. I don't mean just for you to forgive her and welcome her back with open arms. I know you well enough to know thats not going to happen. But life goes on, as trite as that sounds. Sometime soon you're going to have to move on, with or without her"

I bit my lip and nodded. I knew that...but not now...not so soon.

"Tell you what...I think Auntie Sarah still has that time share in Gran Canaria...you know, the one in that little compound? What did you call it when you were a kid...?"

I smiled weakly, remembering the small white chalet with the glittering blue pool in front of it.

" _Mas pyjamas_ " I said grinning.

"Maspalomas" my mum said, grinning back. "Nice little place...only half a mile from the sea...lovely pool right outside the front door. The weather will be good over there already...why don't I see if it's available now? We could get a cheap flight...I have a bit saved up for a rainy day...you can chill out on the sun lounger...read some books, soak up some Mediterranean sun and relax. You always loved the place as a child. No pressure. I'll keep out of your way if you want to go...clubbing is it...in Playa...?"

I shook my head at her daft expression.

"My clubbing days are mostly over mum. Spending three hours crushed inside a sweaty cube with even sweatier men trying to get their hand down my shirt...my ears blasted by endless bass... isn't on my to do list any more...in fact, me and _E_..." I stopped, Still referencing the Fitches, then?

Mum smiled apologetically.

"Well, anyway...it would be a chance for you to get out of this bedroom, put your troubles behind you for a week. Sometimes a change of scenery really does help?"

I nodded "Yep...that sounds good. Give her a call"

Mum slipped off downstairs and got straight on the phone while I went into the shower. My face felt sore from all the crying and my body ached too. Maybe a trip to somewhere warm and friendly was just what I needed?

When I got out of the shower, walking back to the bedroom in a thick towel, she was still on the phone. But it wasn't to Auntie Sarah. I only caught the last few words, but it didn't take a genius to work out who she was speaking to.

"OK love...just be patient...she needs time to heal...yes...right I will tell her you love her..." she finished.

I wanted to be mad, wanted to scream down the stairs at her for interfering yet again. But instead I bit my lip and carried on into the bedroom. I might not be anywhere near ready to forgive my cheating partner, but I was ready to let that slide...

But the thing that kept nagging away at me...the thing that wouldn't let me rest, still hadn't been answered.

If Katie hadn't told me...how long would it have gone on?

XXX

Emily

I put the phone down with numb fingers. Gina was taking her away for a week in Spain. Half of me ached desperately to be there with her...the other half knew that I couldn't. Gina was right...she needed to heal and not with me in the immediate vicinity. It still felt right that I had moved down here, to Bristol, where it all began. But hanging round her doorstep, being subjected to daily insults and rejections wasn't very productive. Much as I hated the idea, maybe Gina was right (yet again) A week away in the sun...resting, recovering and hopefully healing might do more than all my pleading. Of course, I could be totally wrong and the distance between us could be even wider when she got back. It was a chance I had to take...a chance I had no _choice_ but to take. Short of hopping on a flight to Gran Canaria myself, I just had to wait it out. I decided to use the time to pull myself together too. Something to take my mind off things...off the very real and scary prospect of Naomi hooking up with someone else over there as revenge...

So I went back to my new apartment, Got onto the Argos website and started ordering stuff to make my life liveable again. Furniture, kitchen things, lamps...you know the story. And when I'd finally exhausted my shopping binge, I had a shower, changed into something vaguely business like and started job hunting. I hit the agencies in town and delivered my CV to several. Nothing left now but to wait. Wait for deliveries, wait for interviews and...wait for my love.

XXX

Katie

The call from Emily came at what I guess you would say was a critical moment. She always did have shit timing.

"Oh shit Katie...oh God babe...do that thing with your tongue?...oh Jesus, _that_ one...I'm gonna blow..."

You get the picture? Gavin, my latest conquest was just about to enjoy the rewards for buying me the handbag I had coveted for weeks, but never had the funds or the dupe to buy it for me. My phone buzzed busily on the desk beside me. It was after 6...the office was deserted, and unlike my saddo sister, I needed no excuses to have some fun after work. Gavin was nice...dark haired, 6 pack, white even teeth...oh, and he had the nicest dick I had played with for ages. Sort of...proportional...if you know what I mean. What I call a Goldilocks cock. Not too big, not too small...?

I'd been sitting on this chair for ten minutes, making sure his first Fitch blow-job was one he'd wank over for a month afterwards. I honed my craft from the age of 16...and I've _never_ had any complaints.

So the phone ringing just as lover boy was approaching the vinegar stroke was a problem. Did I stop...giving him a prize set of blue balls and risk pissing him off...or did I carry on, risking an important phone call being missed.

In the end I compromised. Taking my mouth off him with an audible plop, I stroked him slowly, keeping him right on the edge while I found out what my usually weeping sister wanted. Blood really is thicker than water, but it was a close thing tonight.

" _Yes_?" I said, looking up at him in apology and wincing at his 'almost there' face.

"Sorry...are you busy Katie...I just needed some advice...but if you're.."

"No, that's fine Em" I said through gritted teeth, still softly stroking Romeo to keep him on the boil. "What's the crisis...as if I didn't know"

"Naomi..." she said pointlessly. Like it was going to be Donald Trump that was giving her trouble.

"What's the silly bitch done now?" I said shooting a small smile up at Gavin to apologise.

"She's gone away for a week in Gran Canaria with Gina...I think she needs space to think...you know...about whether we can make a go of it again?"

I nodded, which was a bit fucking pointless, but whatever.

"Do I keep on phoning her...telling her I'm sorry?" she asked

"Well duh...of _course_ " I said firmly "The last thing you should do is let her have a week without contact, specially with all those hot European dykes parading around the pool with micro bikinis...before you know it...she'll be ears deep in some Dutch blonde and off to muff heaven without you. Let her know you still fancy the pants off her and she''ll come back ready to rip your clothes off and resume beaver buffing asap"

Unfortunately, while I was issuing sage lesbian advice to my sister, I forgot old Gavin was listening. Now I know the twin thing is a non starter. Always has been, but guys? Never can get over that little hurdle. Giving sex advice to my sister while stroking old Gav was a bad move. He lost it.

I heard him groan desperately and just had time to tell Emily to wait a second before my skills were required in a different direction. I suppose Emily could hear the satisfied moans of my new squeeze as I disposed of the evidence. Anyway, when I'd straightened up and sipped a mouthful of fizzy water from the strategically placed plastic cup, I got a volley in the ear from my darling sister.

" _Fuck_ Katie...what the fucking...were you su...you _were_ weren't you...I'm talking to you about losing the best thing that ever happened to me and you're playing the fucking pink clarinet?...Unbelievable"

"Whatever.." I said disinterestedly, "life goes on Ems...and my love life is a hell of a lot stabler than yours isn't it?"

I suppose that was a bit cruel, but she had kind of interrupted at a critical moment? What's a girl supposed to do?

She hung up shortly after...while I decided to see if Gavin could give as well as receive...if you know what I mean?

Sisters huh?


	10. Chapter 10

Naomi

Sitting here...with my feet in cool blue water and the sun beating on my back, it's hard to believe this is the same planet as before. My mum is in the chalet, trying to murder some pasta and pesto (I keep telling her we're in Spain, not Italy, but...). I keep telling her _too,_ it's as cheap to buy food as make it out here, but she insists on 'feeding me up' with home made stuff. Like I'm some sort of refugee from a country that oppresses the broken hearted.

Because I am...still...broken hearted, I mean. The weather is great, the little chalet just as nice as I remember it from when I was 12 or so...anyway, the last time I came here. But there is a fucking great grey cloud still sitting over yours truly. A personal one called Fitch.

It's been three days now, and I _have_ actually tried to enjoy myself. We arrived on some horrendous cattle class Squeezy Jet type tourist aircraft some time after midnight. Apparently, it was the only one with seats available. I suffered the 4 hour flight in relative silence. Being squashed up against a perspiring woman with terminal BO wasn't the start to this break I wanted, but my mum was good enough to swap seats with me half way. Otherwise I might have been escorted off the flight at the arrivals hall, having stabbed the fat bint repeatedly with a blunt plastic knife.

But that aside, and the equally horrid coach transfer to the resort, its been a welcome distraction so far.

And talking about distractions...

The compound is made up of four small chalets arranged around a large oblong pool. One at each end and two semi detached ones (ours included) on the edge of the long side of the swimming pool. The whole place is surrounded by orange and lemon trees and a tall chain link fence with a locked gate at the front. It's as private as you can get on the long access road to the beach, and with a few shops a couple of hundred metres further up the road, its convenient for everything we need. But I'm prevaricating here. It's not the location that's the distraction,

A certain female in the chalet to the left of us, the one at the short end of the pool, _is_. Not that I'm looking for that sort of distraction. Far from it. Heart...broken...remember?

But Ella...that's her name by the way...is very...distracting.

The day after we got here, and with the other three chalets empty (Its early season) I thought we would have the whole place to ourselves for the week. Greedy I know, but isolation...as long as my mum is there to dole out food and sympathy...seemed to be just what the doctor ordered. Better than the fucking sleeping tablets and bereavement leaflets? But next morning, just as I was settling down in front of the pool on a lounger with the smallest bikini in my wardrobe on, a copy of Heat in my sticky little hands (its always nice to read about people with even more fucked up love lives than your own) a family turned up at the gate. Well, I say a family. It was a girl about my age (Ella) and her little brother. He was around twelve and I groaned inside at the prospect of having a hormonal adolescent next door. I had enough trouble with Emily's little brother when we first got together (yes, I _know_ , Fitch reference alert) James's fixation with my tits and arse were amusing at first, but the little fucker had an almost infallible sex radar. He could detect the signs of me and E...my ex...getting 'friendly' at 500 metres. More than once we only just managed to pull our hands out of each others knickers before he burst into whatever room we were in, on the pretext of finding gym kit or some such nonsense. Being a cock blocker came naturally to him. I just hoped that junior here was a bit lower down the schoolboy pervert scale than Emily's brother.

Turned out that wasn't my problem at all. Ella was the daughter of a British GP, with time on her hands and a small brother to 'occupy' while her parents went through the messy business of divorce. They lived in Leicester and her mother thought it would be a good idea to get the kids away while solicitors were tearing financial chunks out of each other's clients in the courts.

I found all this out the first evening. Ella and her brother came over and introduced themselves politely to us while we were relaxing after dinner. My mother was of course delighted. Two more lost waifs to fuss over, and it was pretty obvious after an hour of muted conversation, that the other girl played for our side, as it were. Both me and mum clocked that straight away, but more of that later.

Ella was... _is_...extremely pretty. Her father being Jamaican and her mother Polish, she had that lovely coffee coloured skin that would never need a sun lamp to look good. Long straight, coal black hair and sparkling brown eyes (I know...I shouldn't even be noticing. My sex drive seemed to have taken it's own holiday recently..to Outer Mongolia) She chatted away to me animatedly while my mum smothered Richie in overdone maternal clucking. Show my mother a wounded bird and she starts dressing the broken wing in a nanosecond. The kid seemed as besotted by my mother as she was with him, so that left a lot of time for me and Ella to get acquainted. I wasn't really in the mood, but she was persistent.

So of course, once my mother realised Ella was looking at me in _that_ way... she started to push us together even more overtly. I don't think she actually wanted me to shag the other girl, but she must have thought the distraction would be good for my aching heart.

Which, in a way, it was. Ella is funny, cheerful and attentive. I have been gay long enough to know the signs of someone who wants to nail you. The little touches, the over-long eye contact and hair twirling. God, I could read her intentions like a book. I just wasn't interested. While Ella was undoubtedly hot...her body was as pretty as her face...(so sue me, I **am** gay)...every time I thought about letting her obvious flirting get more serious, another face swam into my mind. Three guesses?

So we spent a bit...OK a lot of time together. My mum and Richie were virtually inseparable which left me with the delicate problem of an obviously interested and horny Ella.

Take this morning. There I was, sitting on the edge of the pool in my bikini. Although it was early, the sun was well up and I knew I would have to duck inside to put more lotion on if I didn't want to burn. I was staring at the still water as if it had the solution to my problems, when a shadow fell over me.

Ella.

I tried, your worship, I really did, to look away, but she had obviously saved this swimsuit for maximum effect. Tiny...more three minuscule triangles of yellow material really, just about covering her boobs and fanny. The bright yellow contrasted beautifully with the velvety brown of her skin. I saw her eyes widen as I scanned those curves. Big tits for her size...slim hips and long, long legs. It really was unfair. If I hadn't been committed to a certain petite brunette with rosebud lips, I would have taken up her obvious offer on the spot. For the first time in weeks I got a twinge in a certain spot I knew would have to be taken care of sooner rather than later.

"Morning Naomi" she said in that attractive sing song voice and I swallowed before answering.

"Morning Ella...you look...err...really good today?"

Then I blushed like a fucking virgin bride... _looking really good?_ Jesus Naomi...keep it in your pants...broken heart, cheating girlfriend, remember?

She smiled at my stunned expression and sat down beside me. I don't think it was a coincidence that her warm thigh pressed against mine. I shivered.

"Any plans for today" she asked, cocking one eyebrow. Subtlety not being one of her strong points obviously "Your mum is taking Richie to the water park in Playa...don't really fancy that...do you want to...hang out... for a bit...maybe at the beach?"

I swallowed again. Entirely inappropriate versions of 'hanging out' were now playing on my internal cinema screen...mostly sans clothing. Fucking hell, now _I_ was turning into James Fitch?

"Err...actually I was thinking of spending a day by the pool...by myself...doing a bit of thinking...you know...by myself?"

If you _can_ actually kick yourself, I would have be doing that right then. Not only was that a very uncomfortable bit of deja vu, reminding me of that lame attempt I made to put Emily off by the lockers at Roundview, but by the clumsy way I had said it, I saw the flash of pure disappointment in Ella's eyes at my obvious brush off.

"B...but...we could still hang out...just here...?" I said quickly, trying to rescue my faux pas.

She recovered herself and smiled again. My eyes lingered on those full lips and another twinge warmed my bikini bottoms. God she was beautiful...if I was only single...

But then I am, aren't I?...I thought

I don't know where this conversation would have gone from there if my sainted mother hadn't used her exquisite timing to break the mood. I think we were edging towards dropping the charade and taking this inside?

"Naomi!...can you give me a hand love?" came loudly from inside our chalet. I raised my eyebrows in resignation and shrugged at Ella.

"I'd better go...you know...give her a hand...see you back here in ten?" I said brightly.

She smiled warmly back at me and lifted herself off the tiles. Her right breast slowly brushed my arm as she did and the twinge between my legs suddenly got hotter. 'Big _and_ firm"...my libido whispered to me ' I bet they feel...'

"Fuck OFF!" I told myself furiously.

I almost leapt into the air...fuck I needed some self help here...like _soon_. This was _way_ too tempting. I decided that in future I would have to keep a respectable distance from this pretty, available creature. My dormant sex drive was stretching and yawning...time to put some space between us.

But you know what they say about best laid plans?

Half an hour later, my mothers mini picnic crisis solved, she had taken Richie by the hand and the two of them were now on a bus to Playa del Ingles. Which left me and a certain mixed race beauty alone together.

I tried, I really tried. But there was no way I could diplomatically stay away from her. We were the only people in the compound for starters. I suppose I could have made some excuse and sloped off to the beach, but that would have been rude and anyway, I would then have been prey for the dozens of patrolling Lothario's, walking up and down the promenade, holding their hairy stomach's in. No fucking way Jose.

So I gave in gracefully and settled onto a lounger next to Ella and did a lot of mental cold showering. Especially when she stretched to get a drink or smear on some more sun tan lotion. She did offer to help me out with my own sun protection, but I'm only human. Broken heart or not, I knew from the glint in her eye that if she got her hands on my body, I wouldn't have the strength to resist. What can I say? I'm a healthy 23 year old lesbian who hasn't been laid in weeks...

So I tried to keep the conversation light and neutral. Fat chance...she was too clever for that.

"So...how come you're not spoken for?" she said, smiling at me as I lay there attempting to not read a book. "You're fucking gorgeous...is there a significant other at home?"

I gulped a bit.

"There _was_..." I said quietly and she frowned at the way I said it.

"Problems then...?" she asked.

"You could say that" I found myself explaining, although I'd promised myself I wouldn't be saying anything of the sort to a total stranger. "Very significant other...but she couldn't keep it in her pants"

"Oh" Ella said sympathetically "Thats a fucker...silly girl...if I had someone as beautiful as you...I wouldn't even _look_ at another woman"

Flattery works, didn't anyone tell you that?

I smiled gratefully and rolled onto my stomach, so I wasn't facing her. It seemed easier that way.

"Broke my heart and ended what I thought was a solid a 6 year relationship...hence the cosy short notice holiday with mother?"

"6 _years_?" she said in surprise "So you were what...16 when you two got together?"

"17 really,,,but we'd been dancing around each other for months before she got me to admit I loved her...oh shit...did I just say that out loud?" I said

Ella ducked her head and smiled.

"Meeting the love at your life at school? Seems like a dream really..."

"More like a nightmare when you find out she's been having a fucking affair for months" I said bitterly "Her twin sister told me...I would have carried on being the stupid half of the relationship for months if she hadn't"

"I bet that made for rather awkward sisterly relations...you know, dropping her twin in it with you?"

"You have to know Katie Fitch to properly understand her. She does what she thinks is right and fuck the consequences. Don't get me wrong...she's probably letting Emily cry on her shoulder plenty by now, but she's been a good friend to me and she couldn't understand why Ems would do that to me...so she spilled the beans"

Ella nodded gravely.

"Its a real bitch though...6 _years_...?"

I bit my lip and looked into the distance for a moment.

"Down the fucking tubes in one. She says she's sorry...but the hardest part...?"

Ella cocked an eyebrow and waited for me to finish

"...I'm pretty sure it would still be going on if Katie hadn't told me. Makes you feel a bit worthless, you know?"

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and shivered despite the heat.

"Sorry...stupid of me to rake it all over again...still...you're here, you're single..and..."

She lifted that manicured eyebrow again

"And..." I said, laughing at her blunt attempt at seduction.

"And we're two rather gorgeous 20 something gay girls...in a semi tropical paradise and...no one else is here to disturb us... **and** I really want to find out what's under that pretty bikini?"

I swallowed hard.

"Are you trying to _seduce_ me Ella?" I said hoarsely, shivering despite the growing heat between my legs.

"Would you let me if I tried to, Naomi...?" she laughed back. But neither of us were being humorous. Suddenly the still morning air seemed to lack oxygen. I felt my breathing get faster. She was right. We were two single women, half naked and equally horny. What was I being so coy about?

I realised this was going to happen if I let it. But did I want to?

Ella took the decision out of my hands, as it were. She stood up in one fluid movement and undid the ties on her tiny top. The yellow triangles dropped to the floor and her beautiful tits bounced into view. I had been right, they were magnificent. My face must have betrayed my excitement because she grinned at me then.

"I'm going into my chalet and I'm going to get rid of these.." she indicated the equally brief err... _briefs_. "If you want to find out how much fun we can have...follow me in there?"

And with that she walked slowly towards her chalet. When she had slid the glass doors to one side she stepped inside and half turned towards me. Her left hand went to the tie on the side of her hips and she pulled it. The material fluttered to the tiles at her feet. I caught a glimpse of mocha brown skin and realised with a dull shock that she was completely shaved...and I mean _all_ over... before she disappeared into the bedroom.

I sat there for a second, indecisive as always. Then I got up and followed her inside.

XXX

Emily

I'd texted Naomi several times since she'd been gone. Nothing too deep, just the usual ' _I'm sorry_ ' and ' _I meant what I said...I'll do anything_ '.

But I'd just got a two word reply both times. ' _Too soon_ '

But I was damned if I was giving up. If I knew Naomi (and I should have known her at lot better if I was truthful) she would be burying her head in a book, trying to replace her unhappy memories with the fantasy life on the pages). I had to try. Twice last night, I called her, but the phone went straight to voice mail. But this was a new day...I was sitting in the flat waiting for the Argos van to arrive with my new bed, sofa and kitchen stuff. I had two interviews early next week for jobs with Bristol based accountants, and I felt a tiny bit better than I had. Naomi liked to bury herself in literature when she was down, I was more comfortable dealing with practical matters. We're just different that way.

But I knew my sister and Gina were right when they'd told me, if I truly wanted her back...wanted her forgiveness...I needed to keep on reminding her of my existence.

So I tried again. It was early still in the UK, but in Spain, the time would be mid morning. Naomi had long got over her student style sleep ins, so I reasoned she would be up and about. Hopefully Gina would be keeping her busy sightseeing and sunbathing. Rather that than visualising Naomi writhing under some tanned and energetic Swedish tart?

The phone rang for ages , but finally she picked up...

XXX

Naomi

When I got into the chalet, I waited for my eyes to adjust to the comparative darkness after the glare of a Canary Island morning. The door to the double bedroom was open, although I could see that the curtains were closed in there. I swallowed again. Was I really going to do this? My tingling pussy definitely said yes, pulsing and warm. My brain wasn't quite so sure. It was hardly cheating, I know, so why the fuck did it feel like I was?

I slowly walked towards the doorway, pausing in the entrance. What I saw really took my breath away. Ella was lying on top of the bed, naked. But she was doing something that made me actually gasp out loud. One arm was behind her head, her eyes watching me closely. The other was...busy...doing something I had resisted doing to myself for a couple of weeks now. Ella was obviously not so shy about self pleasure. Her long slim fingers were stroking herself very, very slowly. I watched the circular movement of her fingers with something like awe. Jesus, she was beautiful...smooth, long legged and sinuous. Her legs parted just a touch as I continued to watch her from the doorway. Then I could see more...and I swear I actually swayed at that point. My mouth was bone dry and I kept moistening my lips with a tongue that wouldn't stop flicking across them. I may have been more turned on in my life, but at that moment, I couldn't tell you when. She wasn't just offering herself to me...she was entrancing me. Without conscious thought, my legs carried me towards the bed and I knelt shakily down beside it, still watching her fingers move.

"Are you going to just watch Naomi?" she asked in a husky drawl "I normally don't mind putting on a show for the right girl...but like I said...I'd really like to see what's under your swimsuit too?"

I watched her hand come off herself and extend towards me. I scented her excitement on those long elegant fingers and my libido kicked up another notch. She reached for the button on my bikini top, between my breasts and popped it. I gasped again. No one apart from E... _her_ , had ever seen my tits as an adult. This would be the first time I'd ever let anyone else caress me there. But I knew now I was going to.

She cupped my breast with a cool hand and squeezed gently. Again I drew a sharp breath in. My eyes were now travelling up from those parted thighs, past heavy breasts to the soft, full lips which were now inches from mine. She spoke again as her hand continued to gently squeeze and knead.

"Point of no return baby.." she whispered "I really... _really_ want to fuck you Naomi...?"

I swallowed hard and started to lean towards her mouth. I thought nothing on earth could stop what was about to happen. Our lips brushed, then I felt her tongue probing my mouth, slipping inside to touch my own. This time I didn't gasp, I groaned out loud. Several weeks of abstinence were about to be spectacularly exploded.

And then I heard, beside me on the floor, the unmistakeable intro to one of the songs I had loved back at Roundview. The one Emily and I had loved and listened to together. The one that I'd kept as my 'Emily' ring tone ever since.

" _La la la la, la la, la la...ding de ding de dinga dinga ding_ "

Pink...calling out to her lover to ' _Please, please don't leave me_ '

My eyes, and lips left Ella's and I looked down at my phone, which I'd dropped there, flashing on the floor. If I needed any more conformation (which I didn't) a picture of a smiling Emily, hair surrounding her pixie face like a halo, stared back at me. ' _Emily...incoming call'_ my phone unnecessarily reminded me.

I looked back to Ella, who was watching the emotions cross my face. There was a touch of annoyance...no frustration on hers, but after a second, with Pink really getting into her stride...understanding too.

"You said she always had impeccable timing?" she grinned ruefully as I reached down and picked the phone, and my bikini top up.

"I...I have to...should take this..." I stuttered, feeling the atmosphere in the bedroom go back to somewhere near normal. There was still a stunning, naked girl, laying on a bed...but reality had just intruded, and it wasn't going away. The phone was just starting to go into the verse, when I fled out into the courtyard. Ella watched me with regret in her eyes.

"S...Sorry..." I said, turning just before I left the chalet.

She raised an eyebrow and shrugged, her hand moving back to its position between her legs.

"Maybe next time Naomi...meanwhile, I have a little problem to take care of?"

I gulped and almost ran to my chalet, thumbing the green 'answer' button as I did.

"Hi..." Emily said brightly..."Naomi...are you OK?"

My heart was thumping and I was breathing like someone who had just been royally fucked, not someone who had just avoided that very thing, so it took me a second to answer.

"Err...yeah, fine...just been..." I hunted around the area with my eyes, looking for something I could use as an excuse for sounding like I'd just beaten Usain Bolt to the line "...trying to find my passport?"

There was a silence on the other end. I could almost feel the incredulity down the line.

"Why...are you coming back early...because if you are Naoms...I really wa..."

" _No_!" I said sharply and there was a small gasp the other end. "No...I'm not coming back early..I just need it to...get some Euro's?" I said lamely. As _if_. It wasn't 1975, we had cash-points now Naomi, haven't you heard? I scolded myself.

"Oh..." she said "I just wanted to...I really need to talk to...y"

Again I interrupted. I might have been saved from doing something I really shouldn't have, but I still wasn't ready to have a cosy chat with my ex.

"No...I'm pretty busy at the moment Emily...look...can you call back in an hour?"

I had no idea why I said that, but I wasn't exactly thinking straight. The heat between my thighs was simmering and I could still feel Ella's lips on mine.

Emily hung up after eagerly promising to call back in exactly one hour. I had a moments doubt about falsely encouraging her like that. I just didn't know what else to say.

I laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling for a bit afterwards. Then a thought nagged at me. I'd left Ella naked on that bed...playing with herself...

The heat flared again inside me.

Maybe I could get some relief of my own? I dug inside my suitcase and dragged out something I didn't even know why I'd packed. Now I was glad I did. My little 6 inch purple friend would come in very handy for the next few minutes.

Maybe I could even get through masturbation this time without thinking about petite brunettes with rosebud lips?

Turned out I could. I didn't know afterwards if that was a good or bad thing...


	11. Chapter 11

Naomi

The next ten minutes were...rather _nice_. Pictures of Ella, naked and willing, flashed in lurid sequences across my mind as my fingers danced their familiar dance, accompanied by the muted buzz of my faithful little battery powered friend. God and all his angels were summoned and predictably delivered an explosive and satisfying conclusion. For once, I didn't have to push away thoughts of petite brunettes moaning and thrashing underneath me. This fantasy woman was darker, curvier and maybe more exciting even than...her. I didn't actually feel any guilt at all afterwards as I wiped my phallic friend and middle fingers clean, panting as I recovered from what was a rather spectacular self help session.

I looked at the ceiling and let my breathing slowly get back to normal, the whirr of the air-con replacing the more urgent buzz of my ever helpful companion. I sighed as I rolled onto my side. It would have been nice...more than nice...to have let Ella take care of my frustration, but I realised I felt slightly better about myself because I hadn't. Not that I had any reason whatsoever to feel guilty. After all, I was...no _am_...single, right?

It was just that the inopportune phone call from Emily took it out of my hands (or back INTO my own hands, I giggled to myself ruefully). Shagging Ella would have been fun, and I suspect that she would have been even more entertaining than her body promised...anyone who could be quite so bold about seduction was probably a pretty fucking hot prospect in bed. But lying there, temporarily satisfied, I felt it would have been a bit too soon. Only just, but too soon. I wanted to punish Emily for destroying my trust, that still held true, but what would be the point of shagging a random (OK, a very pretty and voluptuous random) over here? No one would ever know, unless I told them. It would have been physically satisfying, but would have done nothing to even the scales. Cynical, I know.

I must have been lying there, basking in post orgasmic contentment, for half an hour, because the next thing I knew, the phone rang again. Once more, Pink warbled her psychotic plea for her battered boyfriend not to leave her...

"Hi" I said shortly

"Oh hi Naoms..." Emily answered brightly "I'm sorry for surprising you earlier on...I know you were busy but..."

"You have _no_ idea Emily.." I said sarcastically and the line went dead for a moment.

"W...what...?" she said uncertainly.

Now at this point, I could have just let it go...moved on...but being prevented from shagging Ella was something I just couldn't let pass without poking a stick through the bars of Emily's guilty cage.

"Actually...I _was_ just about to have rampant sex with a gorgeous coffee skinned girl across the way...but someone interrupted us...Oh yeah, that was _you_ , wasn't it?"

I heard a small gasp, then nothing for a couple of seconds.

"Emily?" I said

"Yeah...I'm here" she said in a whisper. Talking from personal experience, I knew that it would be sinking in about now. Her mind would be whirring with thoughts of me and someone who wasn't her, naked, moaning.

"Y...you're not serious...I...I mean...?" she choked

"Deadly...her names Ella, she's in the chalet opposite and she fancies the hell out of me. If you hadn't rung when you did, I was just about to let her shag me...which is why I was a little out of breath Ems...Oh, I'm sorry...fucking _hurts_ , doesn't it?"

"Oh _God_..." she said weakly and then I heard sobbing for a long minute. I held the phone away from my ear, coward that I am. Hurting Emily was one thing, listening to her grieve was a step too far. Now I felt some proper guilt.

I waited until she'd recovered a bit and the sobs had reduced to soft crying before I spoke again.

"Listen Emily...that was cruel, and I shouldn't have done it...but we _have_ broken up, haven't we? You had your seedy little affair with this married woman and shattered my trust...I'm just a single woman now, on holiday in a warm place. I'm attractive, available and free...occasionally women are going to want me..."

Again I got a soundtrack of someone who's heart was breaking, but I gritted my teeth and carried on.

"...so you'll excuse me if I don't feel _too_ sorry for you. YOU did this to us. I would never have even _looked_ at anyone else if you hadn't cheated. You were always enough for me...more than enough. But you decided to sample the goods from another pretty shop window. Well, two can play at that game. You said you'd do anything?...Well, this is part of that...but, if you just want to give up and walk away now, that's fine. Maybe it will never be the same again anyway"

Now my own eyes were full of tears. I wanted her out of my life, and yet I wanted nothing of the sort. I wanted it all to go away, and then I wanted nothing more than to have her here, in my arms, where I could cuddle her and wipe her tears away. I was a mess, and so was she.

It was another few seconds before she could manage a sentence without choking, but eventually she did.

"I...I...look Naomi...I hate the idea of you with anyone else...but I know I have no right to argue or be jealous. Yes...you're free...you're free to do whatever you like. Sleep with whoever you want. I broke our relationship and you have every right to hate me for it"

"I don't _hate_ you Emily" I said, trying to stop my voice wobbling "If I did, it would be so much fucking easier. I _love_ you...and that makes it twice as hard to deal with. I can't just switch off my feelings for you. But I can't just forgive you either. I have no idea if I can _ever_ forgive you, if I'm honest. Do you know what the worst bit is for me, Emily...?"

"What...?" she said in a broken, wheezy whisper

"Even if I could get past the fact that you lied to me over and over again...betrayed me every fucking Wednesday night, then came creeping back into our bed...worse than even that? It's that you would still be doing it _now_ if I hadn't found out about it. It would be so much easier to bear if you could just tell me now that you wouldn't have _still_ been sleeping with her if Katie hadn't told me...well...can you say that?"

Her tearful silence was all I needed to know.

I hung up then. I had said a lot of hard, hurtful things and nothing good would come from carrying on.

I cried a bit myself then and then had a cool shower. Suddenly the comfortable after sex glow I had briefly enjoyed was spoiled. I turned my phone off and dressed in a simple pair of white cotton shorts and a Uriah Heep tee shirt over another bikini top (The tee Effy had bought me for a joke years ago). Hard rock for hard times, I thought grimly as I pushed open the sliding glass door to my chalet and padded on bare feet past the pool to Ella's place. At least I could make amends for one piece of fuckery this fine morning, I thought grimly.

Trouble is, Ella wasn't there. Presumably she had enjoyed her own session of self help while I was thrashing about on my double bed. The glass door to her chalet was shut and locked. A small square of white notepad stuck to the inside of the glass at eye level.

" _Naomi...gone into Playa to have some fun?...can you ask your mum to give Richie dinner (I'll owe her one!) I might be (very) late ! Ella x_ "

 _Fuck_ , I thought as I turned back to the deserted compound. Nice one Naomi...

XXX

Emily

It took me an hour to compose myself after Naomi cut me off. Fuck, I thought over and over, it's worse than I thought. In my safe little daydreams, Naomi did what she normally did when something had upset her. Buried herself inside a novel about 6 inches thick and pretended the world was an illusion. Seems not. This time I had really fucked things up properly. I knew her well enough to know that it wouldn't be made up, this _Ella_ thing. My mind immediately began to conjure up images of smiling dusky beauties. Probably taller than me...more curvy (Naomi always had a thing about tits, even though I was hardly well endowed in that department) and willing to do anything and everything to please my love.

Except she wasn't my love,was she? Cheating on Naomi had made that a fact. I know a holiday fling wouldn't be the thing that would end this for good, but it was hardly gonna help, was it?

I tried desperately to think of something else, busying myself unwrapping the furniture that had been delivered between our phone calls, but the mental torture went on. Naomi naked...making those little helpless sounds in the back of her throat she did when I was making her explode. Those breathless sighs and pleas for me to "do that...yeah _that_ Ems...right there..."

The things it had taken me years of diligent exploration to work out about her needs. The fact that watching me touch myself would make her almost incoherent with want. The fact that she let me tie her down now and then. The helplessness that produced intensified her orgasms so much that she would be groggy for several minutes afterwards. The times I would push her against the kitchen counter and rip off her knickers roughly, ignoring her mock protests and kneeling in front of her as the pasta boiled on the stove, looking up at her challengingly as my tongue worked between her naked thighs. Her rising moans as I cupped her tight arse and lapped at her rapidly. All the things that I had learned and practised with her. All fucking wasted.

Because with a few weeks of so so sex with a willing married woman, I had blown all that out of existence. Wasted. Someone else was doing those things to her now. Strange hands were touching her, caressing her, penetrating her. I keened in absolute agony at the thought.

No wonder she had suffered over my unfaithfulness. If she had felt like this, I now knew why she wanted to punish me. Not like I punished her, ignoring her, belittling her, flaunting randoms and pseudo girlfriends in front of me. No...Naomi, in her single minded, determined way, was breaking away from me. The fact that she even considered sleeping with someone else made me feel nauseous. I had fucking done it. And not just once...not even twice...maybe ten times. An affair. Because thats what it was. Serial betrayal.

The sex wasn't even the worst of it. I knew my girlfriend well enough to know that she would be torturing herself over the other stuff that went with cheating with someone more than once.

The anticipation about meeting someone secretly. The subtle glances, touches and promises of lust filled nights. I'd done all that. The texts that I'd hidden, then deleted.

" _Can't wait for Wednesday"_

" _I'm going to fuck you till you scream tonight Ems"_

" _Can you teach me that thing you do with your tongue?"_

Serial betrayal. Serial deceit. I felt as wretched as I ever have right then.

XXX

Katie

I knew it was fucking coming. Although I had told Emily to hang on the big lezzers coat tails, never letting her think she'd forgotten her. I knew that Naomi would verbally blast her sometime. The bitter silence was always gonna end. When the phone rang this morning, and Emily sobbed for long seconds on the other end (thank God I wasn't 'entertaining' anyone this time) I gritted my teeth and waited for the misery to unfold...


	12. Chapter 12

Katie

I let Emily burble on for a bit before I interrupted. According to her semi coherent ramblings, she'd phoned the blonde just as Naomi was about to do the dirty deed with some skank she'd met in Playa del Lesbianos, or whatever cheap resort she'd posted herself to. I had to look it up on Google in the end. _Maspalomas_? Judging by the nasty videos posted on line it was more a place for middle aged fat Germans with no shorts on to line up in the sand dunes so even sadder young gay guys could blow them, than some sort of sapphic heaven. Charming.

Not that I object to playing a crafty tune on the pork flute...no sir. It's a gift, didn't you know? Once in the capable hands (and other things) of Katie Fitch, most healthy males go all googly eyed and compliant. Like Maspalomas, but without the sandy knees and sunburn. I can sit there working away, whilst calculating almost the exact amount this is going to cost them in the end. Bond Street should be offering me a discount for all the dazed men who wander into designer stores with a vulnerable Amex card, trying to reward me for my...efforts.

But that's by the way. My skills are needed in another direction now. Not that I'm exactly au fait with the best way to mend a broken lesbian romance. My sapphic experiences are strictly limited to once (stupidly) allowing a drunken and fucking amoral Effy Stonem to get me off against a club toilet door, after a particularly intense dose of Cook's Uncle Keith's magic powder. Bitch said she wanted to try everything once, so I let her on a strictly 'no returns' basis. Regretted it ever since, of course. She's never actually revealed my little indiscretion to anyone since then, but I get the odd salacious wink, if I see her (which isn't often, given that she's shagging some senior partner in a trading firm in Canary Wharf) and once, when I was giving Naomi a hard time over her inability to understand that my soppy sister was jealous about some tart Campbell was friendly with at Uni, Effy whispered in my ear that I _must_ understand them, given my very vocal appreciation of her considerable linguistic talents. I think I might have actually blushed then, an event which is rarer than fucking El Nino.

But anyway, back to Emily and her lezzer squeeze issues. I had to interrupt, otherwise it would have just been as wet a conversation as my sisters tissues.

"OK Em...lets cut to the chase" I said, not unkindly "Basically, you phoned her..she was 'busy' with some random, and made a point of letting you in on all the sordid details...right so far?"

I just got a resentful silence for that, but I pressed on.

"What were you expecting...a presidential pardon? Jesus, it's only been a couple of weeks since you ripped her heart out? She was always gonna punish you a bit, yeah?"

"B...but...sleeping with someone else...I...I.." Emily wailed.

"As opposed to shagging a married woman every Wednesday night and then coming home to cuddle up to your actual girlfriend... _that_ sort of sleeping around?" I said, deliberately unhelpfully.

" _Katie_!" Emily wailed even louder and I winced. OK, maybe that wasn't the best approach. I tried again.

"But you say she didn't go through with it in the end...that's gotta be a good thing, yeah?" I said.

"Yes, but only because my phone call interrupted them" Emily whimpered pathetically.

"Well _duh?_...let me ask you something Ems...and please _don't_ ask me to elaborate on this...it's hard enough to relive _all our lesbian yesterdays_ with you as it is...How many times were you 'interrupted' when you two were horny teenagers...did it ever stop you finishing what you started?...I seem to remember James catching you two in the fucking downstairs airing cupboard when mum and dad were out. Whatever you two were up to...it only took a clip round James's ear... and you were back at it before the fucking door closed? Jesus Emily, I had to try to NOT explain to the horny little bastard what Naomi was NOT trying to do with her head up your skirt? That and bribe him with £10 not to blab to the 'rents about the free porno show you put on...?"

I paused for breath and noted with relief that the wailing had reduced to quiet little sounds of sisterly distress.

"So...she might have thought about letting whoever this girl is to give her the good news...but the call stopped her...and from what you say, she took your next call on her own? As opposed to doing it with a bobbing head between her legs?"

The wail almost started up again, so I rushed on.

"OK...OK...enough. I get it. Look, it's obvious she hasn't finished twisting the knife yet, but from what you've said, she still can't bring herself to get her own back like _that_. My guess is she's just testing you...seeing if you just give up and walk away. Remember this is all still fucking raw Ems...it's gonna take more than a week in the sun, reading Kafka or some such unreadable shit, for her to get over this. My advice...? Take a deep breath, carry on getting your shit together down there in carrot cruncher land...then when she steps off the plane.. be there. _Right_ there, at the airport. Gina is on your side, yeah? It can't hurt. Maybe she'll rush through arrivals to meet you, like in the fucking movies...just not in slo mo?"

"B...but what if she _doesn't_ Katie? What if she just ignores me...or comes back with another girl or something?"

I sighed.

" _Em_...you can't, like...collect a handy export sized dyke in duty free, next to the cigars?...Even if she does meet someone else over there, they'll probably be from Newcastle or somewhere else hideous like that? The chances of her stowing another willing fanny in the overhead lockers are pretty slim...which reminds me...Gareth is taking me out to dinner tonight at the Ivy...some sort of get together for his chinless friends...wants some 'quality totty' or something equally sexist to go with him. I get a £150 dinner and he gets a hand job under his coat in the cab home. If he wants to get this fabulous body naked he'll have to rush for a weekend in fucking Paris at the least. So time is of the fucking essence, yeah?

Emily muttered something about there being a fine line between benefiting from my 'talents' and actually getting paid for it full time, but I ignored her, as usual. Bitch.

I finally hung up after exhausting my slim supply of sibling sympathy and started the epic task of getting myself ready for tonight. 5 hours?...that should be _just_ time enough...

XXX

Emily

I thought my misery was as bad as it could get, but apparently I'm wrong. Images of Naomi flirting...touching and even worse, _shagging_ this Ella person just wouldn't go away. My guilt at what I had been doing up till recently made the pain even more acute. I was hardly in a position to point the finger was I?

The worst bit was that she was absolutely right. If Katie hadn't blabbed...if Naomi had still been ignorant about my treachery, I would probably have been at work today, planning another evening in that seedy hotel with Izzie. Shockingly, my stupid brain only now realised I had been drifting into a situation where I would have two full time lovers. One I had adored all my adult life and one who I just couldn't break away from. Whether it was the forbidden nature of our meetings, the fact that she fancied the pants off me (literally) or just that for the first time in my life I knew I could 'pull' someone as attractive as her, didn't really matter.

I had been cheating, and I _would_ have gone on cheating if I hadn't been found out. My self loathing deepened. I suppose eventually, something would have broken. Deceit doesn't come as easily to me as my sister, although that's pretty unfair. Katie is very upfront about her relationships. At least she dumps one lover before unzipping the next. I, however was trying to have it all ways.

Well, like she said, it would be a long, hard, bumpy road back, with no idea if the destination was one I wanted to go to. What if Naomi's trust was broken irreparably? What if, whatever I tried, she just refused to see me again? She said she loved me...that was something to cling onto. But loving someone isn't always enough is it? I remember Effy saying something about that to me after poor Freddie was buried. She wasn't being cruel, just truthful. She said Freddie was always more in love with _idea_ of her, than actually being _in_ love with her. At the time I thought she was just touching up that 'couldn't give a fuck' veneer she has around her mostly. But Freddie had seen her at her most vulnerable and there was probably a bit of resentment there at him seeing past the smoke and mirrors. But Effy is like Katie in many ways, truthful to the point of physical pain.

What if I never recaptured the 'real' love Naomi had for me? She was hurting so much now, but things change, even for us...

I left it 24 tortuous hours before calling Naomi again. I sat on my new shiny furniture, opened a litre bottle of Tanqueray and propped up several bottles of Indian tonic water on the couch beside me. A photo of me and Naoms in happier times on the coffee table in front of me and a family sized box of tissues. Some unhappy wallowing was called for.

By the morning, I had a hangover you could hang a sign on and several empty bottles beside me. I had nothing to do this fine morning but to suffer. So I did.

Three days later, my taste for expensive gin sated and many unanswered calls and texts to Naomi later, I finally roused myself, showered in scalding water for as long as I could stand it, dressed quickly in plain leggings, a dark sweat shirt and my short leather jacket and left my new apartment for Temple Meads...then to Victoria station and the Gatwick Express. Gina had been kind enough to give me their flight number and arrival time. It was time to do the hard bit all over again. Rejection was almost certain, but I'd said I'd do anything...right?

XXX

Naomi

I heard Ella come back into the compound at about 2 am the next morning. She wasn't exactly being subtle. I heard giggling, the rattle of keys and two people stumbling through the trees at the front of the compound. Female people. I sighed sadly. My mother had got back around five pm, to find me sullenly not reading a paperback by the pool. I'd been on my own all day, which wasn't usually a problem for me, but today it was, for obvious reasons. I'd blown Ella out for a painful phone call from my ex and now I had to sit and ponder for hours over the shitstorm called my life. No satisfying shag to feel guilty about and yet I still did. No Emily to make things better as she always had in the past. I'd coveted solitude when I was younger, but the prettier Fitch twin had ruined that...well, not ruined...more demolished my defences. Nowadays I preferred company. Well, that was fucked wasn't it?

Anyway, after clucking around Richie, making him chicken nuggets or some some such disgusting recycled meat dish, my mother finally put him to bed on the couch, slipping a sheet over his exhausted, water wrinkled body and smiled at his worn out little face.

"He had a lot of fun Naomi" she said proudly as she watched him sleeping. "I though you and Ella would be out on the town by now or maybe even...?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Don't go there mother" I warned "Broken heart...remember...?"

She shook her head at my lame attempt at deflection.

"I saw the way that girl looked at you...Don't sit there and tell me you haven't noticed she fancies you...she is rather...curvy... isn't she?"

I gritted my teeth. Talk about salt in the wound.

"Like I said...just _don't_...Ella is out in Playa...probably screwing some Swedish tart by now...my own personal little cock blocker Emily put paid to any chance of me getting friendly with Ella...it's been a shit day mum...I just want to go to bed and forget it"

She let that one slide without demanding details of how Emily had managed to stop my fun from 2000 miles away, for which I was truly grateful.

Which didn't help _at all_ when at 2am I heard the girl herself coming back from Playa. Obviously with company. Great, I thought...now I have to grin politely in the morning when some fit Scandinavian saunters out of Ella's chalet with a 'just fucked' look on her face. Could it get any better.

Well, that was pretty much accurate, although I steadfastly refuse to get out of bed until my mother told me the coast was clear. Apparently the other party to the muffled groans and cries of ecstasy filtering out of the open windows opposite belonged to a slim brunette, not a blonde, but otherwise, my guess had been bang on. Ella had scored spectacularly and apparently a rematch was on the cards today.

Fuck...

So the last couple of days of my Spanish lie down was spent exactly as I'd planned it in the beginning. Reading books I wasn't interested in, alcohol and brooding. Not necessarily in that order. My mum continued to try to cheer me up, but I ended up finding an isolated spot on the beach about a mile out of the resort to sulk in. Sitting by the pool was out, even if I could deal with watching this 'Ruby' tart coming and going from Ella's chalet, fresh scratch marks evident on her dark skin. The apologetic looks I got from Ella were not appreciated. That ship had sailed.

So, on the last day, I packed early and insisted that mum did too. She was in tears at having to abandon her 'little chick' and so was Richie. I suspect his own mummy wasn't quite so attentive as mine. Anyway. I air kissed Ella (they were staying another week) and tried to be adult about losing out to the girl who had replaced me in her bed. Another lost opportunity...so what was new?

The flight back was at least not as bad as the outbound one. No sweaty overweight housewife to disturb my misery. I unread yet another book while my mum chattered to the man beside her and soon enough, the seat belt lights were on and we were descending into Gatwick. The train journey to Bristol would be at least as long as the flight, but I was quite looking forward to it. Home...

Collecting our bags from baggage reclaim took the normal inordinate time, but eventually we were pushing the trolley through arrivals and towards the trains. I saw my mum looking around anxiously, but thought she was just panicking about missing our train to Victoria.

Wrong.

I saw her before my mum did and stopped dead in my tracks.

Emily.

Several simultaneous emotions went through me at once.

 _Fuck, she's soooo beautiful_

 _Fuck, she looks exhausted and scared._

 _Fuck, what the hell am I going to say to her?_

 _And...fuck...how **dare** she do this to me?_

My mum saw where I was looking and waved dorkily in my ex's direction. I saw Emily stare back at us and couldn't for the life of me move. She lifted her hand in a sort of half wave, then thought better of it and just smiled weakly. I realised she was as unsure of what to do as I was.

We walked slowly towards her, me with feet suddenly weighed down with 20 kilos of lead.

XXX

"Hi" Emily said quietly and then looked at her shoes for a bit.

I felt my mum nudge my arm and answered

"Hi Emily...I'd say what are you doing here...but its obvious you two had a little chat before we got on the plane huh?... _Thanks_ mum"

Emily reddened but otherwise stayed silent. My mum just grinned. Incorrigible.

"Look" my mum said after an uncomfortable silence "The train will be in the station already. Lets get on and see if we can get a decent cup of tea, yeah? I dunno about you Naomi, but I'm dying for a British cuppa?"

My mum's infallible cheerfulness can be amusing sometimes. This wasn't one of them.

I glared at them in turn, but then surrendered. I could hardly get out of this right now, so I followed my mother to the platform, a silent Emily keeping step with me.

We got on board and found our reserved seats. Quite by chance, I'm sure, Emily had the seat opposite mine. We sat staring at each other as my mum went in search of some railway tea. The train left seconds after we got on , and sadly there weren't that many people on board, so I couldn't even use the excuse of eavesdroppers to stay silent. I huffed a bit and Emily looked up from her hands and stared back.

"OK...so what's the big plan then Emily?" I said harshly, then winced as her face dropped.

"I...I just wanted to see you...be here when you got back..." she said huskily, only just loud enough for me to hear her over the hum of the electric motor.

"Well...don't think I don't appreciate the kind gesture...but what exactly did you have to say that hasn't already been said?" I said coldly.

I know I was being ultra bitchy, but it _had_ been a long day already and finding my oh so recent ex waiting for me at the airport wasn't the way I'd expected to arrive.

"I said I'd do anything Naomi...anything at all. If that means being there for you to shout at, ignore, insult or slap...that's fine. I deserve it and more. I just can't be without you...can't let you out of my life without trying to make it right?" she said

I looked away and puffed a bit more.

"For fucks sake Emily...what did you _think_ was going to happen? I was going to have a nice rest in the sun, come back and just forget that you shagged someone who wasn't _me_ week after week? What fucking planet are you on?"

She started crying silently then, which made me feel even more shitty. I knew she was sitting there, taking all this because she said she would, but it was all too easy...a sitting target and it didn't make me feel good at all.

I made the tactical error of putting my hand over hers on the table. She jumped as if I _had_ slapped her. I saw the flinch and it hurt. Since when had touching her made her afraid and me this uncomfortable?

' _Since she started playing hide the finger with another woman_ ' my nasty inner voice prompted.

It should have made me stop right there, but I squeezed her cold hand in what I hoped was a neutral way. Funny how neutral made my heart thump.

"Look...I know what you said...believe me, I understand what it is to shatter someone's heart and spend what seems like a lifetime trying to put it right...but you being here, now, isn't helping. I need time Emily...time to grieve, time to forgive...if that's even possible. Can you give me that...please?"

She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief and nodded, her eyes glistening with fresh tears. Wasn't _I_ supposed to be the upset one here, I thought bitterly? Instead of that, I just felt empty, defeated.

"B..but if I leave you alone...you'll freeze me out...forget me altogether..and I couldn't...couldn't bear that Naoms" she whispered.

I just stopped myself biting back at that comment. ' _You could bear it fine when you_ _were between Izzie's thighs'_ was itching to be spat out, but I swallowed the sentence. Instead I nodded, showing her I hoped, that I understood that much at least.

"OK..." I said slowly "This is how it's got to be. You can phone me...every day if you want...but from now on, no surprise visits, yeah?"

Emily nodded uncertainly.

"There is no way things can get back to what they were Em, not soon anyway...maybe never. But I don't hate you...you should know that. It's going to take time for me to be able to be in the same room as you without wanting to slap you...right?"

Again the nod.

"So we leave it at that. No promises...no guarantees. Just keep in touch but leave me to work this out OK?"

The rest of the journey, despite my mothers clumsy attempts, was mostly spent looking out of the window. When we changed trains at Victoria, Emily had a brief whispered conversation with her, and then when I looked round she was gone.

I spent a couple of seconds looking round for her, worried she would miss her connection, but my mother put me right when she noticed me looking.

"She's gone..." she said, accusation evident in her voice.

Somehow, I thought I was supposed to feel relief at that, but instead I just felt emptier.

"Where...?" I said stupidly.

"Gone off to see Katie...her ticket is open ended, so she'll get a later train, maybe tomorrow. Maybe the cheerful company is too much for her...?"

I shook my head.

"Do I have to remind you that _I_ am your daughter, mother?" I said angrily "You seem to be more concerned about the person who broke my fucking heart than me?"

Mum looked at me almost sadly.

"Oh Naomi...what am I going to do with you?...This isn't about taking sides. I hate what Emily did to you, but isn't this whole 'super-bitch' thing getting a bit old? I get that you want to punish her...but look me in the eye and say you never, _ever_ want to see her again...go on?"

I tried...but my mother has second sight, didn't you know? That ditsy exterior is about as authentic as Pandora's act about being useless. Both of them wear a veneer of helplessness to the world, but both of them have more going on under the skin than all of us. She would see through any of my angry protestations, so I didn't bother.

"Never said I didn't _ever_ want to see her again..." I muttered unconvincingly.

"Right..." my mother said wryly..."So that's _that_ sorted out. Shall we get the train?"

XXX

Emily

Do you remember doing contemporary history at school...Second World War and all that? Well, we did. I recall the teacher describing a period at the beginning of the conflict, when war had been declared on September 3rd 1939...for a while afterwards, nothing happened. Nothing at all. They called it the Phoney War. Course, everything erupted after eight months of inactivity. But up until then, if you were living in Britain, you would hardly know anything had changed.

Well, it's been 3 weeks since Naomi came back from the Canaries, and we seem to have something called the Phoney Peace going on. After a couple of days staying with Katie, practising a bit more self hatred, I went back to Bristol and had my interviews, bought some more chain store tat for the flat and tried to get on with things. Considering how I left it at Fisher Gordon, I got a blinding reference and a decent pay off. Certainly enough to manage on until my first salary credit went into the bank.

I didn't want to work at the level I had done, even though the money would have been nice. So I accepted an offer from a firm in the Bristol city centre as an Accounts semi senior. I took a £20k hit on my previous earnings, but it was shorter hours, less pressure and most importantly, was in an office with 6 guys. No distracting senior accountant married women. Once bitten and all that...

So practically, during the weekdays, things were OK. Nights and weekends were the problem of course. Lonely, bleak and isolated. Whatever I did, there were still reminders of her everywhere, from the photo's of her I'd saved, to the clothes she'd bought me when we were together.

But worse...this phoney peace. She's been as good as her word. I phone her every evening about 7. She's got this part time job working in a health food store and she gets in just after 6. We talk...well mostly I talk...about anything _but_ the huge pachyderm in the room . I tell her about my job...my non existent social life and when I've finally told her everything I can recall about my boring life...I spend the last few minutes telling her how much I love her, how much I miss her and will she please, _please_ give me another chance.

She doesn't shout any more (which has a worry factor all of its own) or make any more cutting references to what I did. We just talk like long lost cousins who knew each other once and are just going through the motions. And she never budges. More time...the same answer every call...more fucking _time_.

And to be honest...its fucking killing me. By inches. Because I physically feel her slipping away from me. Inexorably. I think I might go mad if something doesn't happen.

Which brings me to tonight. Because all that wishing for something to happen just got real. I'm getting dressed in my very best cocktail dress. Making myself up as if I'm meeting the Queen...which in a way I am. My queen. I've been invited to a party. Not just any old party. A party hosted by one Pandora Moon (soon to be Tommone I hear) A party that has a guest list including one Elizabeth Stonem, a Katherine Fitch, a Michelle Richardson, an Anthony Stonem and...one Naomi Campbell.

There will be others there tonight, I know. But the thought of seeing Naomi dressed to impress is making me brick it. Because tonight, there will be music..alcohol and mood...oh yeah...lots and LOTS of mood.

God help me.


	13. Chapter 13

Emily

Nervous...me? Too fucking right. Walking up the drive to the house Pandora used to live in back in 6th form was a trip too far down memory lane. Why did her mother have to be in Florida? Why did my dizzy old school friend decide a party in her old house was a good idea?

Just standing here in the drive, seeing the flower bed Panda had slung Naomi's Pinot and my Vodka into was painful enough. OK, the door was a different colour, but looking up at that bedroom window, remembering seeing Naomi put on that ridiculously cute pink pyjama set, brought tears to my eyes. Happy times. The gentle, tentative kiss in the bedroom while Naomi hung on to the booze as hard as she was clinging on to the closet door in those days. Her obvious surrender to her feelings even as she'd smirked and called me gay. The bouncy castle, more kisses. Hotter, hungrier this time, her hands sliding all over my back and her knee pressing against me...there.

Even though we were back to square one the day afterwards, I knew then it was just a matter of time. The ecstasy at the lake, with its bitter aftermath...the humiliation at the student elections...all that was just delaying tactics. Then the Love Ball with its dramatic twin fight and declaration of love...her hand held out to me...All that started here.

Katie squeezed my hand as someone opened a window in the lounge and Tinie Tempah boomed out his rhythmic (c)rap. I sighed and looked across at my sister. No Bon Jovi then...?

Katie grinned back.

"Freaky huh?" she smirked "The last time I stood here, was with fucking Stonem listening to Pandora burbling on about licking out bowls...but then you didn't need any practice at _that_ did you Ems?"

I winced at her bluntness. Katie Fitch...never change.

"OK...enough of the lesbian metaphors...the last thing I need is for you to start on the beaver buffing and flange fluffing, _bitch_ " I said gruffly.

Katie giggled and for a second, I felt better. Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad. The one thing that HAD survived the years was my sisters ability to source the best drugs in town. I hadn't really done much of that over the past 3 years. Once Naomi and I graduated, there didn't seem to be the need to get high at weekends. I was high on her and she on me. Sex was our drug of choice (until you fucked it all up by fucking someone else, I thought bitterly). But tonight, I needed a chemical boost if I ever did. Booze just wasn't gonna cut it. OK, we had the obligatory litre bottles on us, my Tanqueray and Katie's Tequila Gold, but the night required a definite artificial mood lifter. And my sister never disappointed. I had no idea which of the flies which dotted Katies extensive web had been the supplier, but she certainly knew how to source the best of the best. Part MDMA, part cocaine, part speed she told me as she stored the ample baggie in her bra as we dressed tonight. The fact that there was any room in that excuse for a push up bra was the miracle, Katie always being blessed more than yours truly in that department.

We'd avoided the Love Ball fashion disaster called twin dresses this time out and gone for completely different outfits. Mine was a simple red silk cocktail dress, short in length and just low enough on the top to make the most of my smaller 'assets'. Red shoes and a simple platinum chain round my neck (a gift from someone not a million miles away from us) completed the outfit. I'd allowed Katie to do my hair and make up. It wasn't something I normally felt I needed, but if there was anyone on earth who could work wonders with my sad face, it was her. I must admit, I looked good, with my hair up for a change and my eyes lined with smoky grey. On any other night, I could have anticipated a gasp and instant lust from you know who, if I walked down the stairs looking like this. But not tonight.

Katie had gone for sultry black. _Tight_ black, with a slash down the hip and enough cleavage for a mountaineer to reach for their crampons. She looked luscious...and stop thinking inappropriate things about my sisterly appreciation of her beauty. Not gonna happen, right?

We stood just inside the porch and Katie held my hand as I went for the knocker. She pulled a small bottle out from inside her bag and unscrewed the top.

"Took the precaution of mixing some powder with fruit juice...takes the bitterness out of it. Not as quick acting as snorting it, but it'll get you through the first hour. Then we can go to the bathroom and take a real toot, right?"

I nodded. All the help I could get...

I swallowed half of the bottle in one gulp and Katie followed suit. I grimaced at the residual bite of the powder but kept it down. Then I tapped on the door.

XXX

Naomi

Standing here with a glass of fuck knows what in my hand, I wish to hell I could stop looking at the front door. I was in the lounge, as far away from the window as I could get, but my treacherous eyes kept flicking to the entrance. I'd been there an hour already and my stomach was clenching at the thought of ….her...arriving. Or was it because I thought she might _not_ arrive?...I couldn't decide.

Meeting Panda and Thommo again was nice. This was one couple who had got their infidelities out of the way early in their relationship, I thought miserably. Panda fucked Cook for a while...then we got Gobblers End. The next term Thommo buried his anger inside a sinuous black girl...Andrea, wasn't it? We all thought that was the end of it. But just as I was declaring undying love for E... _her_ , they were finding out that they were headed for the same Uni in America. Three years later, they were back here and still loved up.

Effy glided over and with her normal ethereal calm, steadied my own nerves with half a spliff and a triple strength vodka. She'd brought some guy from London with her, but he looked like all of Effy's other 'companions', right back to Roundview days. A pretty human dildo...good looking...dark haired and fit. But interchangeable, refundable, expendable. No one since Freddie had penetrated her mind, even if her body was fair game. I made a bet to myself tonight that he wouldn't last the course. I had no idea then how accurate that thought was.

Her brother Tony was there, with Michelle Richardson. Another relationship which survived against the odds. Even longer than Panda and Thomas's actually. After Tony's near fatal accident, Effy confessed she thought they might never hook up again, but here they were, together and obviously still in love.

I thought bitterly about Cook's sly comment " _Ahhh love is all around_ " back in the corridors of Roundview. Well it was, just not for me.

There were any number of randoms to be seen in various stages of drunkenness. I vaguely recognised a girl from the year below us at college...Mini...Mimi? Something like that. Pretty in a fragile way, too much makeup, too much hair. Then the girl she was talking to animatedly. Shorter, boyish hair, dressed in jeans and a tight white tee shirt that more than showed off her considerable assets. Big tits...my weakness, I thought briefly. I heard this Mimi girl call her Frankie...but before I could perve any more at the shorter girls bouncing boobs, people started arriving again. Lots of people. I sighed to myself. Fuck knows why I was here. My mother and Pandora had to virtually frog march me to the house. I even allowed mother to buy me a dress for the occasion. Silver and black...shorter than I usually wear, with a scooped neck that gave way too much air to my unremarkable boobs. I supposed I looked OK, but it wasn't actually a priority for me. I'd agreed to come, under protest. Knowing 'you know who' would be here. I would suffer a couple of hours, get pissed, then when everyone else was occupied shouting crap at each other with red, pissed faces, I'd slip off into the night and resume my monastic existence.

Fat chance as it turned out.

The door knocker went again as someone changed the music to Tinie Tempah's...fucking moronic shite...and someone came in. In fact two someone's...very pretty someone's.

I heard a cheer from behind me as some idiot saw the arrival of beautiful twins as the beginning of a personal porno dream, but Effy shut him up with a glance.

My eyes were fixed on one of them. Three guesses who. Katie was as fit as fuck, no question. But then she always was. But...

But beside her, eyes doing that shy look and look away thing she perfected in 6th form. Emily Jane Fitch.

Jesus...tonight is gonna be hard...was my last conscious thought as I stared.

Effy whispered in my ear as she passed me, going towards them.

"You might want to close your mouth Naomi...flies and little Fitches...?"

My mouth closed with a snap.

XXX

Emily

My first thought when I saw her standing there was " _I wanna fuck that girl"_

My second was " _You don't have the right any more_ "

Way to start a party?

She looked...breathtaking. Her hair done in those soft waves around her face I used to love... A simple but classy short silver dress which made her legs look even longer than normal. My default mental position of drooling over a dressed to kill Naomi was about a nanosecond away when Katie tugged on my arm and whispered harshly into my ear.

" _Try_ not to look like you want to rip her clothes off on the spot ...at least until we've had a drink Ems...I don't want to be dragging your sorry arse out of here in tears when she blanks you yet again...?"

Well, that was a dose of cold water, so I dropped my eyes and studied my shoes for a bit.

So...awkwardness now fully in place, I allowed Effy to hug me gently. I knew she would be aware of what I'd done, but she never was one for judgements. She might disapprove, but you'd never know it.

Introductions were brief, given that most of us knew each other (some more than others) and Naomi and I exchanged a tight smile. I'd caught her stunned look when I came in, so I allowed myself a small inner cheer that she still fancied me. That much was obvious, but given what had happened recently, it wasn't much comfort.

So the night went on, in some sort of strange half existence. The powder Katie had given me in the fruit juice boosted my mood for a while, but it wasn't long before I needed a top up. Naomi was in what looked like a long, involved conversation with some skinny hopeful guy, but I saw the odd glance come my way, so I knew it was window dressing. We all drank steadily and determinedly. Me to block out reality, Katie because she was already being cornered by at least two interested suitors, neither of whom I recognised. Effy came over when I had just managed to get a couple of wraps of the magic powder from my sister. She always did have an uncanny knack of knowing when strong drugs were in the room.

"Share?" she said knowingly and lifted one elegant eyebrow. I sighed in mock annoyance, but to be honest, I was fighting off unwanted attention myself from some ginger haired kid who looked like he belonged on a farm. I made some feeble apology and followed Effy to the bathroom upstairs.

"Good stuff?" she asked as I lined up two generous hits on the tiled worktop next to the sink.

"Good enough to deaden my brain" I said wryly and rolled a tenner, ready to take the snort. Effy watched me inhale and smiled as I gasped at the almost immediate surge. That would be the coke then, I thought.

"Life a bit shit then?" she said flatly before leaning over and tooting herself. She leaned against me as the rush hit her and a beautific smile spread across her face at the fierceness of the rush.

"Good old Katie...always makes a party at _this_ house go with a swing" she grinned.

Both of us, no doubt, were remembering another party here, with MDMA brownies. Things had certainly changed a bit since then. Despite the euphoric charge going through my body, my mood dipped at the memory.

"Yeah...you could say that Eff" I grimaced. "Ever wish you were back there...where life was simple?"

She shook her head.

"Life was never simple Ems...you were just so besotted with La Campbell...the rest of the world didn't exist for you"

"True..." I said quietly gritting my teeth and swallowing nothing as the amphetamine kicked in too "But it _seemed_ simpler...all I had to do was convince her to let go...admit what we all knew...and things sorted themselves out. But now..."

"Now you've broken her heart and you think it might never heal?" Effy said

"Yeah" I whispered "I think I've really fucked it this time"

She took out a cigarette and lit it before answering me.

"Not necessarily Ems...but maybe your tactics need adjusting? First off, though... _have_ you got the affair out of your system completely? No point in trying to fix things if you still have feelings for this...Izzie, was it?"

I shook my head firmly "No...thats over. I mean properly over. Naomi might be right that if she hadn't found out, it might still have limped along for a while, but the excitement would soon have faded. Izzie was pretty, willing and available...but she wasn't Naomi"

"Probably better not to use that line in your defence" Effy smirked "Anyway...I think you need a distraction..."

I looked at her, puzzled...a distraction. Not another woman...that was crazy?

"Not an actual...physical... distraction" Effy said quietly "But it always helps to have some other...interested party?"

Just then, there was a knock at the bathroom door. Effy didn't seem surprised and quickly opened it. A figure slipped inside. Suddenly the decent sized bathroom was crowded.

"Emily...Frankie...Frankie...Emily?" Effy grinned, watching us regard each other. "Emily is a good friend of mine and I think you two might get on?"

I stared at Effy as if she had two heads.

"You're having a fucking _laugh_...yeah? I'm sure Frankie..." I nodded to the other girl "...is a _very_ nice person...but I hardly think my ex will be impressed with me getting off with a stranger five minutes after I get here? She already thinks I'm the whore of fucking Babylon"

Frankie shared another smirk with Effy. I stood there with my arms folded as they both looked to me.

"I'm no substitute shag for your ex" Frankie said firmly "Effy and I have a little bit of...history...and she asked me if I could oil the wheels a bit...you know, with you and Naomi...who is _fucking_ gorgeous...if you don't mind me saying?"

I goggled at that. Not only had these two come up with some sort of lame attempt to make Naomi jealous, but now I find out they've shagged. Brilliant. I bristled at their smug faces.

"Actually I _do_ mind you saying, but that's by the way. How on earth is me getting cosy with another woman going to make Naomi think anything else than I'm a proper slag?"

Effy sighed and looked at me hard.

"Because, little Fitch...she might be sad, might be mad, but she's still crazy about you. I've seen the looks she's been giving you all night. I'm not suggesting you two get down and dirty in the middle of the lounge...although I can say from personal experience that Miss Fitzgerald has a very...flexible...way of showing you she likes you...But if you play it cool Emily, just spend some time chatting to our Frankie...someone is going to hate it"

I still thought it was a shit idea, but alcohol and drugs were kicking the shit out of my judgement. Maybe Naomi would get jealous...it was better than standing there all night, playing that stupid 'no, _you_ look away' game?

So...two minutes later, for the price of a generous snort of my remaining powder, Frankie and I were in the corner of the room, looking (I hoped) like two people just getting to know each other. She did the old hair twirl, arm touching routine, and I let her. For a few minutes I thought it was a waste of time. Naomi had moved on from the guy with strange facial hair and was now in deep conversation with Michelle. She had her back to where I was standing with Frankie and after a while, I started getting antsy. To be honest, although the girl was very pretty in an androgynous sort of way and those gorgeous tits were definitely worth checking out...we were total strangers, so once we'd exhausted the normal ' _where do you live?_ '...' _where do you_ _work?_ ' and ' _how long have you been gay_ '... stuff like that, we were struggling.

Then I saw Michelle look over, nudge Naomi and nod her head in our direction. I pretended not to notice, but that's a bit like saying you can just brush off the approach of a heat seeking missile. Two very impressive angry blue eyes were soon drilling holes in Frankie's back.

I tried to hide any trace of triumphalism and just let the other girl carry on pretending to chat me up. But I could feel the waves of jealousy sweeping across the room. For a moment, I thought that was all it would take and I made a mental note to buy Effy an export sized bottle of Tequila to thank her. Although Michelle was obviously trying to distract my ex, those eyes kept flicking over.

Then my teasing suddenly didn't matter.

XXX

Naomi

"Fucking bitch" was the sentence I was thinking over and over. If I was honest, I wasn't quite sure whether it was Emily or this...Frankie... creature I was aiming it at. It didn't look as if Emily was actually encouraging the other girl to come on to her...but she wasn't exactly fighting her off either. Two competing emotions were battling inside me as I tried to look interested in Michelle's one sided conversation.

How dare she flirt with someone else...and why the fuck am I so jealous...I'm _over_ her, right?

The stupidity of the second part didn't escape me.

Blame the fifth glass of vodka I was swigging, blame the fevered atmosphere in the room, blame 6 years of conditioning. Suddenly I was abandoning any pretence of listening to what Michelle was saying. I put my glass down with a bang on the side table and found my legs walking me over to where Emily was standing.

I gave this Frankie one hard stare before turning to my ex.

" _Excuse_ me Frankie...I need a word...Emily?"

Then I took Emily's hand in mine and pulled her out of the room and upstairs. I found an unoccupied bedroom and pushed her inside, slamming the door behind us.

She just stood there, looking way too fucking beautiful. Her face was flushed with drink and whatever Effy and Katie had made her take tonight. I hadn't missed the sly exchange of wraps and the little trip to the loo earlier. I knew Emily well enough to know it wasn't just booze that was making her pupils dilate.

"What the fuck Emily?" I spat, standing in front of the door with my arms folded "Not enough to humiliate me with a married woman? Now I have to watch you getting off with randoms again...what is this? Barbecue time?"

She flushed at my reference to the shitstorm at my old house in Alfred Road years ago.

"You've got it all wrong...I was just talking...it's you I lo..."

"No!" I shouted..."Don't you _dare_ say that..."

Surprisingly (and again I suppose I could see the drugs giving her courage) she didn't back down this time.

"No... _you_ listen this time Naomi...I love you and if I have to say it a thousand times before you believe me, then I will. No one ever has or ever will come close to how I feel about you. You asked me a question weeks ago...well, here's your answer. No, I _wouldn't_ still be messing around with anyone else. I love YOU, no one else"

I stood there, stunned at her outburst. I was expecting meek and apologetic Emily, not the fierce eyed defence I was getting.

"Oh...right... _NOW_ you make your mind up..." I spat, moving closer and trying to intimidate her with my eyes.

And then...and then...

Her lips were on mine and we were kissing. Not soft, loving kissing. Hard, aggressive, hungry kissing. I spun her round until she was up against the door, pressing my knee between her legs. Our mouths were competing frantically for dominance. I pushed my tongue into her mouth and she accepted it eagerly, moaning and grabbing at my hips and arse, pulling me even closer. The heat between my legs flared violently as I reached down and squeezed her tits in turn hard. She groaned deep in her throat at my rough treatment but didn't protest. Within seconds we were competing for something else...who could get a hand under the others skirt first. Fuck knows who won, I just know that two pairs of tattered knickers were by our ankles almost instantly. This time _I_ moaned as her gentler fingers penetrated me, curling upwards and massaging me the way she knew I liked. I wasn't anything like as considerate, thrusting one then two fingers up inside her, hard and relentless.

Still pressed against each other, mouths moving fast and fingers pumping, it would have been just a few seconds before both of us got off.

But then it changed. Instead of matching my hard kisses, she pulled her mouth away with a sigh and began to pepper my neck and face with soft, gentle kisses. Her fingers slowed until they were just at my entrance, circling my clit with knowing movements. She whispered in my ear that she loved me...again and again.

I froze, my straight fingers just about to hammer into her again. It felt like the best and the worst moment of my life, I thought. Suddenly this wasn't just me and Emily having a wild quickie against a bedroom door. Suddenly it wasn't angry sex. Suddenly it was her...not fucking me, but making love to me, the way she always had. Despite how turned on I was, all the heat went out of me in a rush.

I pushed her back slowly with my other hand and looked down at her. She was softly crying, still trying to caress me down there with love, not bitter lust.

I pulled my fingers out of her and panted, staring at her little face, tear stained and desperate. I knew this was madness...this wasn't solving anything.

"I..I'm sorry Em...I can't...we can't...I just..." I said in a trembling voice.

"I know" she whispered..."It's all fucked isn't it?"

I nodded, my own eyes filling with tears. The one thing we always had...the closeness, the comfortable way we made love to each other...was gone.

Without looking at each other, we picked up our ruined underwear and I opened the door and looked at her one last time.

"I'm going now Em...please don't follow me. It's over...OK?"

She just stood there, eyes pleading with me for God knows what. Then I turned and ran down the stairs, out of the house and down the empty street. The sound of my hysterical crying echoed off the silent houses as I ran.


	14. Chapter 14

**A 6 month time shift in this one, just so you know...life has moved on for the girls.**

"Are you actually going to fuck off without even saying good morning properly?" I said sleepily from under the pillow. A skinny dark haired girl with great tits grinned at me from the side of the room where she was picking up some of her abandoned clothing from last night. A red lace bra on the lampshade...matching knickers on the cane chair and her other stuff scattered across the bedroom floor where I had roughly taken it off her last night, impatient to feel her skin on mine. She straightened up and my eyes widened again at the sight of those magnificent full tits. Tits I had enjoyed and explored for most of the night. Along with the rest of her body. All of it, right down to the...well, you get the picture.

I didn't remember much about getting home, but that was quite normal for a Friday night. Lots of strong alcohol and weed usually meant I was a bit of a passenger on the way back from whatever party we had been to. But stripping Frankie naked was a sure-fire way of getting me sober enough to take advantage of all that smooth body. I'd say she was an inventive lover, but that was way underplaying it. Since we'd first hooked up, three weeks after the disastrous party at Panda's old house, we'd pretty much cornered the 'fuck buddy' scenario. Nothing too heavy...the love word was _definitely_ taboo and never uttered by either of us, but she was willing, energetic and hungry for excitement . Which meant she was as OK as I was with this loose arrangement. I'd had my fingers burned once. Relationships sucked. So I wasn't doing them again. But I was doing **her**...most weekends.

And last night was right up there with some of the best sex I could remember having.

"Well?" I said, lifting my head from under the pillow and letting the duvet slip away from my body. Her eyes got dark again and she dropped the knickers back onto the chair.

" _Fuuuuck_ " she whispered "I'll never get to work at this rate...you're fucking insatiable"

"Like you hate that" I said huskily "Get over here Fitzgerald and remind me how good you are with that talented tongue"

"I'll do better than that" she said hoarsely, eyes roaming over my naked body "I have a little friend in my bag...remember?...I was going to use it on you last night but you were too fucking impatient to go down on me when we got in from the pub?"

I growled at that...I'd forgotten Frankie's often surprising little 'additions' to our sex life.

She dipped into that huge red bag she carried around with her and slowly pulled out something long, flexible and _way_ too lifelike for this early in the morning.

"Its...it's fucking _long_ babe...how are you gonna...?" I whispered in awe.

" _I'm_ not going to babe... _WE_ are...this bad boy is built for two" she said quietly.."Now...assume the position, bitch" The last with a husky giggle.

I groaned, still goggling at the length of the improbable double ended...thingy. Then I threw off the covers completely and laid on my back. This should be interesting.

I felt the bed dip as she crawled over me. My eyes were closed and legs open. We had been sleeping together often enough to know what each other liked. Frankie likes me compliant and obedient...at least at first. Although it surprised me at the beginning, I found I quite liked being the bottom in this relationship, at least in bed.

She groaned as I spread my legs a bit further.

"Oh Christ, you f...that's so _sexy_ to see" she hissed. "I'm gonna fuck you till you scream girl"

"Oh yeah" I sighed happily.

Why the fuck wouldn't I want that?

I felt her big tits brush against my smaller ones as she crouched over me and my nipples hardened at the subtle caress. Her breath was hot on my cheek as she adjusted herself. I kept my eyes closed as she worked her way down my skin with a busy tongue. Sucking my nipples softly before running it round my stomach and down to where I needed it most. My hips seemed to have a mind of their own, rolling and pushing upwards as she teased me.

"Please..." I said hoarsely

"All in good time" she breathed, running that talented tongue up one side of my thigh and then down the other. I was quivering already and she hadn't even got that thing inside me.

Then I heard her groan above me and her body went rigid. I guessed correctly that the business end of our new friend had found a willing home, then she was licking me again, steadily this time. The teasing had made me wet already, so I didn't need any more working up, so she finally took pity on me when I pleaded with her again. I felt her body move up over me and she grabbed my hands in one of hers, forcing them over my head. I gripped the wooden bed rail and bit my lip.

"Fuck yeah" she hissed again "So fucking gorgeous"

Then I felt the very tip of the bulbous fake cock rub against my wetness. My hips did their little dance again and I felt her slowly penetrating me, opening me up like a flower. It felt like a small house was trying to get in there, but by now I was so slippy that she drove into me easily. In a second she was buried up to the hilt, her smooth stomach brushing mine as she paused.

" _Fuck_ " I cried out and bucked up against her.

"Exactly" she said in a tight voice "That's _exactly_ what I'm going to do to you"

I opened my eyes then. Frankie was staring at my face with eyes so black I couldn't tell the colour any more. Her hips began a slow rotation as I moved helplessly against her. Her hand released my wrists so she could brace herself and I dropped my arms quickly, reaching round her to cup that tight little arse. Slowly she began to thrust in and out.

" _Fuck_ " I said again, gripping her tighter "Why haven't we done this before?"

Frankie giggled and the rippling of her stomach sent new shocks through me. I knew what she was like in this mood, if not with the current...accessory. Her hips began to move harder, faster. Mine responded and I felt her move upwards slightly angling so the fake cock began to rub...right _there_...for both of us.

I jerked in response, crying out for the first, but definitely not the last time. The headboard began to knock repeatedly against the wall as she fucked me steadily.

"Christ...oh fucking hell" I moaned, sucking on her neck as she worked above me, all the time staring into my eyes. Despite last nights drunken shagging, this was going to get me off in record time and I knew it.

Within a minute the thrusting inside me got faster, less coordinated and her face took on that look of intensity it had when she was really close. My own body was on fire and I bucked upwards, gripping her arse with clawing fingers, trying but failing to slide my finger between her cheeks. I knew she liked that, but just we ran out of time.

"Oh God...yes...there...yes there Frankie...oh _FUCK_ ME!" I screamed as the fire between my legs flared white hot. I felt the spasms beginning and began to clench on the rubber phallus in rolling, rippling waves.

"Coming...oh fuck _coming_!" I cried. She screamed too, one of identical release and I knew our new friend was getting the workout it deserved from both of us.

Slowly, both of us panting and jerking with delicious aftershocks, we came down from the fantastic high. In the end, she was just breathing heavily above me, still staring at my face.

" _You_..." she said between breaths "You look so fucking breathtaking when you come"

I smiled at her.

"Flatterer" I smirked.

A few moments later, the 'accessory' safely dropped out of sight at the side of the bed, we enjoyed a brief cuddle before she got up. I wasn't working today, but she was, so I was looking forward to a nice lie in after my early morning exertions.

Frankie kissed my neck and whispered in my ear as we lay there, dreamily stroking each others hand.

"Gotta go to work babe...but... can I ask you something before I go?"

I stiffened slightly. This was the time when I was most vulnerable, and I sort of knew what was coming, even though we both knew the 'rules'

"What?" I said quietly

"I know we agreed...but its been nearly 4 months...we get on great don't we...not just in bed?...We see each other every week, go out most weekends...fucking hell, I practically live here Saturday and Sunday...why can't we...sort of make it official. She's not coming back, hun...time to move on maybe...?"

I left the sentence hanging in the air for a moment before answering her. Just the mention of...her...was unsettling.

"Look hun..." I said haltingly "...I know this is hard for you... _half_ going out with me...but I told you at the beginning...relationships suck...I just got out of one I thought would last my entire life..and look how that worked out? I'm not ready for..."

I felt her move backwards and suddenly she was getting up, her back to me. Fuck, I thought..and it was all going so well.

"That's cool" she lied unconvincingly, her back rigid "I knew the 'rules' going in...but we can't go on.. _.I_ can't go on...indefinitely like this. We go out, we fuck and my toothbrush is in your bathroom. But it's not enough. Sooner or later you're gonna have to let her go completely. It's just not fair on either of us?"

I reached out to stroke her back, but she moved away.

"Don't" she said sharply "Look...I'm going to work now...but I'll call you later...we need to talk about this properly...OK?"

She turned to look at me as I lay there in bed. I nodded. "Sure...call me later" I said, trying a weak smile. Her own was as fake as the rubber cock.

Five minutes later, the front door slammed and I was alone. I sank back onto the pillows, sighing miserably.

"Fucking hell Naomi" I said softly to myself "It's never easy is it?"

XXX

I suppose I should explain. Wasn't it Emily who had been flirting with Frankie? Well that was right and for weeks after that night, I didn't go out again. Work, home, bedroom, music, sleep, repeat. That was my life. Effy called to apologise, then after a couple of weeks came round. She explained that it was her idea for Frankie to do the stalking horse bit and make me jealous. Well it worked, but not in a way that any of us expected. I;d pulled Emily into an upstairs room and tried to fuck the pain out of us. It didn't work. There was too much...well...love...there. Fucking had never been our problem. Fucking other people seemed to be.

But in time, with Emily still in Bristol but respecting my request to stay away, I let myself be persuaded to go out...just once a week at first. With Effy, just the two of us...a quiet drink in a local pub before she went off to do her mysterious Stonem bit in the clubs in the city centre.

Two weeks after that, she brought Frankie with her.

At first I was wary, but unusually for Effy, there wasn't a hidden agenda. They had literally bumped into each other in the street outside. Frankie apparently had the hots for me, even after playing the dupe with Emily and insisted on coming into the pub. She was funny, smart and easy to talk to. When Effy buggered off to snare some idiot in town, we carried on drinking and talking. It was obvious she fancied me, but she was clever enough not to come on too strong.

One night led to another night out together and she listened patiently to my tale of woe for several Friday nights before we even got to the goodnight kiss bit.

Inevitably, after a month, with no Emily to tug at my heart strings, biology took over. She was really pretty, willing and more importantly, single. I spent a whole evening telling her that if we did hook up it was just about two healthy twenty something girls getting their frustration relieved. I was off relationships for the foreseeable future.

She agreed to keep it light and occasional and so the 'affair' started.

Like I said, Frankie is a hot one in bed. I'd forgotten what it was to completely let myself go. With Emily, although the sex was great always, after 6 years we had settled into a pretty vanilla routine. There wasn't much against the kitchen sink fucking towards the end. Tow, maybe three times a week in bed, sometimes with the light out. Which pretty much sums up what was wrong. We'd let ourselves settle for ordinary. And Emily and I were never ordinary. That was absolutely no fucking excuse for my ex to go out and shag some married woman, but it gave me pause for thought.

So..me and Frankie rubbed along... (there was a whole _lot_ of rubbing) and it worked. During the week, I could concentrate on just getting by. My heart would still ache if I thought about my ex for long, but it began to be manageable. I thought I might actually be healing. Not forgiving exactly, but healing the rawness of the wounds.

I didn't hear much about Emily, for which I was grateful. I know she stayed in Bristol, but we never saw each other after that night at Panda's. Whether that was luck or deliberate, didn't seem to matter.

I spoke to Katie a couple of times. She was OK with me, although we were never going to be as close as we had been. Emily was her sister after all, and Katie would always have her back as opposed to mine. I was sad about losing a good friend as well as the love of my life, but I understood.

Life went on and so did I.

But today, all sorts of chickens were coming home to roost. I should have seen it coming. Frankie was always going to want more than just a fuck on Friday nights (OK, most of Saturday and sometime Sundays too) but I was incapable of giving that to her. Much as I tried to stifle it...my heart still belonged to that beautiful petite brunette I had loved from the age of 12...

XXX

Katie

"Come ON Ems...you fucking loser" I shouted in a pretty good impression of my 16 year old self, back at 6th form. Emily was up from Bristol for the weekend and I was getting a bit tired of her using my flat as a dyke squat. Sisterly love only goes so far, right?

After the shit storm called Panda's party, I got a perfectly nice cocktail dress ruined with tears and make up before having to haul her sorry arse back to her place. For the next week she was virtually inconsolable. At first I wanted to punch the big blonde lezzer for upsetting her so much, but when I got the full story, I kinda understood. Fucking idiots both of them, trying to use sex as a sticking plaster. Those two were nothing if not star crossed lovers. Sex was just the stuff they did in between mooning over each other.

So we went through that desperate stage where you wonder if she's ever going to get over it, then things started to sort themselves out. She went back to Bristol after staying with me for a couple of weeks (wasting a fortnight's rent on a lovely flat in the process) and started to pick up the pieces. Her job kept her occupied during the day, but I still got regular tearful phone calls at night, which I endured like a good twin.

Eventually, and after just one breakdown when she heard that Naomi was dating again, she bucked up a bit.

A bit _too_ fucking much if this weekend is anything to go on. Suddenly my sister has turned into Effy fucking Stonem. We went to some bar in the West End with a crowd of my friends. A few drinks in, my sister gets the sort of look in her eye she used to when her and Campbell were in their pomp. Sort of feral?

Next thing I knew, she'd disappeared out the back with the girl from behind the bar. They came back ten minutes later with an obvious 'just fucked' look on their stupid faces. Frankly I was shocked. My sister...having knee tremblers with randoms?

She wouldn't talk to me about it. Just had that far away, hard look in her eyes I didn't recognise. Talk about personality change. The only thing that made it slightly more understandable was the fact that the girl had been blonde with blue eyes. Squint your eyes and she had a passing resemblance to you know who.

But that wasn't the worst of it.

Two hours later, she tipped up at the bar where I was holding court to two Australian guys vying to see who could spend enough to part me from my knickers, with _another_ random. She was well pissed by now and her eyes kept going glassy. But the (blonde of course) girl holding on to Emily's hand was looking at my sister as if she was about to explode with adoration. Gag time or what?

This morning I heard the skank leaving at 5am, giggling and stomping down the stairs. If last nights little performance hadn't been off putting enough? My Australian stud had obviously enjoyed the lurid lesbian soundtrack coming from the other bedroom. I had fucking _NOT_. Very off-putting.

So this morning, I'm trying to raise my sister from the dead so I can fumigate the fucking sheets and air the spare room. Must smell like a gay bar toilet in there...

" _Emily_!"


	15. Chapter 15

Katie

I think Auntie Katie is going to have to have stern words with a certain Fitch brunette almost as good looking as me. I let it go for a while, even putting up with twice a month excursions by my sister to London, so she could 'see her twin'

'Seeing her twin' lasted long enough for her to score something chemical from me, dump her overnight case and nag me for an hour until I agreed to take her to the latest up market bar. Not just any bar...fucking _gay_ bars. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with my sister or anyone else being into carpet munching, but its not fucking _compulsory_ , is it?

I've been hit on by girls before, lots of them. Well, they've got _eyes_ haven't they? I'm fit. Always have been. My tits are a cup size bigger nowadays, but all that tread-milling in my dad's gym (he has three in Bristol and one in London now...family membership for Fitches is free!) means I have _no_ excess anywhere else. The merchandise is as firm now as it was when I worked for my mum in that short lived wedding business. I still have that black basque _and_ it still fits...But being hit on nightly by dykes is a drag, unless you're my sister that is.

My body and my social life are suffering because my twin refuses to even try to get over her broken heart. I thought she might go through the ' _fuck anything_ ' phase. It happens. Being gay at least means she doesn't wake up with a hairy guy snoring and farting beside her and the nagging worry that she might have missed her contraceptive pill that morning. But she's been going for it a _lot_. Not in Bristol...apparently she's still shit scared of bumping into 'you know who' when she's out of it on drugs and slagging it up...so she saves her screwing around for London.

Now London is a lot of things, but a sympathetic, warm and fuzzy place it ain't. People are harder edged, more unforgiving. It's the pace of life here. Suits me, but then no one gets past my trip wires. I fuck who I want, when I want, where I want. NO penetration without a condom, no swallowing unless I know them extra well and definitely no back door activity with strangers.

If I'm horny, like last weekend, I go out, smile a bit, flash my assets and select a willing victim. It was...Marcus...then I think...yeah, definitely Marcus. Looked Italian, actually came from Walthamstow. Few pricey cocktails..some fooling around in the cab and bingo...I found out his package was as impressive unwrapped as in the envelope. I like a nice big one...not too big, just this side of uncomfortable. Good control too, he hung on while I gave him the benefit of all my youthful fellatio practice. Even when I put the condom on for him with my teeth. Sign of a pro...not me...him?

Five minutes of frankly uninspiring cunnilingus later... (the only concession I'll make to the muff monkeys is that they sure know how to wield those tongues...I might have only allowed La Stonem to practice on me once, but I still remember how my toes curled when she did me).….it was "OK mate...enough prospecting...I have a job for you?"

And he performed very satisfactorily. Let me sit on it and ride him to pleasureville. Like I said, job done. No lovey dovey shit, no phone numbers, just two adults fucking the shit out of each other for one night. No repeats, no matinees, no apologies.

But Emily is just getting pissed and stoned, finding someone who looks vaguely like the blonde and letting them shag her. This might be a big place with millions of strangers, but not all of them play nice. I know.

So when she phoned yesterday, I only said she could come up on one condition. No drugs or booze until we'd talked. _Really_ talked. Not arguing about the hair straighteners or who pressed the toothpaste in the middle. Real, grown up talking. Talking about the thing that's behind all this self destructive shit.

Naomi fucking Campbell.

So...the doorbell went and I walked to the front door and opened it. I stared at the person outside my door as if it was a stranger. Because it might as well have been. It was my sister, but like one of those faded sepia photo's you see in your grannies album. Old, worn out and looking like something from another world. Shit, it's worse than I thought, I said to myself.

She had an overnight bag with her, and was holding her coat over her arm. Fuck she's getting thin, I realised. Not fashionably thin...just fucking _thin_. Ems never could compete with me in the tit department, but with just a flimsy cotton top on and a pair of faded jeans, she could have passed for a fucking skeletal down and out, dossing in the doorway of MacDonald's. Her hair was dull and lifeless and her eyes regarded me without any emotion. It had only been three weeks since she'd been up here, but this was a different person standing here. You know me...considerate till the end...?

"Fucking hell, Ems...did you get mugged on the way here?" I said, more sharply than I meant.

She pushed past me and just shrugged.

"What does it matter Katie...it's all fucked anyway" she said flatly.

I followed her in the apartment and watched as she dumped her bag by the couch and sat down heavily. I walked over and stood in front of her, my hands on my hips.

"It _does_ matter Ems...you're my fucking sister for God's sake...why are you doing this to yourself?"

She looked up at me and flashed a wry smile.

"Three guesses?" she said dully.

I raised my eyebrows and puffed out a deep breath.

"Campbell...what else? What's the dozy cow done now...I thought you hadn't seen her for like...months...why now?"

Emily shrugged again, a gesture which was staring to piss me off big time.

"Until yesterday...then I saw her coming out of a coffee shop in Clifton...with her fucking _girlfriend_?" She spat out the last word like it tasted of shit.

I rolled my eyes.

"Was always gonna happen Ems...you broke up, remember?"

"Yeah...but seeing her...looking fucking happy...I just couldn't...I can't even...?" she whimpered and bent over at the waist. Fucking hell, I thought sobbing time was over for the duration, but shows how wrong you can be, huh?

I sat down beside her and let her cry on my shoulder for a bit (another mint top fucking ruined).

When the initial burst had subsided, I pulled back and handed her a tissue.

"But _look_ at you?...this isn't just because you bumped into the big lezzer yesterday or whatever...you look like you haven't slept for weeks. It's bad enough you've been coming up here to escape reality every month...but what happened in Bristol to make you look like this?"

Emily wiped her eyes and coughed before answering.

"I sort of met someone...someone I thought was nice...not Naomi nice...but you know..."

I nodded.

"Well thats a good thing, yeah?...she's moved on...now you have to too. Who is it...and why if you've met someone else, do you look worse than you did when you two first broke up?"

Fresh tears started brimming in my sisters eyes and I passed her another tissue before my top got another salt wash.

"I said I met someone...not that I was going out with them. It was just a drink...just talking...you know? But as always, I ended up just pouring my heart out about...her...and Ellie just dumped me on the spot...in the middle of the pub. I felt such a fool...Oh Katie...I'm _never_ going to get over her...I love her so much"

I sighed heavily. Right. No woman or guy is gonna want to spend an evening with someone who bangs on endlessly about their lost love, are they? Bit of a mood killer.

"OK...so you're still not ready to move on...but hey...you're a Fitch...you're smoking hot Ems, at least when you're not doing a fucking hobo impression. Jump in the shower, there's a new dressing gown on the back of the bathroom door...we'll have a nice girly night in, just us two. I have some Chablis I was saving, but fuck it..."

She shook her head.

"I was...hoping...we could go out...you know, get really fucked up? Have you got anything?"

This time I shook my head. Firmly.

"Nope...that's the last thing you need. I'm not dragging you out of a gutter at 2am or worse, listening to you trying to fuck some random slut into the mattress all night to blot out your sorrows. This stops _now_ Emily. If it really is over with you two...and it sounds like it might be if she's seeing someone else...you need to start dealing with it sober...not through a fucking MDMA haze?"

It took me ten minutes of stonewalling, but finally she gave in and sloped off to the bathroom for that shower. By the smell of her, not before time. Jesus, my sister used to be the clean queen of Bristol. What facing happened?

XXX

An hour later, at least she looked a bit better. Freshly showered and wrapped in a thick towelling dressing gown some guy had boosted for me from Claridges last month, we were on the couch, a bottle of Premier Cru empty on the coffee table and another half gone. Another 60 fucking quid spent on consoling my inconsolable twin, I thought unhappily. At this rate, I'll be skint by the time she eventually gets on with her life. My drugs bill had soared recently, now even my wine collection was vulnerable.

But she was actually laughing at something we were remembering. Pity most of our anecdotes were tinged with sadness...seeing as how most of them involved a certain bleach blonde dyke, but that's what happens when you spend two years at college running after someone who won't be caught.

But we stayed on the subjects of Cook and JJ for the most part. Safer territory.

"...and that time Cook nailed Effy in the nurses room and that dippy supply teacher...what was her name?...was having a fucking lie down in the next cubicle. I don't think "Grab my balls" was something she expected to soother her nerves after that stupid assembly?

Emily grinned and swallowed another large gulp of Chablis. I moved the bottle to one side...I wanted her reasonably sober once we got onto the subject she was avoiding like the plague.

"Nice tits tho..." she mused, her eyes wandering up to the ceiling.

I spluttered my mouthful of wine at that.

"Jesus Ems...keep it in your pants, babe...? You're such a fucking _boy_ about women, aren't you? How I didn't notice you were as gay as a fucking department store window back then, I don't know...all those posters of Debbie fucking Harry and Lily Allen. I must have been blind?"

Emily giggled huskily, a sound I had missed.

"Like you would have noticed _anything_ I did back then Katie...mostly you had your head down between the front seats of Danny Guillermo's horrible yellow car every spare moment...Jesus, didn't you ever mistake that red gear knob for his dick...you know...in the dark?"

"Fuck _off_ bitch" I said, laughing "I practised on dear Danny quite a lot, I know, something which a lot of guys are _very_ appreciative of now?"

This time Emily laughed out loud.

"Disgusting...how you can fucking do that...nasty smelly spitting things. When I shagged JJ that time, after we'd, you know...shagged, he started getting creative? Tried to persuade me to take his oral virginity as well. Apparently Cook assured him that all girls _looove_ to suck dick?"

I laughed again, louder this time.

"Poor JJ...still, nailing a Fitch was his high water mark. More than you can say for Cook. He got Effy instead and look where that got him? Locked up in Bristol jail for five years after hammering that creep Foster into the floor"

We stopped laughing then, because, well...remembering Cook and Foster inevitable led to Freddie and that wasn't a laughing matter. 6 years our old friend had been dead now. 6 years in which he should have been walking the streets, breathing and dreaming of the things to come instead of lying in a cold dark grave, next to his mum. Freddies family had been shattered by his death. His dad died a year later from alcoholism...Karen had disappeared altogether then. Fucking Foster had a lot of things to be sorry about. Still, locked up in Broadmoor for an indefinite time, I hoped the shrinks in there were being as hard on him as he had been on Effy.

We both had another swallow of wine then I took the chance to break the subject we were avoiding.

"Em...what are you going to do about...?" I said quietly.

Emily grimaced like she'd eaten one of Thomas's favourite chillies.

"Wish I knew Katie...try as I might...I _can't_ get her out of my head. I thought if I just gave her space...let her heal, she might forgive me. But then, I haven't forgiven myself yet, have I? Still punishing myself for being so fucking stupid. I know now I would have carried on seeing Izzie if I hadn't been found out. And that is so crazy I can't even...I didn't _love_ her...didn't even fancy her that much...but it was like I was actually doing something on my own, you know? Something separate from 'Emily and Naomi' I sort of realised that everything I did, everything I was, had connections to her. That's not a bad thing, but for the first time...I sort of understood why she did that thing with Sophia. It was about being helpless, being totally under someone else's control. I spent all the time we were together at Roundview planning our lives for the future bit by bit...together, _always_ together. I forgot that Naomi was a person as well, not just the girl I loved so madly. She felt trapped and accepted the first offer someone else made to her. Well, I did too. When Izzie dangled that room key in front of me that night...I could have said no...could have politely turned her down. But I didn't...and once I'd cheated...the worst part of all was I found it easier each time"

"But it cost you didn't it...in the end Em?" I said, letting her get it all out.

"Yeah" she said sadly "Cost me everything...everything that was worth keeping. I know she'll never forgive me now...but why does it still hurt as much now as it did six fucking months ago. I've tried everything...drink, drugs...fucking anyone who'll look at me...none of it works. I'm still as hopelessly in love with her as I ever was. I threw away the one thing that made sense, and now she's moved on...it's really over Katie, isn't it?"

I wanted to say no, wanted to say the right words, ones that would make things better, but there really wasn't anything to say, was there? So I just held her and let her sob quietly a bit more...

XXX

Naomi

Right, I thought sadly, leaving the café in Clifton, that went well. Or not.

I knew when Frankie asked me to meet her after work all the way over here, near the zoo, that this was serious. She'd chosen neutral ground. Neither of could afford to live or eat in this part of Bristol. It was where the well off lived, with its private schools, leafy squares and bijou cafés and bars. Clifton village they call it, and it is. Well heeled, pricey and about as far from our usual haunts as possible.

We sat upstairs, drinking overpriced coffee and _not_ eating the equally pricey Danish's Frankie had ordered before I got there. Neither of us had much appetite. I knew what was coming. When she'd left this morning, I knew the conversation was just interrupted, not ended.

"OK..." she said brightly as I sipped my drink "I said we needed to talk...well, here we are?"

I sighed.

" I thought we'd sorted this out" I said hopefully "We agreed..."

"That was then...things change Naomi...I can't go on trying to compete with someone you used to love..."

I winced at that...if only it was that easy. I didn't used to love Emily...I still did. If it was 'used to' I might have been able to offer Frankie what she obviously wanted from this relationship.

"I...I.." I started, but she carried on.

"I have a job offer" she said, throwing me completely

"What...well, that's great...why didn't you say earlier...we could have a proper drink..celebrate?" I tried

"No...that's not what I mean Naoms. I have a job offer...and I don't want to take it?"

"But...why?" I said stupidly.

"Because it means I'll have to move...a long way" she said in a small voice "It's in Oxford...working for a publisher. Something I applied for ages ago...before we got together...but now I have you and..."

God forgive me for the first though that crossed my mind. Which was definitely not one of disappointment. Unfortunately for me, my well known inability to hide my thoughts betrayed me again. Frankie gave me a hard look and her pretty mouth settled into a thin line.

"Thought so..." she said grimly "Not much danger of you trying to talk me out of it then Naoms...?"

I thought about lying...but then realised it was pointless. I liked Frankie...liked her a lot. But I didn't love her, and that wasn't fair. Her feelings for me were getting stronger, but I was still stuck in this soulless holding pattern. We got on well, we fucked a lot, but the passion was transient, momentary. I'd been spoiled by a certain small Fitch type person. I wanted love...craved it even, but not with Frankie.

We left our coffee's in the end, still steaming in the cups. She knew and I knew it was over. We shared a short, but tender kiss outside the café, before I walked one way and she the other. I knew I would miss her a lot, not just for the sex, but she deserved better and I couldn't give that to her.

As I turned to walk down towards the city centre, I caught a flash of dark hair and a pale face just walking away. Not Frankie...someone even more familiar, but before I could catch her eye, she was gone, round the square and out of sight. I stood there for a couple of seconds, trying to convince myself it couldn't be. Emily had no more reason that I to be here, in this middle class luxury ghetto. But then a sharp wind from the gorge whistled down the street and I shivered. Probably just my imagination anyway, I thought.

So it was a bit surprising, the next morning as I packed up the few things Frankie had left here the previous day when the phone rang. Frankie had a key, so I knew she would wait for me to go out to work before coming round. When I looked at the caller display, I froze.

"Katie" it said, under a typically snarky photo of the older Fitch, quirking an immaculately manicured eyebrow at the camera.

I thumbed the green button.

"Naomi?" she said bluntly

"No...this is the careless hands massage parlour...which service do you require?" I said, trying for humour.

"Cut the shit bitch...we need to talk. I'll be at Temple Meads at 6 tonight...fucking be there..."

The phone went silent.

Right, I thought. Shit...meet fan.


	16. Chapter 16

Naomi

Fuck it's bloody freezing, standing here. Why is it that British stations are always cold, even in the summer? Temple Meads is draughty at the best of times, and this definitely wasn't the best of times.

I don't know why I'm even here? Katie stopped being a commanding presence in my life years ago. We might have settled into a sort of happy truce, what with me proving beyond doubt that I loved her sister and her getting over the strange sibling rivalry/homophobe thing she had going for a while back at college. But the days of her barking instructions and me asking ' _how_ high Katiekins?' are long gone. Me being with Emily (as she reminded me when her whole family got made homeless) meant she enjoyed total diplomatic immunity in those days. Not now.

Yet still...here I am. Freezing my tits off in a dreary Network Rail station, waiting for the 6.05 from Paddington.

At last I heard the announcer drone the news of its imminent arrival and I hugged myself a bit harder and shuffled closer to the ticket gates. Sure enough, she's last off...probably in the loo, applying more war paint for me to wince at.

She saw me waiting, but made no mood to hurry. Mind you, those heels probably made it impossible anyway. She shares her height with her prettier twin (stop it Naomi) but always looked taller because she squeezes herself into the highest heels she can stand up in, from the time she first grew tits (which in her case was certainly way earlier than me)

I sighed and rolled my eyes, knowing it was a wasted gesture. Not only was she studiously avoiding my patented glare, but she was immune anyway. Other people have flu jabs, Katie has Campbell inoculation. Sort of like Ebola without the nasty haemorrhagic internal stuff?

Sliding the ticket into the slot, she huffed impatiently as the machine took a nanosecond to recognise that Fitch royalty was in town, but a fraction later, the barrier hissed and madam made her entrance.

"Naomi?" she said

"Katie" I responded. This was her gig, I wasn't about to pre-empt her announcement by lamely asking why she was here. That much was obvious.

Emily.

We walked to the cab rank side by side, silent.

When we'd got one and jumped in, I turned to her and asked where we were actually going?

"Well, _duh_ Naomi...your flat of course?...I'm hardly gonna do this in front of my charming parents am I? My dad will have his Vlad the Impaler pitchfork out for you...and my mother will just sit there with a shit eating grin on, knowing you two have fucked it all up at last?"

"Hardly MY fault" I said sulkily, giving the driver my address. The rest of the journey was as silent as the exit from the station. I don't think either of us fancied letting the Bosnian taxi driver in on my disastrous (non) love life.

Getting out, I paid the driver, as Katie showed no signs of reaching into her designer bag. Another £10 down the tubes, I said to myself. Quelle surprise.

I opened the front door and Katie slung her bag onto the floor, marching into the living room and looking around like some sort of fucked up interior designer. I knew just what she was thinking. Katie is pretty predictable like that. 'That wall needs a contrast coat...the lamp has to go...and _where_ does she get that fucking ugly furniture from?' My tastes have never exactly coincided with the older Fitch twin. Not only do I hate the idea of animal print (fake or not) but having my tits out all day like Nell fucking Gwynne is not top of my to do list. Let's just say we differ in our preferences and that doesn't just mean in the cock crunching area.

She sighed heavily before sitting on the very edge of my couch. I don't think Katie had ever got over finding...err...evidence...of her sister and my mixed...err... _excitement_ on the leather sofa at the place me and Emily had had in London? Well, if you _will_ let yourself in quietly while Emily and I were 'entertaining' each other in the lounge...maybe you shouldn't be totally surprised? We had a track record after all, of thoroughly christening _every_ new piece of furniture...

I suppressed a grin at that all too vivid memory. All our sexual yesterdays wasn't really appropriate for this situation though, was it?

She coughed impatiently and I realised that my face was yet again betraying my inner thoughts.

"OK...well...if you've _quite_ finished remembering why I always hover on your household seating Naomi...maybe we could get to the point?" she said acidly and accurately.

I'm ashamed to say, I fucking blushed. Open book or what?

"OK Katie...hit me with it?" I said wearily. This should be good...or very, very bad.

"My sister" she said...never being one to waste words on mere mortals (unless they had impressive...dangly... accessories)

"Yes...I'm aware of her" I said equally shortly.

"Don't be fucking smart Naomi...I'm getting tired of having to intervene to sort out your shit...fucking _lesbians_..." she said "...you go from " _hello stranger, meet my_ _muff_ " straight to " _goodbye and never darken my doorstep again"_ , in about 3 poxy days..."

I bristled at that.

"Hardly..." I muttered, "If I remember rightly, I gave six years of my life to your sister...and got punched in the guts for my efforts"

"Something that's still on the agenda lezzer" she smirked "My sister is in bits...6 months fucking later...and you're cosying up to another fanny already?"

" _Already_?" I cried out in indignation "It may have escaped your notice Katie...but I got MY heart broken too. _I_ wasn't the one who cheated. And I wasn't the one who would still _be_ fucking cheating if you hadn't dropped me the word?"

"Exactly...apart from the fact that cheating isn't totally restricted to my sister...I seem to remember a dead girl?"

I went white at that dig.

"That was fucking low Katie...even for you. I made a mistake...once...and I paid for it by watching some poor girl throw herself off a balcony onto concrete because of what I'd done...and not done. I think about that all the time. Guilt...yeah...I have plenty of it to go around. But this isn't solving anything, is it? Emily didn't just have an afternoon playing hide the finger with a random...she was head down between this Izzie's legs every Wednesday evening for weeks... _not_ the same is it?"

Katie had the grace to drop her glare.

"OK, OK...you're right for once...just don't get used to the feeling. Emily fucked up...and she knows it. She's finally admitted that she wouldn't have stopped any time soon if she hadn't been found out, and to be honest, I think realising _that_ has made her at last accept what she did was truly horrible...devastating for both of you. But that's not the point, is it? What _is_ the point, is that you're both fucking unhappy...unless this new girl has blown all your cobwebs away?"

This time I dropped my eyes.

"There is no new girl...at least not any more. It wasn't working out, not for me anyway. Frankie deserved someone who could give her what she wanted...not some part time, half committed life. I didn't love her...and that's the bottom line"

Katie stared at me questioningly.

"So...the sixty four thousand dollar question is...do you still love _Emily_?"

I swallowed thickly before answering. Did I still love her...of fucking course...but what good was that. Love, sex, all that was fine...but trust?

"Of course I do" I said slowly "But even if I could forgive her...I can't forget what she did. What if she decided 6 months down the line to fuck off again...find some other married fanny to sample? I couldn't go through that again Katie, not ever. It would fucking kill me"

"Yeah...I get that" Katie said, her voice less confident "But Emily loves you so much she's blocking it out by getting fucked up _every_ weekend, drink, drugs...random tarts from gay bars...anything and everything to blot it out. I fucking care about my sister Naomi...and you used to. I can't just stand by and watch her destroy herself over this. Can you look me in the eyes and say you'd be OK if you picked up the paper and saw she'd been raped...or died of an overdose in the gutter...?"

My eyes went wide at that.

"I'm not made of stone Katie...of course not. I thought she was dealing with it now...getting on with her life"

Katie shook her head firmly

"Nope...unless you think dealing with it includes industrial quantities of alcohol, MDMA and prescription drugs. Fucking hell, last time she stayed at mine, I looked in her bag while she was out of it. It looked like a fucking pharmacy in there. Sleeping tablets, Tramadol, DF118's...fuck knows where she got all that lot. Back in 6th form you'd be lucky to get a pack of 'Stun' from the quack"

I stared at Katie for a second before answering her. I was shocked.

"Jesus Katie..she'll kill herself for sure if she goes on like this...but what can I do? Taking her back just puts us back at square one. We haven't even talked?"

"Exactly" Katie said, pursing her lips "You haven't. Well...its been six months...you've both had time and space and its not working for either of you, is it?"

"Not so you'd notice" I admitted "I thought I was, you know, getting on with it all...but its fucking _hard_ , Katie...she was my best friend as well as the love of my life...Things are so bad, I have to confide in my fucking mother nowadays?"

Katie chuckled grimly.

"Jesus...now that IS sad. Confiding in _my_ mother about what I've done over the last few years would result in a complete nervous breakdown for her and lifetime exile for me..."

I laughed out loud at that quip. The first time I had done _that_ for a while.

"Never change Katie" I said, wiping my eyes.

"Can't" she said simply "Right...well, I might have a solution, well a suggestion?"

I nodded. "OK" I said warily.

"You two need to talk..." she started

"Hey...thats not gonna happen" I said quickly "We tried that...just ended up with me screaming at her and her dissolving into tears"

Katie sighed again and looked at me with flinty eyes.

"Fucking let me _speak_ , will ya" she said icily "You two need to talk...but NOT about what's happened. You've already told me you miss Emily as a friend. She misses you too. Her whole world was fucking Naomi Campbell since she was, like, 14. And now she's lost that. She needs you Naomi...and _I_ need you to man up about this. How about you arrange a meeting...somewhere neutral...a café or something. You DON'T talk about the shit that's happened. Keep it light...just day to day shit. Make her understand you still want her as a friend, at least for now...then, when you can both be in a room without using up all the Kleenex...maybe something good can come out of this fuckery"

Well, that wasn't quite what I had expected. I sat there for a moment, trying to take it all in.

"I..I don't know Katie...it won't be that easy. Fucking hell, talk about elephants in the room? How are we going to avoid talking about the thing that broke us up?"

Katie surprised me by reaching over and gripping my wrist. I could count on the fingers of one hand the times we had had actual physical contact. I suspect she still thought lesbianism was contagious. If only, I thought, a gay Katie would be wonderfully hilarious.

"Just _try_ , huh" she asked "I don't want to get a phone call in the middle of the night, telling me my sister has been found face down in a ditch...and neither Campbell, do _you_...?"

I shook my head quickly. Of all the things that could happen, _that_ was something my conscience would definitely kill me over. I already had the death of one girl to lose sleep over, the thought of losing Emily to bleak despair chilled me to the bone.

"OK..." I said finally "I'll try..."

Katie smiled, this time genuinely.

"Great...I'll set it up. You might want to think about some wardrobe changes in the meantime?...Your dress sense has gone backwards again since my sister stopped influencing your purchasing. Jesus Naomi, what next, floral and tartan...?"

I flipped her of, but she just winked at me. Fucking Katie Fitch...

XXX

So there I was, the next morning, sitting in a rather familiar café, sipping a half cold latte, waiting for one E Fitch to appear. Of course, Katie thought it was amusing to arrange the meeting at a place we both knew all too well. The café where she had ambushed me pretending to be Emily, just before the Love Ball. This time it was me sitting there, with my back to the door. Not tasting the coffee and tapping my feet nervously. I heard the door bell go as someone came into the warmth of the busy café. I'd stopped looking round every time it went after the fifth false alarm, so this time it wasn't until I'd put my coffee down that I knew who it was.

Without wanting to sound freaky...I smelled her. That strawberry shampoo and the soap she always got from Body Shop. I would have known that sweet scent anywhere. My heart thumped in my chest and I spun round. What I saw made my head spin and my stomach drop. Jesus Christ...she looked so... _ill._ Instead of doing what I fully intended to do, play it cool, be breezy and non committal, I lurched up and pulled her down to the seat opposite me.

"Fuck Emily...are you... OK?" I asked dumbly. The definition of OK was certainly not in front of me. Her face was pale and wan and her fingers fiddled with the serviette in front of her. The eyes I had adored and looked into most nights of my adult life were dull and lifeless. Part of me wanted desperately to grab hold of her and protect her from whatever was making her like this. But I knew what was doing it, didn't I? Me.

She nodded and, as the waitress came over with her pad, said in a hushed voice.

"Just water please"

The girl scribbled on her pad and left us to it, shooting me a concerned glance as she did. I ignored her and looked at Emily again. All my plans for detachment seemed to disappear in a second. Could I just be her friend again? This... shell ...sitting in front of me wasn't Emily...it was a faded negative. I haven't been so shocked since Sophia Moore took a header off that balcony.

"I...I know Katie arranged this" she said dully "...but if you'd rather just go, I would understand"

Actually, just going was something that did cross my mind, coward that I am. Whatever Emily had done to herself was a consequence of her own actions, my inner voice taunted me..."just fuck off and never see her again...go on Naomi...it's what you do...run"

But I wasn't that Naomi any more. I'd left Emily in my bed twice, once by the lake where she showed me how much she wanted me. I'd let her down again and again when we were kids. But not any more. Common sense told me that this was a very bad idea, but seeing what she'd done to herself forced me to think again.

"Look Emily...this is a bad idea..." I started and watched her face crumple "...N...No, I don't mean _meeting_ again...I mean here...in this scruffy little place with strangers trying to overhear what we're saying. Come back to my place. We can talk there and no on else will be around?"

I saw the swiftly erased hope on her face before she smiled uncertainly.

"Are you sure...I mean...Katie said you wanted somewhere neutral...public... so that we could, you know...talk?"

I shook my head.

"Your sister has your best interests at heart Em...but she's still got that evil fucked up sense of humour...this is the café where she pretended to be you...you know, back in college. Told me to fuck off and leave you alone...and not to go to the Love Ball? Oh, and dropped into the conversation that you'd screwed JJ, just for good measure?"

Emily's mouth dropped open.

"Fucking bitch..." she breathed "I'll kill her..."

I smiled at her fierce expression.

"Nah...it's just Katie being Katie...underneath it all, I think she does want the best for you...us...whatever...let it slide. Anyway...back to my flat?"

Emily nodded slowly and when the waitress came over with her water, I paid the bill and we left the café.

Ten minutes later, we were opening the door to my place and walking into the lounge.

Now the hard bit, I thought.


	17. Chapter 17

Emily

I can't believe I'm really sitting here. While Naomi went out into the kitchen to make some coffee (hot chocolate for me...she remembered, of course) I stared around this alien space, looking for some sign of, well, _me_ in it...apart from the fact I was actually sitting there that is. Nothing.

I had been airbrushed out of her life. In our old place in London, the walls were covered in photographs. Me and Naomi in Goa...the whole Roundview crew in Bristol...that time she persuaded me to pose for her in just a sheet (OK, that one was in the bedroom, but you get the 'picture'?) Ones of me and her on the London Eye...making faces at some club, sitting at a table in a pub garden...lots and lots of images of well, happiness I suppose.

But in this new place, nothing. Just a couple of so so card shop prints. It felt like a hospital ward. We always had differing ways to judge 'tidy', me and Naomi. She was almost obsessively neat. Clothes put away after ironing, wet bath towels put straight into the wash...toothbrush put back in the pot after brushing. Not me...sharing a bedroom and bathroom with Katie for 17 years cured any tendency I had to be neat. No point.

So this place screamed Naomi at me at the same time as it made my heart sink. It was as if she had deleted me from her life completely. Back at _my_ new place, I still had pictures of us up in my place, even though they made me cry every time I looked at them. I just couldn't bear to not have her around, even if it was in 2D.

The furniture was basic and functional, rather than luxurious. A second hand couch, two high backed chairs and a pine desk by the window. Her laptop stood open on that. A wilting plant here and there and her reading glasses folded on the coffee table. Otherwise it could have been anyone's flat. I gulped down a small sob at how things had changed. Just being here was enough to start with, but the reality of how she had moved on stabbed me like a knife.

Soon enough, she was coming back into the room with two steaming mugs in her hands. My eyes widened when I recognised my one. ' _My little Lobster'_ it said on the side. My mug. The one I had bought in Brighton when we went for a weekend a couple of years ago. She'd kept it. A wry smile played on her lips when she saw me staring at it.

"What?" she said dismissively "I kept it...it's cute"

I covered my own small smile and took the mug from her. Sipping hot chocolate from _Lobbie_ was as good as it got recently.

"Thanks" I said. We both knew it wasn't just for the chocolate.

"So..." she said slowly, after drinking some of her coffee and putting the mug on the table. " _Us_..."

I felt my body go rigid. Straight to the point then. Naomi was obviously taking lessons from my interfering sister.

"Naomi...I...I'm so..." I started but she waved me to silence.

"No" she said firmly "That's not what I meant. Sorry time is over. I don't want to talk about...that... right now. What I meant was what now?. Katie said you were looking a bit...unwell...but Jesus Emily...what are you _doing_ to yourself?" She leaned closer and stared at my face. I flinched at her scrutiny.

"So...so this is what it is then" I said, not being able to keep a trace of bitterness from my voice "Just friendly concern?"

She rocked back and I could have slapped myself. She'd made a real effort today, and I'd just thrown it back at her.

"S...sorry" I murmured, fumbling with my cup, which she took off me and put beside her own.

"No it's _not_ Emily...but I am concerned...and so is Katie"

"I'm OK...just finding it all a bit...difficult to deal with?" I said quietly, looking away from her. "Doesn't seem to be getting any easier with time"

She sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Yeah" she muttered to herself and I froze.

"But...you...you've moved on...new girlfriend...I saw you in Clifton, the café?"

She smiled without humour.

"Ancient history...Apparently I'm no better at blotting out the past with pretend girlfriends, than you are with drink and drugs"

The brutality of that simple truth made me jump and stare at her.

"Pretend?...I saw you _kissing_ her Naomi"

"I don't have to explain Emily...but I will. That was a kiss goodbye. It seems she couldn't be with someone who was still hung up on her ex...can't say I blame her" she said flatly "But forget that, I want to talk about you"

I shook my head slowly.

"Not much to say about that. I'm just trying to deal with... _it_...in my own way"

"Drinking like a fish...getting fucked up on drugs...shagging randoms in pub toilets...?"

I flushed at that. I didn't know that Katie had shared to _that_ extent.

"What do you care Naomi? I fucked us up...now I do it every weekend. Blots out the pain for a few hours"

This time she froze in shock.

"Emily... _listen_ to yourself. This isn't you? This can't go on like that. You need to start..."

"Getting over us?...not really working out for me Naoms...I've tried. Six fucking months of trying. At least getting hammered makes me happy for a few hours...a strangers touch isn't much, but... "

Naomi winced at that and moved closer to me on the couch. I tensed. I could smell her soap, her shampoo...it was too much. My face twisted as I tried desperately not to break down.

"Can't...can't forgive _myself_ " I said in a whisper "And neither can you..."

She sighed again and ignoring my stiff body, pulled me into a fierce hug. This time I couldn't stop the wretched sob bursting out of me. Feeling her so close, her hair on my cheek. It felt so right, but so wrong too.

"Listen to me Emily...whatever happened...whatever happens in the future...I can't just switch off caring about you. You _can't_ go on like this...I won't let you" she whispered against my neck

I hugged her back, weeping hopelessly as the warmth of her body seemed to penetrate my very bones. I hated myself for being so weak, but holding her like this was almost worse than not seeing her at all. _Now_ I knew what I had risked...what I had thrown away with my stupid, selfish affair. This...just being with her.

We stayed like that for a minute before my crying subsided.

"So...?" I said uncertainly "What do we...?"

She bit her bottom lip which made my stomach drop. I loved that gesture, right back from when were at school together. It was so...Naomi.

"I guess we have to help each other here. I'm not making any promises Emily...you hurt me so badly I sometimes think I'll never heal...but..." she stopped as my face started to crumple again "...nothing and no one else can cure us of this thing. We have to be there for each other...friends maybe?"

Again my heart thumped. I so desperately wanted her back that anything less than that...friends...was a bitter disappointment. But I realised that was all she could offer for now. Did I want her in my life or not? Well, I'd tried not and it didn't work out too well. Even though I sort of resented her and Katie chatting about me like I was some feeble relative being persuaded into a nursing home, I wasn't stupid enough to ignore the fact that they were right. I _was_ drinking and shagging myself into an early grave. And I didn't want that...not while there was the slightest chance that she would let me back into her life. So I nodded.

"Kay...it's more than I deserve...but I'd really like to be your friend Naomi...I've missed you so fucking much?"

She breathed out a long sigh, like she's been holding her breath for hours.

"Great" she said "So...no promises, no commitments...just us two...being friends...being there for each other...OK?"

I smiled and wiped the last tear from my eyes. It wasn't what I wanted, but it wa something to hold onto while I waited for her to forgive...

XXX

Naomi

I let Emily out without kissing her goodbye although I saw how she hung on at the door, hoping. I wasn't there yet...maybe never would be. Just having her in my place, hugging her...breathing her in...had already disarmed me too much. Seeing her beautiful face so pale and drawn, with dark shadows under her brown eyes. Feeling her thin body clinging to me like a drowning woman.

Toxic.

She was like my Kryptonite. All my strength faded when she was in close proximity. All my good intentions fled out of the nearest window at her gentlest touch. I couldn't risk being with her for more than an hour at most. I knew if we settled into a quiet evening together on the couch, I would lose control, take her to bed and make love to her all night. And I couldn't let myself do that. Once I did, all bets were off. So I gently told her that we had to keep it light for now. I would meet her tomorrow in town to go shopping together (I needed some new underwear) so we arranged to meet outside Serena Hope in the Exchange. It was the only excuse I could think of. She must have thought I was being a bit abrupt when I told her I had to go out...but I was starting to lose perspective big time. It was weirdly like that time I lied to her about wanting to go to Cyprus for the summer back at 6th form. That lame excuse lasted until she just said simply " _I'll_ _miss you_ ". Next thing I knew, we were snogging frantically against the lockers. We ended up in bed with each other all afternoon...and look how _that_ ended up?

No...I was glad when she finally left me with just a shy squeeze round my waist. She looked better just for the small amount of time we had been in my flat, so _I_ felt better too.

Katie called about fifteen seconds after Emily left (how the fuck does she DO that?) looking for a progress report.

"We've agreed to just be friends for now Katie...meet up from time to time and just keep in touch...nothing heavy?"

It didn't sound very convincing, even to me.

"Pffft" Katie scoffed. "You're still a soppy lesbian Naomi, yeah? I give it three days before you're both buffing the beaver again like it's been made compulsory..."

"Fuck off Katie...that's not what I need, and I'm pretty sure it's not what she needs either. Broken heart, remember? I still don't trust her, and that's going to need a lot of time, if ever, to sort out"

There was a short silence.

"Yeah...OK...whatever gets you through the night Naoms...It's just like, you two can't keep your hands off each other for more than a minute at the best of times. It's amazing I still have my eyesight...the times I've walked in on you two prospecting down each others knickers?"

I smiled to myself. She might be right, but no way was I letting her get away with _that_.

"Yeah well...all that snooping on us 'practising' must have rubbed off on you quite a bit Katiekins. According to Effy...who as you know _never_ lies...you quite like getting your pipes cleaned by a clever female tongue too?"

This time the silence was longer.

"Fucking BITCH" Katie snarled "She said she'd never te...oh _fuck_ now I've gone and..."

"Admitted it?" I said slyly, relishing her unusual lack of poise.

"Yeah, well, it was a one time drunken deal... _not_ reciprocated. Stupid cow wanted to see if she liked rug munching...well...apparently she does. But NOT with me, right?"

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much?" I said, sniggering. This was delightful.

"Fuck OFF Campbell...if you breath a _word_ to Emily about this, I'll...I'll..."

"My lips are sealed Katie...which is more than Effy's were..." I laughed.

The phone went dead then, but I scored one to me. A _very_ rare event.

XXX

I went to bed that night with a half smile on my face. Things were far from fucking settled, but I felt better just knowing I had reached out to Emily and stopped (I hope) the self abuse. Which was rather ironic as it turned out, all things considered.

I blame the cheese. Emily, in her earlier, non cheating adorable phase, had written that stuff on the chalk board at Alfred Road about us loving each other more than lobster and cheese (hence the mug) but it also carried a hint of something else. My mother was a definite cheddar and double Gloucester woman. We never went in for exotic dairy products at Chez Campbell. Emily however had the dubious history of her mothers 80's style culinary experiments behind her. Not just the nauseating beetroot and artichoke soup stuff (do you have ANY idea what a mood killer the after effects of artichokes are on a budding romance? If not, don't!) Let's just say the _winds of_ _change_ blew through my bedroom for fucking hours afterwards...Emily's giggling did not help. Anyway, back to the point. Emily and Katie liked blue cheese. Thank God the after effects were more mental than physical with that, but it had it's drawbacks nevertheless.

As I quickly found out.

Having a nice piece of ripe Stilton with an apple and some crackers seemed like a good idea, while I was sitting on my couch, not watching some ludicrous soap opera on the TV. Stopped me reaching for the wine and the added bonus of a short text from you know who added to my good mood.

" _Night Naoms...thank you X_ " was all it said, but despite my determination to play it cool, the smile I had on my face stayed until it ached. Then I went to bed.

I opened my eyes, still groggy from sleep. Something had woken me up. I felt there was someone there at the end of the bed. I blinked and slowly my eyes focussed. It was Emily. I opened my mouth to say something, but for some reason I couldn't speak.

She was smiling...standing there in that cute parka she used to wear back in the days when her preferred form of transport was a hideous orange scooter.

Still I couldn't speak or move. I felt like an invisible spiders web was holding me there, immobile.

"Don't say anything" she whispered and then slowly and deliberately, unzipped the thick green material. Underneath it was...well, just Emily. A nearly naked Emily. With the exception of a see through blue lace push up bra and cut away matching knickers. My breath rushed out of me in a whoosh.

" _Fuuuuck_ " I said...the first and only word I could manage.

"I said don't speak" she said again and moved closer. I could smell orange blossom and soap. My heart started hammering in my chest.

"I've missed you" she said in a husky voice. The one she used when she was about to be very, very dirty with me. This time it wasn't only my breath that hitched. My stomach trembled as a surge of want gripped me.

"Love me?" she asked almost sadly and dropped the parka to the floor, moving even closer and leaning over me so those small but perfectly formed breasts inched out of the confines of the blue material. I could see her brown nipples, stiff and excited. Her mouth was inches from mine and her warm breath was driving me crazy, tickling my cheek.

"Love me?" she repeated, reaching behind her and unsnapping the bra. It dropped away and I swallowed hard as her beautiful tits bounced into view.

"Oh Jesus Christ" I thought feverishly. This was a very bad idea, but a near naked Emily Fitch could make a store mannequin horny. I reached out to cup her breasts, but she moved back slightly, making me moan softly in frustration.

"You first" she said, hooking her fingers into the waist of the flimsy knickers.

I pushed the duvet off myself, knowing from long experience what she wanted. My own tee shirt and knickers were pulled off quickly and I spread myself in front of her, teasing my breasts with one hand and dipping between my thighs with the other.

"So pretty...so fucking sexy babe" she hissed, cupping her own breast and squeezing.

There wasn't a thing on earth that could have stopped me now. My finger was already slipping slickly through my folds, teasing my clit until it throbbed. My legs opened of their own accord and my eyes stayed fixed on hers as she took the knickers off. I could almost smell her excitement. Her face was rapt, watching me tease myself. This was a familiar dance we enjoyed over the years. I think all those fanny books back at college conditioned her to enjoy watching. So she liked to watch..and no way was I ever going to disappoint her. My eventual reward was _always_ worth it.

I groaned again as my fever grew. My hips started to move in time with my circling finger and I thumbed my nipples in turn, increasing the sensation.

"More..." she groaned, slipping her own hand between her legs. I could see her middle finger moving subtly there.

"Emily...please" I begged, past the stage where I wanted to be the one to make myself come. Now I needed _her_ nimble fingers, _her_ tongue, to finish what I'd started. I felt the tingle work its way up from my toes, my stomach clenching and my thighs jerking as I increased the speed of my fingers.

"Please?" I moaned again, trying to hold off from coming "I need you now Emily...right fucking _now_ "

She stopped touching herself and gave me a reproachful look.

"Can't" she breathed "Have to wait for Effy to get Katie there too" her eyes flicked sideways and mine followed. Against my bedroom door, her sister stood, short skirt up around her waist, mouth open and hands clutching the unmistakeable dark hair of one Effy Stonem. The sounds of Effy hungrily servicing Katie were loud and lurid.

My fingers stopped their little dance and I stared in shock at them.

"What the...who... _Katie_?" I said hoarsely

"Just get the fuck on with it Campbell" Katie gasped, pulling Effy's head savagely into her crutch, grinding her hips against the kneeling girl aggressively "Selfish much?...I'm nearly fucking _there_?"

It was enough. My fingers moved on their own accord and stroked deliberately. The delayed orgasm rushed over me like a fucking tidal wave. I thrashed and moaned, ripples of sensation gripped and shook me like a rag doll. My eyes closed as I peaked and jerked spasmodically against my own hand.

Seconds passed. Seconds in which I eased myself down from the incredible high I had been on. Eventually, I opened my eyes and stared around the bedroom.

I was alone of course. A fucking dream. _Fucking_ cheese.

Shakily I got up, washed my face (and hands) in the bathroom and drank a full glass of cold water for my parched throat.

The only other thing I did before I crawled back into bed was to open the fridge, take out the wedge of Stilton and throw it into the bin. Fuck this for a game of soldiers, I thought grimly. That was _way_ too fucking real for comfort.


	18. Chapter 18

Katie

"Why did you go to her _flat_ Em?" I said, shocked..."What happened to taking it slow, getting to know each other again on neutral ground?"

"It wasn't my idea Katie...Naomi just thought it would be better than talking with hairy nosed strangers listening in...anyway...what sort of fucked up logic persuaded you that arranging a meet in the café where _you_ tried your best to fuck up our relationship in college was a great idea?" Emily said resentfully.

I blinked at that. Seemed like a funny idea at the time? How was I to know the big lezzer had spilled to my sister. Anyway, I told myself, Campbell more than got her own back, snidely telling me that Stonem had dropped me in it about that drunken moment of weakness I had years ago, letting her put her head up my fucking skirt. The spectacular orgasm she gave me came with a heavy price it seemed. Me and the skinny bitch will be having words about _that_ next time I see her...lucky for her she's in Prague at the moment, no doubt finding out if Czech cock is the same as British (or Czech pussy come to that...she's obviously not fussy).

I shrugged. "It was just a pure coincidence" I lied.

Emily fixed me with a disbelieving stare. "Nothing you do is coincidence Katie...but fuck it...I'll let that slide...we had a good talk and I think we're...well, not OK yet...but much better than we were"

I hoped she was right. I'd invested quite enough of my valuable time trying to reconstruct the lesbian frog in the proverbial blender. Relationships not exactly being my strong point.

"So..." I said brightly "All's well in lezzer paradise again...back to flange fluffing full time, yeah?"

Emily glared.

"It's not _all_ about sex Katie...we're not all continually hunting down the next erection...or fanny in my case...?"

"Yeah?" I said, arching my eyebrow "Seemed like that a fortnight ago when you were fucking that skinny blonde girl in Dino's toilets...do you think I didn't hear about that? Fucking hell Ems...she couldn't have been more than 16? I thought cradle snatching was more Cook's area?"

Emily had the grace to look embarrassed.

"Well...she _said_ she was 18...you're not even supposed to _be_ in the club unless you're over that age...how was I to know?...Anyway...that's all in the past now. No more drugs, no more stupid drinking and definitely no more random shags"

I grinned mirthlessly.

"Whatever...just as long as you stick to that...you _do_ realise that there's a strong possibility you might bump into one of your cast off shags one day when you're sober? I don't think the peroxide lezzer will be impressed if she hears about your superior tongue technique from a stranger in Tesco's" I said primly.

"Fuck off Katie" Emily gritted "There's no way that will happen. That was in London...we're back in Bristol now...and I never..."

"Never shagged a Bristolian?" I laughed "Well, apart from that Mandy tart..back at Roundview?...She used to walk around behind you with her tongue hanging out...surely she used it on you now and again?"

Emily stood with her mouth open.

"I can't _believe_ you just brought that up after all this time. I never _shagged_ her. We just kissed a bit and messed around...nothing heavy. Anyway, that was fucking ages ago...Naomi knows all about that...it's ancient history"

"OK, OK" I said, holding up my hands "Just as long as you stick to the script"

Emily nodded.

"I promised Naomi...just before I left her place... that I was off drink, off drugs and..well, definitely off random fanny..."

"Something to be happy about then" I said "You look a bit better already, although you might want to get your hair sorted out, Worzel Gummidge, much?"

Emily tried to look angry at my scarecrow jibe, but failed dismally. We both laughed.

"I have an appointment to get it done tomorrow after work...and I'm meeting Naomi at lunchtime too...just shopping...she needs some new underwear so we're going to that fancy Serena Hope place in the Exchange?"

I spluttered at that bombshell.

"Serena _Hope_? You know what sort of fucking knickers they sell, don't you Ems?"

My sister looked blank...a look which suits her.

"No...what do you mean...it's like an upmarket M & S, yeah?"

"Not exactly, Ems...more Victoria's Secret with attitude...fucking hell...you two?...In a changing room with sexy knickers and lacy bra's?...I'll expect an announcement on Heart FM about two sad lezzers getting arrested for shagging in a shop cubicle, shall I?"

Emily goggled at that and then her eyes got that dark, far away look. The last thing I wanted was for her to start waxing lyrical about the exotic places they had shagged in the past. Too gruesome for words.

"Enough" I said sharply "Stop fantasising about fucking Campbell in public and start being useful...I need a fast getaway from Bristol...or I'll start sounding like Panda again. I need to get to the station. Call a cab, will you Emsy?"

She did, and within an hour, I was on the Great Western Express, heading out of Temple Meads for Paddington. Home then...back to civilisation, my work completed...for now at least.

Emily

To say I was nervous doesn't come close. To be honest I hadn't thought about much else since yesterday. Although I did sleep much better last night, remembering Naomi's arms around me on the couch and the hug when I left. It was still awkward, tentative, but she didn't cringe at physical contact now...that was something...wasn't it? So when I got up this morning, for the first time in months, I felt human. No hangover, no depression (well, not much) and a proper nights sleep behind me. I showered, then dressed in my best black business suit, plain white button top underneath and heels. For once I was going to be early for work.

I think if I hadn't been so good at my job, my new boss would have fired me by now. A whole lot of late starts and hungover mornings hadn't exactly impressed. Even though I had tried to keep my 'extra curricular' stunts private...mostly because I did them in London it wasn't gonna get me employee of the month was it?. I think the state of me, after frequent frantic weekends must have been pretty obvious. Love bites to be hidden, dark circles under my eyes...you get the picture?

I even had a little...diversion... with that red headed girl in accounts...Lisa?...one night after a particularly heavy hangover had made me careless about dulling the pain. Nothing more than a casual finger fuck against a pile of crates outside the pub, but she avoided my eyes for weeks afterwards. Fucking straight girls...pussies all of them. One decent shag with a woman and they run back to hubby with enough mental imagery to last a whole year of missionary work.

But anyway, that was my one and only lapse in Bristol. Even Katie didn't know about that. All that self abuse was over now in any case.

I got to work, ignoring the surprised looks from my colleagues (whether that was because it was before nine when I arrived, or that I looked refreshed, smart and together, who knows?) and sat at my desk, set up an alarm on my workstation for 11.55 and got down to some serious number crunching.

My mind wandered a few times during the morning...that crack about Naomi and her underwear preferences from Katie was hard to ignore. We'd had some fairly...exotic...times with skimpy lace 'items' in the past. In the early days, when we couldn't go three hours without shagging each other, we'd experimented with all sorts of err...visual aids.

It was like a light bulb had gone on in my head.

All at once I knew what had gone wrong between us. The excitement had been replaced with mundane, grey things. Work, TV, sitting apart on the couch. Things we would never have dreamed of doing even a year before. We'd settled into fucking middle aged domesticity instead of stimulating each other as we had done.

So the answer was simple..wasn't it? I still loved her, more so than ever, now I had seen what life would be like in a Naomi free world. It was up to me to show her I loved her, but more importantly, that I _fancied_ her.

And underwear shopping is a good place to start, yeah? I thought.

XXX

Naomi

Standing in the street, outside the Exchange, I wish I could say that I was content. But I'm not. Yesterdays euphoria, seeing Emily again, having her close to me...touching me...had worn off a bit. We hadn't sorted anything substantial out. She'd still cheated and I still had massive trust issues. OK, I never wanted to be responsible for making her look so...ill...but that's not the same as just falling back into the same quicksand again, is it?

I bit my lip a lot and worried a piece of gravel with the toe of my shoe as I waited for her to appear. She wasn't late...I was early. Not something she would be unfamiliar with. It was like the tidy/untidy thing we had going all the time we lived together. Emily made a mess, I tidied up. It never aggravated me...it was just us. Different. The same with punctuality. She would always be five minutes late, me five minutes early. I thanked God early in our relationship that I hadn't fallen for Katie (stop it...never gonna happen) Katie thought being half an hour late was being too eager. Several times, when we had that fragile truce going, I would be waiting at some shit party, trying to fend off hopeful males, while Katie kept Emily prisoner in their bedroom at home, trying on a hundred different outfits. I used to say to Emily that I preferred her naked anyway, so why bother? That would get me a disgusted look from her sister and a smouldering one from the younger Fitch. OK, I wouldn't have been happy seeing Emily sashay up the drive of whatever house the party was in totally nude. But there was a lot of truth in my teasing. Inevitably, after a couple of hours partying, drinking and smoking...we would find an unoccupied room upstairs, lodge a chair under the handle and christen whoever's bed we found. Emily and I were very...inventive...in those days. Katie might have been being bitchy about our constant shagging, but there was truth in her sneers. More than once, she had surprised us at Chez Fitch, just as we were getting down to it on Emily's bed. Her threats to bill us for the Specsavers charge was not totally unjust.

Mind you...after Effy confided in me about her 'once only' encounter with the hitherto uber straight elder twin, I decided I should revise my opinion of her homophobia. Effy was very...descriptive..about Katies surrender to the power of the pussy. Someone had been a little ' _economical with the actualite_ ' as it were. Effy said (and like I mentioned before, she doesn't lie, never has) although Katie refused to return the favour...dirtying her no doubt immaculate knees on a grubby floor being a no no, she did at least help Effy out in the 'manual favours' department. I hadn't let on I knew that yet. But there may come a time when I can torment her with it...who knows?

I tapped my foot for the twentieth time, checking my watch for good measure. Reminiscing about Katies solitary venture into muff land was all very well, but I only had an hour for lunch and now Emily _was_ late.

I looked up as a flash of brown caught my eyes. Yep...it was her, crossing the busy road with one eye on an approaching bus and the other on me. My heart thumped when the bus barely missed her slim body as she skipped across. I shouldn't have, but old habits die hard?

" _Emily_ for God's sake...how many times have I tol..." I started to rant

I stopped then because she was grinning cheekily.

"Still telling me off for my road craft Naoms? Bit young for the Green Cross Code Man?" she chuckled.

My stern face folded in the face of her good humour.

"Fuck off Fitch" I said amiably "We're both too fucking young to remember that...what are you, stuck in an eighties time warp?"

Then we both realised at the same time that we were bantering like a happy couple, because first mine then her face got serious again.

"So...underwear? " Emily said after a pause...

I reddened, feeling my cheeks burn. What a fucking dick head, I thought...way to go Naomi..meeting your ex in a shop specialising in sexy lingerie? A sort of selective amnesia affects parts of my brain when a certain Fitch twin comes into view.

In any case, there was no avoiding it now, so I pushed past her and walked towards the Exchange. Emily walked silently beside me. I chanced a glance in her direction, just as we reached the doorway of Serena's. God, she looked good. Despite the effects 6 months of misery had inflicted on her and the weight loss, she still looked wonderful. But that was the problem, _other_ people knew that too...

She gave me one of those shy sideways glances from under those long eyelashes and I had to look away quickly. My insides were already turning to mush, no need to torture myself any more.

We stepped inside and I exhaled a long outward breath. My mind was now completely blank...what the fuck had I come in for? I stood there in the middle of the floor while other people were browsing the exotic materials on the hangers, giving a good impression of a catatonic hospital patient.

"So..." Emily said softly when I stayed silent " _Underwearrr_...?"

She rolled her r's just like she had elongated the z's that day long ago when we had laid on the floor in my bedroom, her gently teasing me about ' _what lesbians did_ '. Of course, I had already been very diligent about discovering what they did...the internet being a paradise of information even then, but inhabiting the mythical world of _Denial_ as I was, I just pretended not to know until that word 'oilzzz' disarmed me completely. And so it proved today. I tried, your honour, to keep a straight face, but again I failed dismally.

My face flushed as I tried to hold in my giggle. A rather over made up middle aged woman behind the fancy counter stared at me disapprovingly as I struggled not to laugh out loud. Emily didn't help by nudging me in the ribs with her elbow.

To cover my embarrassment, I moved quickly to the first rack I saw in front of me and started browsing whatever was on there. Emily moved closer and I could smell that damned shampoo again. Flowery, seductive. I grabbed the first bra in my size...a pretty black lace under-wired (34c if you're interested) and walked quickly to the mirror covered walls at the rear. Emily was right on my fucking shoulder and I actually felt my legs trembling. The bra I'd picked up was at the expensive end of the scale but to be honest, all I wanted was to get out of there.

"Would madam like to see the matching panties...or maybe a thong?" the saleswoman said briskly. I nodded stupidly. Still Emily said nothing.

The woman came back with two pairs of knickers, one in each style. I nodded.

"Ummm...err...yeah...that would be fine..." I said.

"If you like...we have a second bra in that size?..About to be returned to the manufacturer...its brand new, not worn, but has a slight stitch tear on the back...it would be better if you tried this one on for fit...it's always best to be sure? We don't take returns on lingerie I'm afraid...unless there is a fault...the changing cubicle is this way?"

The last thing I wanted was to be undressing in front of Emily bloody Fitch, but my legs betrayed me again. I found myself following the saleswoman to the very back of the store and she handed me another matching bra in a plastic cover.

"Just take your time" she said brightly...make sure it fits well...you have such a good figure and the set _is_ rather expensive?"

I smiled briefly and pushed open the curtain. For a second, Emily hesitated and I sighed in relief..she was going to let me get this over with on my own. But I underestimated the younger twin. I should have known she wouldn't do that. As I ducked inside, she held onto the curtain and followed me in, closing it behind us. She was right behind me as I stared at us in the full length mirror. Her eyes, even in this relative gloom were burning.

"Second opinion never hurts?" she said huskily and my legs trembled again. Fucking hell, I was going to get undressed in front of her, for the first time in many months. My fingers joined my legs in trembling as I unbuttoned my top and slipped it from my shoulders. I give her credit, she only gasped once as she hung it up for me...but it made me fix my eyes on hers as I stood there in my plain blue weekday bra.

"Try it on then" she said in a whisper. I reached behind me and fumbled with the clasp. The damned thing was always tight and I struggled to get my fingers to work.

"Here...let me" she said softly and for the first time in a lifetime, Emily Fitch's warm fingers brushed my skin as she expertly popped the clasp. I held my hands to the front of me, gripping the bra like some nervous virgin. We both knew this had nothing to do with underwear. I was half naked, in a small space, with someone who not only knew my body intimately, but who's breathing was almost as shallow as mine.

"Emily..." warned her "Please...?"

I don't know what I was begging for, but the temperature seemed to have soared inside the small cubicle. Her eyes continued to hold mine as she stood there, painfully close.

"So beautiful" she whispered and reached around me with both hands, pulling the bra away from my frozen fingers. She stepped closer and her body brushed against my naked back.

"Try it on then" she said softly. I don't know where her self control came from. Part of me wanted to spin round and crush my mouth on hers. The other part wanted to run screaming from the shop, half naked or not.

I could see her eyes travelling over my breasts in the mirror as if it was the first time she'd seen them. I'd seen that hungry look before many times, but most of all, it reminded me of 'our' lake...that first night we made love. The way she paused even as her head moved down between my legs, her eyes drinking in every inch of me. I knew afterwards that she sensed this wasn't my complete surrender. That the next day I would run (I did) and that it might be a while, if ever, before she got to possess me again.

Today that same look was in her expressive brown eyes. It felt like her eyes were replacing her hands in exploring me. My breathing got ever more ragged and I felt dizzy.

I swear if she had wanted to, she could have had me then. Right there in a shop, feet from browsing lunchtime office girls. Powerless...

But she didn't. With a small resigned sigh of her own, she popped open the plastic covering on the test bra and passed it to me wordlessly. I grabbed it and quickly put it on. Her fingers were needed again (stop it) when I fumbled with the new clip, but with a bit of pushing and wriggling, I was in it.

She smiled at me in the reflection. It was a tight, barely controlled one, but a smile anyway.

"It suits you Naoms...you look...absolutely stunning"

She ran her hands infinitely softly down my forearms, barely disturbing the hairs that stood as if electrified on my skin. The air felt heavy, as if a storm was imminent. I swayed, convinced she was about to touch me properly...sexually. I knew I wouldn't stop her.

I smiled back, my face aching from the effort of keeping it neutral, although my heart was pounding as if we _had_ fooled around already. Her eyes travelled again over my upper body, lingering on the expensive lingerie. I saw a small tremor pass over her as her hands dropped clenching and unclenching by her sides. I'm guessing someone else was having serious control issues.

There was a long pause.

"I'll let you get dressed then Naomi" she said hoarsely "I'll just be... outside?"

And with that, she spun on her heel and exited the cubicle.

I stood there for a good minute afterwards, not really looking at myself in the mirror.

"You would have let her...you would definitely have _let_ her" my mind screamed at me.

And it was right. I would have.

I paid for the items as she waited in the shop, looking out of the front window with a frown on her face. I only winced slightly at the £134.50 bill...

XXX

Emily

How I even got through the Starbucks mocha and stilted conversation after that incredibly charged moment in the shop, I'll never know. I left that cubicle as reluctantly as if a herd of walking dead were waiting for me.

Her _face_...desire and fear...her _body_...slim and wonderfully shapely...how could I have ever wanted anyone else, even for a moment. Hadn't I desired her, coveted her...ached for her over the years? She'd always been my perfect woman...perfect girl. Right from the time I'd seen her for the first time in school, then idly doodling her initials in my work book and sketching hearts?

And I'd risked all that for sex with a stranger? Stupid, stupid, stupid! I screamed at myself. One minute with her, half naked in a claustrophobic changing room was worth a year of frantic Wednesday night sex. I knew she had been teetering on the edge, like me just now, but I _had_ to walk away. The next time (please God) I have sex with Naomi Campbell, I want it to be in a bed...with hours to spend, making love. Not a quick fumble in a shop cubicle.

But it took all the willpower I had to do it.

We didn't say anything about it on the way to the coffee shop, didn't mention it all through drinking the overpriced Java. But just as she looked down at her watch, making that adorable moue with her mouth that meant our time together was over for now, she gripped my hand in hers as I searched for change in my bag.

"Thank you..." she said seriously, staring into my eyes

"For what?" I said

"For being strong...because I wouldn't have been" she whispered. Then she straightened up and dropped a ten pound note on the table in front of us.

"My treat...you can get the next one?" she smiled.

The fact that there would _be_ a next one, made me smile broadly. I might have regretted leaving her in there, half naked and willing, but I knew then I had made the right choice. Soon then...I hoped. Soon.

I walked back to the office an inch above the pavement. It wasn't perfect, wasn't even close to being OK, but it was getting there.

The short text I got as I walked into my building made my smile even wider.

" _I still love you Emily x_ " it said simply. It was enough...more than enough.

There was hope...and that was all I could wish for.

End.


End file.
